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<blockquote data-quote="2much2recover" data-source="post: 635302" data-attributes="member: 18366"><p>A technique I have used in dealing with my difficult child is when figure out where she is heading in manipulation I find a way to change the direction of the conversation. </p><p>First understand that when people have decided to manipulate you they have invited you into the "game". Now it is up to you to play the game so you win. Most"good" people don't lie but I propose that if people are going to "play" us we shouldn't feel so guilty about telling them what ever we need to win the "game" So in this scenario - difficult child asks for money: you: I am sorry I had some unexpected things I had to pay for this month and the money is already gone. (unexpected manicure anyone?) </p><p>Next there is the straddle the line technique: You are listening to a conversation with difficult child where you start to see that the conversation is headed to them asking for money. You 'straddle the line by going around what you know the point they are taking you to and direct the conversation to something else - something, anything, that deflects the conversation away, in this case, from money. This technique throws them off because they are so use to manipulating and getting their way - wearing you down, guilting, shaming or manipulating you etc. - that they will not realize that you are manipulating the conversation in a way that is beneficial to you. And before they even notice that you are "winning" this round of the game - end the conversation with some reason why you have to leave the conversation before they can re-direct it back to the money question. </p><p></p><p>When we are dealing with master manipulators - THEY always call the game - and unless you are armed with a little battle gear you will go right on losing the game.</p><p></p><p>If this situation is causing problems with your husband just stop talking to him about it. My husband and I have beat the horse dead, only to see it continuously raise it's ugly head again and again. It's one of the reasons I joined here and started posting her AND made a therapy appointment. Talking about something over and over with no solutions just keeps things raw. Maybe you want to decide to end the "monthly debate" by depositing this extra money into a savings account of your own and no more discussions of how this money will be spent except between you and your husband. If so try some of the techniques above or just tell kids that money is going into savings for retirement to make up the shortages you lost spending all your money on raising them.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="2much2recover, post: 635302, member: 18366"] A technique I have used in dealing with my difficult child is when figure out where she is heading in manipulation I find a way to change the direction of the conversation. First understand that when people have decided to manipulate you they have invited you into the "game". Now it is up to you to play the game so you win. Most"good" people don't lie but I propose that if people are going to "play" us we shouldn't feel so guilty about telling them what ever we need to win the "game" So in this scenario - difficult child asks for money: you: I am sorry I had some unexpected things I had to pay for this month and the money is already gone. (unexpected manicure anyone?) Next there is the straddle the line technique: You are listening to a conversation with difficult child where you start to see that the conversation is headed to them asking for money. You 'straddle the line by going around what you know the point they are taking you to and direct the conversation to something else - something, anything, that deflects the conversation away, in this case, from money. This technique throws them off because they are so use to manipulating and getting their way - wearing you down, guilting, shaming or manipulating you etc. - that they will not realize that you are manipulating the conversation in a way that is beneficial to you. And before they even notice that you are "winning" this round of the game - end the conversation with some reason why you have to leave the conversation before they can re-direct it back to the money question. When we are dealing with master manipulators - THEY always call the game - and unless you are armed with a little battle gear you will go right on losing the game. If this situation is causing problems with your husband just stop talking to him about it. My husband and I have beat the horse dead, only to see it continuously raise it's ugly head again and again. It's one of the reasons I joined here and started posting her AND made a therapy appointment. Talking about something over and over with no solutions just keeps things raw. Maybe you want to decide to end the "monthly debate" by depositing this extra money into a savings account of your own and no more discussions of how this money will be spent except between you and your husband. If so try some of the techniques above or just tell kids that money is going into savings for retirement to make up the shortages you lost spending all your money on raising them. [/QUOTE]
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