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<blockquote data-quote="Kalahou" data-source="post: 672499" data-attributes="member: 19617"><p>Thank you New Leaf and Cedar and all.</p><p></p><p>Yes “<em>Somewhere Over the Rainbow</em>” is a good song. IZ’s rendition can’t be beat. It really takes you to a good healing place. The video scenes also are so very calming and uplifting. …. “<em>Troubles melt like lemon drops</em>” … umm…. If only …Yes !!</p><p></p><p>So this week I have been moving out son’s stuff little by little. Today I am almost done. As I am making progress, my inner feeling is telling me this is a good move. I keep affirming that I am<em> “setting him free” </em>and<em> “giving him wings” </em>to<em> “stop robbing</em>” him and allow him to “<em>be a man</em>.” You might be thinking that I am enabling him by doing the move out for him, and I wondered that myself. But to not do it myself could very well result in it not getting done at all, or may take months and forever to get it done by son himself, and all the while with bad vibes and a big mess all over. So I honestly feel like doing the move out for him was in fact doing it for myself for what I wanted, so I'm cool with it. I'm seeing the fast results.</p><p></p><p>The other night when son came home (only a quick pit stop to eat / re-pack as usual), he noticed a lot of his stuff out, and asked where a few things were, but he said he is OK with it and said he will be fine. He did not ask for money. He can get around at the moment because he has a bus pass until the end of the month.</p><p></p><p>The Grands will be here next weekend, and surely they will wonder what happened to Daddy’s room? I have a feeling my son will explain it away in a positive light someway to them. I doubt he will say that Gram does not want him to live here anymore and has moved out his stuff because she no longer likes the person he has become and does not want him to live here. However, son is very honest with his kids when he does actually attend to them, so he may very well indeed say just that. So -- interesting / challenging times ahead…</p><p></p><p>He still has no job that I know of. I know son is still working through so many court matters (he has loads of repeated traffic / auto violations that he never takes care of … no license/no insurance/ no seat belt / no car registration (not even his car)/ etc.. etc). In some months he has gotten 6 violations in a month. Of course he never pays them. Sometimes he tells me he is going to the court. Sometimes he has spent nights in jail on bench warrant arrests. I don’t believe anything he tells me anymore. If he does go to the court, OK. If not, more problem for him. I am staying out of it now. He also has so many debts, they are always calling here (I don’t answer any toll-free numbers anymore) and so much mail comes for him that he just leaves unopened. I wish he could get another mailing address. Ugh. I am learning to just let it all run off like rain off the umbrella that is shielding me in my peace about it all. I confess I did use to be fearful about all these things that son did not take care of, but now (as I said before) I am detached and not caring what happens to him. It is up to him and only him.</p><p></p><p>Arriving at my feeling of detachment has been so liberating. I know <em>“I</em> <em>am going to be alright</em>” as my street sign said. What a promise!</p><p></p><p>I’m just treading this new territory step by step to see what happens in the weeks ahead and adjust if needed –but surely (as Child and Tanya wisely cautioned) with the defined boundaries, expectations, consequences and follow through. Son is definitely not coming back to live with us in our house, and he knows that. I do plan to confront him again openly to question him about drug use. I do not know if drugs are part of his problems. But according to some of the signs and symptoms I have recently learned about, he does exhibit some facets of like-kind behaviors that may indeed result from drug use. I will point these out to him to acknowledge that these behaviors are obvious and I and others notice them and they are suspicious. Whether he admits drugs or not, I will emphasize to him that he has the resource information now (I gave it to him) to get mental health (including drug) help if he needs and wants it. I am going to be point blank, that things will only start coming together for him, only if and when he wants it and takes action and gets help if he needs it. It's only if he himself wants to change his circumstances. Once that happens that when he will see stuff happen and change for him. If not it won’t. But that is his path to walk.