witzend
Well-Known Member
As I mentioned a few weeks ago, L has gotten engaged to a very nice man. He proposed to her while they were in New Zealand visiting his family. She and I had talked about it before, but I tend to be a "from your mouth to God's ear" type of person, and never EVER say anything is so until I know it is so. So, until I see a ring or he's said something to me, it's always talked of in "When that happens then this or that" type terms.
She and I had discussed before she left that "when that happens I'm excited to help you pick out your wedding gown." She agreed. She talked of how much her father would contribute to the wedding a few weeks later, ($10k) and I told her that husband and I had discussed it and we would give her $1k for a wedding gown, and if there was any after that I would help her pick out flowers or a DJ or something. That was fine.
So, I see on her FB page after she comes home that she has a ring.
She doesn't tell me? She's not answering her phone. She knows we're leaving for Mexico the next week. I text her and she answers back, "Well, we were in NZ"... Like that means anything. Her entire FB friends page knows and I don't! I send her messages of congratulations, and how happy we are. Nothing.
Then I keep trying to call, get very specific that I want to talk to her, and on the Friday before we leave I tell her, "Call me back, I'm here this afternoon, out tonight, and out tomorrow afternoon, then leaving the next morning." She knows I only answer my cell when I'm out, so that night when she knows I'm out she calls the house. She wasn't expecting husband to be home to answer the phone, thought she was going to get by on a voicemail. So, I wait until about noon to call her the next day, knowing we have to go out. I finally text her and say "You need to call me, we're out after 2 then leaving tomorrow AM." About 1/2 an hour later she texts back "Just coming back from the mountain, I'll call you after I drop my sister off."
She calls back at 2:30. (Our thing was at 3, but I'm not telling her that.) She's all evasive about telling me about the proposal, about the ring, all two word phrases. Her fiance is in the car. I'm sure he has no idea that she has never bothered to talk to me about anything. Either that or he has an entirely different idea of how much I want to be involved in this. So, I'm getting uncomfortable. She's on her way back from having chosen her site with her sister and fiances. She's sent out "Save the Date" cards. I say, "OK, well I guess it's time for us to pick a time to choose your wedding dress." "I already picked out my wedding dress." What? "Well, my sister and I went and they told me that I had to order it that day if I wanted it in time." I told her I had to go. Not sure how she's paying for the dress. I was steaming for days. But I sent her a text - since that's how she likes to communicate - and told her that there seemed to be a misunderstanding. I'm excited to help her plan the happiest day of her life, I'm not writing her a check after she has it all planned out. I forwarded it to her dad. He and I talked and he tried to feed me a line that L may have misunderstood and I made it VERY clear to him that she did NOT misunderstand, she was just selfish. Then he had the great sense to tell me that after having talked to me the week before he had told her that she needed to include me in her wedding plans. I was ranting and raving and cursing up a storm. I told him that if she wanted me to be mother of the bride she had to treat me like the mother of the bride. If she wanted me to be a guest at her wedding then I could be a guest but I wouldn't be both. He actually said "I'm glad to hear that you're being so mature about it, because..." "Oh H--- no! If she wants me to be a guest she's going to be sorry, because guests don't give $1k for the wedding and they don't even have to come so she might as well send our invite to someone else!"
She and her sister picked out her wedding dress 4 blocks from my house. There was no reason whatsoever that they could not have called me and asked me to come with them to be a part of her wedding planning. Now if she wants a $1,000 from me, she can't just blow it all on a dress - which I would not have objected to - she has to figure out how to spend $1,000 in a reasonable way and include me in the planning of it. There's not many single items than a dress that I am going to think is worth blowing $1k on.
To this day I haven't heard a word back from her. I texted her when we got back last week - "Let's have lunch next week. What day are you free?" "Maybe Thursday." I wrote her back with a time and place for Thursday. I'm going to do my best to keep her shut down from a fight, because she's just dying to make this about how I wrecked her wedding and I'm an awful mom. But she needs to know that this is her opportunity to act like an adult woman who cares for her mother enough to include her in her wedding (if she wants $$$) and that these are the things that bring mothers and daughters closer together. Or, since she chose a venue that only seats 48 she can save that seat at the table for someone else. I'm hoping that she chooses to be a good daughter for once in her freaking life.
