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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 672229" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>The same has happened to us Kalahou, same m.o. I mean, appear, disappear. I have done the same, in cleaning out. I suppose it may be a way of my d cs saying, "You don't really mean this, we will be back." I have set about rearranging my house to make it impossible for them to come back. I have recently realized (mine have been out four months now) the damage done in having them home, to them, and to us.</p><p>They do not grow here.</p><p>At first, there would be minimal effort.</p><p>Then it became a sort of vacation.</p><p>For them.</p><p>For, us hard, hard work.</p><p>Not a good relationship.</p><p>I told my Mom, "Mom, in the old days, families lived together but everybody worked at it, everybody contributed."</p><p>Hawaiians say "You no work, you no eat."</p><p>There is something very telling in that simple statement.</p><p>My d cs were not working, but dang, they were feasting at our home. Not in the literal sense, in the sense that they were taking advantage of us in every way. No reciprocity, you know?</p><p></p><p> I like this analogy, too.</p><p></p><p> This is really a big thing, the realization of enabling. It is a catalyst for new beginnings.</p><p>You are doing well Kalahou. I think that everything else with your grands will fall in to place for you folks.</p><p></p><p>I am rooting for you here, keep up the good work and take time to care for yourself. You have great value and a future of your own.</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 672229, member: 19522"] The same has happened to us Kalahou, same m.o. I mean, appear, disappear. I have done the same, in cleaning out. I suppose it may be a way of my d cs saying, "You don't really mean this, we will be back." I have set about rearranging my house to make it impossible for them to come back. I have recently realized (mine have been out four months now) the damage done in having them home, to them, and to us. They do not grow here. At first, there would be minimal effort. Then it became a sort of vacation. For them. For, us hard, hard work. Not a good relationship. I told my Mom, "Mom, in the old days, families lived together but everybody worked at it, everybody contributed." Hawaiians say "You no work, you no eat." There is something very telling in that simple statement. My d cs were not working, but dang, they were feasting at our home. Not in the literal sense, in the sense that they were taking advantage of us in every way. No reciprocity, you know? I like this analogy, too. This is really a big thing, the realization of enabling. It is a catalyst for new beginnings. You are doing well Kalahou. I think that everything else with your grands will fall in to place for you folks. I am rooting for you here, keep up the good work and take time to care for yourself. You have great value and a future of your own. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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