AmericanGirl
Member
Right after I told difficult child that he was on his own and the Bank of Mom had closed, difficult child decided to contact his bio-dad. The one who gave him up when he was a toddler.
Bio dad came. Then he returned and took difficult child to see his relatives, most of whom difficult child had never met. Bio dad also filled difficult child's all too eager head full of lies about me. The story is FAR FAR worse than anything you could possibly imagine in terms of the level of betrayal. I'd post details but don't want to run the chance of anyone googling and finding this.
Bio dad can't have difficult child live with him (cue violins...) cause he has sooo many problems in life. It appears none of the other 'loving' relatives offered difficult child a place to stay either.
So, difficult child came back to town with a used car courtesy of one of them. (I figured they gave it to him to get him to come back here and away from them.) difficult child contacted me. I talked to him for a long time. difficult child has decided he was never abused and I am a total liar. His evidence is that all these people told him the same story about me and I tell a different story. I show him independent documents and try to get him to understand that a letter bio-dad wrote to someone is NOT evidence but bio-dad's opinion. difficult child isn't listening.
He does ask me to pay his rent for the month and for a small amount of money for gas. I punt on the rent. I give him the other. I know it was dumb but I was totally in shock at that point.
Meet with difficult child a day later. I tell him I don't support people who don't trust me. We talk a lot. He says things like, "I must have lied about being abused." Yeah...sure. He makes some strange statements about bio-dad, things like, "I doubt we will talk much at all." and "I understand why you divorced him." I asked him to explain the last one. He said, "Please don't back me in a corner."
Yes, I believe he was clean and sober during both discussions.
I end up paying the rent. Call it a parting gift.
I have spoken with difficult child once in the last week. He still doesn't have a job. Doesn't appear to worried about it. Sold the car. Bought something cheaper so he is sitting on a pile of cash. That won't last long. And no, he hasn't offered to pay me back any of the money he owes me or for the rent, etc I just paid.
The key phrase during that call was this one - "I talked to Dad. Told him I was still talking to you. He said he is okay with it"
I did not respond. But after all these years of raising this child by myself, with no financial support or any support from bio-dad....isn't that sweet of him to approve that difficult child and I still speak?!?
I believe difficult child is playing one side against the other in a huge way. I'm not playing. I'm not even on the field anymore nor am I in the stadium.
I have no reason to contact difficult child. I can do nothing to solve his problems and refuse to be a part of them anymore. Remember - don't dial pain.
My level of disappointment in my child's choices and behaviors is beyond description. This isn't driven by addiction. He simply doesn't care about himself, me or anyone else. He didn't want to restart a relationship with bio-dad, or anyone else. He was only looking for his next victim.
Bio dad came. Then he returned and took difficult child to see his relatives, most of whom difficult child had never met. Bio dad also filled difficult child's all too eager head full of lies about me. The story is FAR FAR worse than anything you could possibly imagine in terms of the level of betrayal. I'd post details but don't want to run the chance of anyone googling and finding this.
Bio dad can't have difficult child live with him (cue violins...) cause he has sooo many problems in life. It appears none of the other 'loving' relatives offered difficult child a place to stay either.
So, difficult child came back to town with a used car courtesy of one of them. (I figured they gave it to him to get him to come back here and away from them.) difficult child contacted me. I talked to him for a long time. difficult child has decided he was never abused and I am a total liar. His evidence is that all these people told him the same story about me and I tell a different story. I show him independent documents and try to get him to understand that a letter bio-dad wrote to someone is NOT evidence but bio-dad's opinion. difficult child isn't listening.
He does ask me to pay his rent for the month and for a small amount of money for gas. I punt on the rent. I give him the other. I know it was dumb but I was totally in shock at that point.
Meet with difficult child a day later. I tell him I don't support people who don't trust me. We talk a lot. He says things like, "I must have lied about being abused." Yeah...sure. He makes some strange statements about bio-dad, things like, "I doubt we will talk much at all." and "I understand why you divorced him." I asked him to explain the last one. He said, "Please don't back me in a corner."
Yes, I believe he was clean and sober during both discussions.
I end up paying the rent. Call it a parting gift.
I have spoken with difficult child once in the last week. He still doesn't have a job. Doesn't appear to worried about it. Sold the car. Bought something cheaper so he is sitting on a pile of cash. That won't last long. And no, he hasn't offered to pay me back any of the money he owes me or for the rent, etc I just paid.
The key phrase during that call was this one - "I talked to Dad. Told him I was still talking to you. He said he is okay with it"
I did not respond. But after all these years of raising this child by myself, with no financial support or any support from bio-dad....isn't that sweet of him to approve that difficult child and I still speak?!?
I believe difficult child is playing one side against the other in a huge way. I'm not playing. I'm not even on the field anymore nor am I in the stadium.
I have no reason to contact difficult child. I can do nothing to solve his problems and refuse to be a part of them anymore. Remember - don't dial pain.
My level of disappointment in my child's choices and behaviors is beyond description. This isn't driven by addiction. He simply doesn't care about himself, me or anyone else. He didn't want to restart a relationship with bio-dad, or anyone else. He was only looking for his next victim.