Losing it

[wantpeace]

Yesterday was a bad day to say the least. First of all I got a call from difficult child's IOP counselor. She said difficult child failed his drug test. He got a 10 for THC. A month ago when he entered inpatient I think it was 100, but they said it was negative when he left the program last week. Therefore, in their opinion, he used marijuana. They said he can't come back to IOP because he used right after inpatient. He hasn't left the house except to go to and from school with his teacher and doesn't leave campus. No one comes to the house either. He completely denies using. He said THC is stored in the fatty tissues and that it could be that he worked out the day he was tested and didn't drink any water. In the past, he's been very honest about his use. I've left my purse out with money to see if he would steal from me and he's never even done that. What do you guys think? In the past when he used after being at a negative level, his results went up way more than a 10.

To top it off, as soon as I got off the phone with the counselor, difficult child's teacher called and was very upset. difficult child stayed after school to help the teacher clean the classroom and when they went outside a boy who also attends school there had rounded up two car loads of boys to help him beat up difficult child. The teacher got difficult child back inside, threatened to call 911 if they didn't leave, and suspended the boy who organized the fight.

So now difficult child is kicked out of IOP, has to attend an alternative school where his safety is threatened, and has court in a couple weeks. I'm so upset that I can't even answer calls from my family and friends. I am isolating myself because no one else in my life understands this nightmare I'm living. Yes, I'm having a pity party all by myself!

 

[Calamity Jane]

Hi,
Sorry about these problems, wantpeace. It sounds frustrating and overwhelming. Question: does your son usually exercise, or is that very unusual for him? Because a readingof 10 does seem so very low. Is there any way he/you can appeal that ruling, or have him retested? Regarding the school incident, that is terrible. Fortunately, the teacher was heads-up. It was good that he was helping the teacher, which seems so contrary to difficult child behavior, doesn't it? I just hope these occurrences don't send him (and you) into despair.

 

[Nancy]

I'm so sorry that this is all happening. If it were my difficult child I would not believe her, but it does sound like your difficult child is telling the truth.

I've done some reading and from what I understand that low a level could signify the continual elimination of THC from a chronic user. So that would mean he did not use but his body is continuing to eliminate it from his system. One of my difficult child's drug tests came back as a 9 a couple months after she stopped and they said they do not consider that current use. I would try calling a lab to get their take on that number. Maybe you can ask the IOP to test him again in a week and if the number is declining they should realize he is not currrently using.

My difficult child was kicked out of her IOP due to mj use also so I understand.

Why did thes boys want to beat up your difficult child? I'm glad the teacher was able to intervene.

Nancy

 

[InsaneCdn]

He said THC is stored in the fatty tissues and that it could be that he worked out the day he was tested and didn't drink any water

Definitely possible. It can show up on drug tests YEARS later, per GFGbro's exceptional doctor...

 

[buddy]

Sorry for the intense issues. I hope they can review the test. I would be beside myself for the safety of difficult child at that school. What plan do they have to keep him safe going to and from school?? Were all the boys involved punished in some way? I can't imagine them dropping it.

You are not alone. We are all right here and if you can't answer your phone or go out, please keep talking to us so you can realize that there are people who care and understand. Be kind to yourself. HUGS to you and difficult child.

 

[AmericanGirl]

WantPeace,

One would think they would understand about small residues left over.

Have you discussed this with anyone in the school system? Your child being threatened should be a HUGE red flag for them to make allowances. Maybe they could test him again...sort of get a baseline.

I think I might research this and go in with concrete studies showing a residue does not equal usage under these circumstances.

Know that I am sending you peaceful thoughts.

 

[recoveringenabler]

I am so sorry your are going through this. Yes, I also know that THC can stay in your system for upwards of 12 weeks, if not longer. I just went through this with a good friend who has medical MJ and was offered a great job, but needed to be drug free to meet their criteria. They were in a different state which does not permit MMJ so she had to stop the MJ use to get the job. She went down a long 3 month drug testing experience where the tests kept coming back positive many weeks after she stopped. She did a lot of research into how long it takes THC to exit the body and fortunately for her the company allowed 3 or 4 tests over a period of time, and finally, after many weeks, the test was negative for THC. I don't know if your difficult child is telling the truth or not and I know virtually nothing about IOP, however, could you request another drug test? Perhaps this one time he is telling the truth. I'm sorry you are having to go through this. Prayers for you so this has a good outcome for you and your difficult child. Hugs to you.