</p><p></p><p>I visit this site and read the various threads each day and continue to learn so much each time from all of you in this forum family. You are all such a tremendous example and inspiration and support. How thankful I am to have been providentially led here. ~~ Kalahou</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kalahou, post: 672499, member: 19617"] Thank you New Leaf and Cedar and all. Yes “[I]Somewhere Over the Rainbow[/I]” is a good song. IZ’s rendition can’t be beat. It really takes you to a good healing place. The video scenes also are so very calming and uplifting. …. “[I]Troubles melt like lemon drops[/I]” … umm…. If only …Yes !! So this week I have been moving out son’s stuff little by little. Today I am almost done. As I am making progress, my inner feeling is telling me this is a good move. I keep affirming that I am[I] “setting him free” [/I]and[I] “giving him wings” [/I]to[I] “stop robbing[/I]” him and allow him to “[I]be a man[/I].” You might be thinking that I am enabling him by doing the move out for him, and I wondered that myself. But to not do it myself could very well result in it not getting done at all, or may take months and forever to get it done by son himself, and all the while with bad vibes and a big mess all over. So I honestly feel like doing the move out for him was in fact doing it for myself for what I wanted, so I'm cool with it. I'm seeing the fast results. The other night when son came home (only a quick pit stop to eat / re-pack as usual), he noticed a lot of his stuff out, and asked where a few things were, but he said he is OK with it and said he will be fine. He did not ask for money. He can get around at the moment because he has a bus pass until the end of the month. The Grands will be here next weekend, and surely they will wonder what happened to Daddy’s room? I have a feeling my son will explain it away in a positive light someway to them. I doubt he will say that Gram does not want him to live here anymore and has moved out his stuff because she no longer likes the person he has become and does not want him to live here. However, son is very honest with his kids when he does actually attend to them, so he may very well indeed say just that. So -- interesting / challenging times ahead… He still has no job that I know of. I know son is still working through so many court matters (he has loads of repeated traffic / auto violations that he never takes care of … no license/no insurance/ no seat belt / no car registration (not even his car)/ etc.. etc). In some months he has gotten 6 violations in a month. Of course he never pays them. Sometimes he tells me he is going to the court. Sometimes he has spent nights in jail on bench warrant arrests. I don’t believe anything he tells me anymore. If he does go to the court, OK. If not, more problem for him. I am staying out of it now. He also has so many debts, they are always calling here (I don’t answer any toll-free numbers anymore) and so much mail comes for him that he just leaves unopened. I wish he could get another mailing address. Ugh. I am learning to just let it all run off like rain off the umbrella that is shielding me in my peace about it all. I confess I did use to be fearful about all these things that son did not take care of, but now (as I said before) I am detached and not caring what happens to him. It is up to him and only him. Arriving at my feeling of detachment has been so liberating. I know [I]“I[/I] [I]am going to be alright[/I]” as my street sign said. What a promise! I’m just treading this new territory step by step to see what happens in the weeks ahead and adjust if needed –but surely (as Child and Tanya wisely cautioned) with the defined boundaries, expectations, consequences and follow through. Son is definitely not coming back to live with us in our house, and he knows that. I do plan to confront him again openly to question him about drug use. I do not know if drugs are part of his problems. But according to some of the signs and symptoms I have recently learned about, he does exhibit some facets of like-kind behaviors that may indeed result from drug use. I will point these out to him to acknowledge that these behaviors are obvious and I and others notice them and they are suspicious. Whether he admits drugs or not, I will emphasize to him that he has the resource information now (I gave it to him) to get mental health (including drug) help if he needs and wants it. I am going to be point blank, that things will only start coming together for him, only if and when he wants it and takes action and gets help if he needs it. It's only if he himself wants to change his circumstances. Once that happens that when he will see stuff happen and change for him. If not it won’t. But that is his path to walk. I visit this site and read the various threads each day and continue to learn so much each time from all of you in this forum family. You are all such a tremendous example and inspiration and support. How thankful I am to have been providentially led here. ~~ Kalahou [/QUOTE]
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