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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 710866" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am sorry that you are living in such fear. I know how hard it is. Please know that you are not helping him by giving him money. In fact, you are harming him. You are allowing him to manipulate you into letting him hide from the world and from the help he needs. If he isn't going to school, and cannot work, this means he cannot leave the house, right? So why does he need money? He clearly isn't using it for anything productive. You pay his living expenses. If you are giving him money instead of paying the household bills, what is he doing with the money? If all he wants is to go get high and into trouble, why on God's Green Earth would you finance that no matter how mad it makes him? If he wants to do that, let him finance it. You need to keep a roof over your head and food on the table. Take the car keys from him because you know he is driving while high, and let him figure out a way to pay for his own fun. If he wants to do it bad enough, he will go and get a J. O. B. </p><p></p><p>You just giving him money to make him happy is just sort of nuts, if you ask me. Especially if your bills are going unpaid. That has to stop. bills before anything else. </p><p></p><p>If you think he is going to harm himself, make him go in for a psychiatric evaluation, even if he has just gone in for one. If he says that he is going to harm himself if you don't give him money, call 911 EVERY SINGLE SOLITARY TIME and tell them that your son has just threatened to kill himself. Insist that they transport him to a psychiatric hospital for threats to harm himself. If you can, use your cell phone to record him threatening to harm himself. get him to say how he will harm himself. Play it for the officers and for the doctors. </p><p></p><p>Do not EVER let your son use a threat to harm himself to hold you hostage or to extort money from you. My son used to try this. He learned that it was a real fast way to a real unfun time. It not only got a trip to a hospital for an assessment, it got his room tossed and anything I didn't like removed and or destroyed. If we had found drugs, they would have gone to the cops. I made sure my son learned fast that using threats of suicide as a way to control mom and dad was a losing proposition. Many of us here have had kids that use suicidal threats as a way to extort mom and dad into doing what the kid wants, and it just is a bad situation. It has to be an instant trip to the hospital, room search, and the consequences for whatever still have to happen. You have to talk to them, but suicide cannot be a 'get out of life and consequences' card the way many of our kids try to use it. </p><p></p><p>I am sorry your son has so many problems. I think he has to face the fact that life has consequences. You have to do the unfun things and with mental illness that means taking your medications, working through the problems, working, therapy, and finishing school. It is what it is. Pot won't fix it no matter what anyone says. I will say that with depression, if the psychiatrist hasn't done a dna test to find the right antidepressant, that should be a test that is done. But you may have to ask for it or insist on it. </p><p></p><p>Given your son's age, I want to suggest something. In my house, my kids know that I have the right to see their medical records and go to their doctor appointments. As long as they live under my roof, I have this right. Period. If they want me out of their medical records, and to not speak to their doctor, they can move out. You may want to let your son know that if he wants to continue to live with you, he needs to make sure you are on his HIPAA forms for all info. This way you have a right to speak to his doctors and have them speak to you. I strongly encourage this so that you can know what is going on, esp with you supporting your son through this mental illness as he is refusing to or unable to hold down a job. Given that he is 18, he can keep you off of these forms and out of his records, but you can make this a stipulation of living with you. I would do this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 710866, member: 1233"] I am sorry that you are living in such fear. I know how hard it is. Please know that you are not helping him by giving him money. In fact, you are harming him. You are allowing him to manipulate you into letting him hide from the world and from the help he needs. If he isn't going to school, and cannot work, this means he cannot leave the house, right? So why does he need money? He clearly isn't using it for anything productive. You pay his living expenses. If you are giving him money instead of paying the household bills, what is he doing with the money? If all he wants is to go get high and into trouble, why on God's Green Earth would you finance that no matter how mad it makes him? If he wants to do that, let him finance it. You need to keep a roof over your head and food on the table. Take the car keys from him because you know he is driving while high, and let him figure out a way to pay for his own fun. If he wants to do it bad enough, he will go and get a J. O. B. You just giving him money to make him happy is just sort of nuts, if you ask me. Especially if your bills are going unpaid. That has to stop. bills before anything else. If you think he is going to harm himself, make him go in for a psychiatric evaluation, even if he has just gone in for one. If he says that he is going to harm himself if you don't give him money, call 911 EVERY SINGLE SOLITARY TIME and tell them that your son has just threatened to kill himself. Insist that they transport him to a psychiatric hospital for threats to harm himself. If you can, use your cell phone to record him threatening to harm himself. get him to say how he will harm himself. Play it for the officers and for the doctors. Do not EVER let your son use a threat to harm himself to hold you hostage or to extort money from you. My son used to try this. He learned that it was a real fast way to a real unfun time. It not only got a trip to a hospital for an assessment, it got his room tossed and anything I didn't like removed and or destroyed. If we had found drugs, they would have gone to the cops. I made sure my son learned fast that using threats of suicide as a way to control mom and dad was a losing proposition. Many of us here have had kids that use suicidal threats as a way to extort mom and dad into doing what the kid wants, and it just is a bad situation. It has to be an instant trip to the hospital, room search, and the consequences for whatever still have to happen. You have to talk to them, but suicide cannot be a 'get out of life and consequences' card the way many of our kids try to use it. I am sorry your son has so many problems. I think he has to face the fact that life has consequences. You have to do the unfun things and with mental illness that means taking your medications, working through the problems, working, therapy, and finishing school. It is what it is. Pot won't fix it no matter what anyone says. I will say that with depression, if the psychiatrist hasn't done a dna test to find the right antidepressant, that should be a test that is done. But you may have to ask for it or insist on it. Given your son's age, I want to suggest something. In my house, my kids know that I have the right to see their medical records and go to their doctor appointments. As long as they live under my roof, I have this right. Period. If they want me out of their medical records, and to not speak to their doctor, they can move out. You may want to let your son know that if he wants to continue to live with you, he needs to make sure you are on his HIPAA forms for all info. This way you have a right to speak to his doctors and have them speak to you. I strongly encourage this so that you can know what is going on, esp with you supporting your son through this mental illness as he is refusing to or unable to hold down a job. Given that he is 18, he can keep you off of these forms and out of his records, but you can make this a stipulation of living with you. I would do this. [/QUOTE]
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