 

[Signorina]

I agree with Nancy. While it always seems that our difficult child's have these "likely stories..." I think that the benefits outweigh the risks on insisting he is re-tested immediately and restested regularly. I would definitely insist he be reinstated in the IOP.

And I would let him know that you are on his side and that you are his strongest advocate SO LONG AS HE IS CLEAN. And I would test him at home REGULARLY so you can compare to the IOPs testing. If he did actually smoke, it will send a clear signal that he will not get away with it again. If he didn't smoke, it sends a clear signal that you are in his corner. If he's thinking of smoking, he knows you will catch on. Maybe even consider a quantitative blood test at the dr to start.

When we were drug testing difficult child - we found inexpensive drug tests online at drugtestyourteen.com I am not affiliated - they have a good deal and are very nice people.

and sending you many many many {hugs}

 

[wantpeace]

The boy who organized the fight is suspended until April 10th and will be out for good if one more thing happens. difficult child and the teacher don't even know the other kids that were there. This is a charter school with only one teacher and an assistant. The fight started over words difficult child and the boy had during school. difficult child gets a ride to and from school with the teacher. She offered because of difficult child's bond conditions.

I really believe that difficult child didn't use simply because he's brutally honest normally. I just called to talk to an inpatient nurse and she did say that it's possible for a slight amount of THC to show up after exercise. She said their tests are even more accurate than those at a hospital - way more sensitive than over-the-counter tests. She advised that I talk to the counselor on Monday.

Right now he's being so verbally abusive to me that I don't even know if I want to go to bat for him at all. I'm cleaning and mentioned that he should be helping and he must've called me every name in the book. It's times like this that make me just watch him fall flat on his face when he tries to make it on his own! He never used to act this way and now it's like he's insane at times and so disrespectful that it makes my blood boil.

 

[toughlovin]

My first reaction is that he probably did use a small amount, because I would think the IOP would be experienced in this and in my case my difficult child often lies and is good at it.... but in your case I think it is a good idea to retest him and see what the next test says.... after he has not been exercising.

However the abusive behavior towards you definitely gives pause... my difficult child was always most abusive when using. Somehow when using he loses the ability to keep his cool and he lets out his anger more easily.

Also if he really wanted to use he would find a way I am sure.

I hope the call with the school goes well.

TL

 

[AmericanGirl]

I'm cleaning and mentioned that he should be helping and he must've called me every name in the book. It's times like this that make me just watch him fall flat on his face when he tries to make it on his own! He never used to act this way and now it's like he's insane at times and so disrespectful that it makes my blood boil.

WantPeace,

I am at EXACTLY the same point with my difficult child.

I got a well-deserved lecture from my Al-anon sponsor yesterday because I warned difficult child three times before I did something.

Please understand my comment is to help. Have you considered telling him to help? We all know they should help. But, if your difficult child is like mine, they haven't got a clue. Besides, some exercise might help him work off that anger.

It's working for me. Yardwork brings peace.

One other thing I have done with difficult child is to use my ipod at times when I don't really want to hear his voice. If he indicates he wants to speak, I will slowly remove the headphones - very nicely because if he figures out what I am doing he will only talk more - listen and then slowly put them back in. He gets tired of it soon and shuts up.

I recommend what I call my Angry Woman playlist....lololol

Sending peace your way.

 

[Kathy813]

Wow, that teacher is certainly going out of her way to help. I wonder if she has thought of the legal liability if she has an accident with your difficult child in the car or if, heaven forbid, he accuses her of doing something to him.

When I was getting my Ed.S degree, the professor in my Teachers and the Law class said that we should never, ever, have a student in our car or even be alone with them at any time. That teacher is taking a big risk to help your difficult child.

I don't have the answer about the marijuana but it seems that the IOP would be very aware that trace amounts can show up for a while. It certainly is puzzling.

As far as the verbal abuse, all I can say is to walk away. Of course, that is so much easier said than done. I never managed to do it myself.

~Kathy