I know there's something wrong with this girl, but her total lack of empathy and utter selfishness is staggering.
She and I had discussed before she left that "when that happens I'm excited to help you pick out your wedding gown." She agreed. She talked of how much her father would contribute to the wedding a few weeks later, ($10k) and I told her that husband and I had discussed it and we would give her $1k for a wedding gown, and if there was any after that I would help her pick out flowers or a DJ or something. That was fine.
So, I see on her FB page after she comes home that she has a ring.
She doesn't tell me? She's not answering her phone. She knows we're leaving for Mexico the next week. I text her and she answers back, "Well, we were in NZ"... Like that means anything. Her entire FB friends page knows and I don't! I send her messages of congratulations, and how happy we are. Nothing. Then I keep trying to call, get very specific that I want to talk to her, and on the Friday before we leave I tell her, "Call me back, I'm here this afternoon, out tonight, and out tomorrow afternoon, then leaving the next morning." She knows I only answer my cell when I'm out, so that night when she knows I'm out she calls the house. She wasn't expecting husband to be home to answer the phone, thought she was going to get by on a voicemail. So, I wait until about noon to call her the next day, knowing we have to go out. I finally text her and say "You need to call me, we're out after 2 then leaving tomorrow AM." About 1/2 an hour later she texts back "Just coming back from the mountain, I'll call you after I drop my sister off."
She calls back at 2:30. (Our thing was at 3, but I'm not telling her that.) She's all evasive about telling me about the proposal, about the ring, all two word phrases. Her fiance is in the car. I'm sure he has no idea that she has never bothered to talk to me about anything. Either that or he has an entirely different idea of how much I want to be involved in this. So, I'm getting uncomfortable. She's on her way back from having chosen her site with her sister and fiances. She's sent out "Save the Date" cards. I say, "OK, well I guess it's time for us to pick a time to choose your wedding dress." "I already picked out my wedding dress." What? "Well, my sister and I went and they told me that I had to order it that day if I wanted it in time." I told her I had to go. Not sure how she's paying for the dress. I was steaming for days. But I sent her a text - since that's how she likes to communicate - and told her that there seemed to be a misunderstanding. I'm excited to help her plan the happiest day of her life, I'm not writing her a check after she has it all planned out. I forwarded it to her dad. He and I talked and he tried to feed me a line that L may have misunderstood and I made it VERY clear to him that she did NOT misunderstand, she was just selfish. Then he had the great sense to tell me that after having talked to me the week before he had told her that she needed to include me in her wedding plans. I was ranting and raving and cursing up a storm. I told him that if she wanted me to be mother of the bride she had to treat me like the mother of the bride. If she wanted me to be a guest at her wedding then I could be a guest but I wouldn't be both. He actually said "I'm glad to hear that you're being so mature about it, because..." "Oh H--- no! If she wants me to be a guest she's going to be sorry, because guests don't give $1k for the wedding and they don't even have to come so she might as well send our invite to someone else!"
She and her sister picked out her wedding dress 4 blocks from my house. There was no reason whatsoever that they could not have called me and asked me to come with them to be a part of her wedding planning. Now if she wants a $1,000 from me, she can't just blow it all on a dress - which I would not have objected to - she has to figure out how to spend $1,000 in a reasonable way and include me in the planning of it. There's not many single items than a dress that I am going to think is worth blowing $1k on.
To this day I haven't heard a word back from her. I texted her when we got back last week - "Let's have lunch next week. What day are you free?" "Maybe Thursday." I wrote her back with a time and place for Thursday. I'm going to do my best to keep her shut down from a fight, because she's just dying to make this about how I wrecked her wedding and I'm an awful mom. But she needs to know that this is her opportunity to act like an adult woman who cares for her mother enough to include her in her wedding (if she wants $$$) and that these are the things that bring mothers and daughters closer together. Or, since she chose a venue that only seats 48 she can save that seat at the table for someone else. I'm hoping that she chooses to be a good daughter for once in her freaking life.
I know there's something wrong with this girl, but her total lack of empathy and utter selfishness is staggering.
