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Parent Emeritus
looking for feedback on new situation
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 635283" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Child support is for you, to take care of your children, but also to keep the household running. It is almost never used exclusively for the children.</p><p></p><p>Well, he didn't come through for you and you had a very hard life. And, in my opinion, It is not backpay to be given to your kids...it is for you. I wouldn't give your ex a dime and I'd stop listening to the kids, who moved out because they hate rules. Sounds like they are taking after Dad, not a good thing. Don't help those tendencies along by giving them free $$$. If they want money, well, there are jobs. You worked your tail off to support them growing up and in my opinion it is your turn to catch a break.</p><p></p><p>Their dad sounds like a piece of work, but you already know that. If it all gets to be too much for you to listen to, go easy on communicating with any of them until they understand that the money is yours and will stay with you. Don't let them bully you. In fact, I will share what has been very successful for me and my son, who lives a few states away. If he is mean to me, calls me any name, or asks for anything, I gently hang up. I told him I would do this and I stuck to it. If you do that, then you'll only hear from them when they want to talk to you about issues beyond what money and toys you "owe" them. I find it very helpful to set boundaries like this. You need a peaceful life. More, you DESERVE one. You have gone over-the-top in your courageous effort to make sure your children never were hungry and probably had all they needed. Why should they have the money you are owed?</p><p></p><p>Stand up for yourself without guilt and stop listening. Hugs!!!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 635283, member: 1550"] Child support is for you, to take care of your children, but also to keep the household running. It is almost never used exclusively for the children. Well, he didn't come through for you and you had a very hard life. And, in my opinion, It is not backpay to be given to your kids...it is for you. I wouldn't give your ex a dime and I'd stop listening to the kids, who moved out because they hate rules. Sounds like they are taking after Dad, not a good thing. Don't help those tendencies along by giving them free $$$. If they want money, well, there are jobs. You worked your tail off to support them growing up and in my opinion it is your turn to catch a break. Their dad sounds like a piece of work, but you already know that. If it all gets to be too much for you to listen to, go easy on communicating with any of them until they understand that the money is yours and will stay with you. Don't let them bully you. In fact, I will share what has been very successful for me and my son, who lives a few states away. If he is mean to me, calls me any name, or asks for anything, I gently hang up. I told him I would do this and I stuck to it. If you do that, then you'll only hear from them when they want to talk to you about issues beyond what money and toys you "owe" them. I find it very helpful to set boundaries like this. You need a peaceful life. More, you DESERVE one. You have gone over-the-top in your courageous effort to make sure your children never were hungry and probably had all they needed. Why should they have the money you are owed? Stand up for yourself without guilt and stop listening. Hugs!!!!! [/QUOTE]
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