Losing my mind!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mandcc96, Apr 15, 2008.

  1. mandcc96

    mandcc96 New Member

    I'm here because I feel like I'm losing my mind and at this point in my life any imput that doesn't leave me in the frazzled position I'm in right now is a help. I'm new here and recognizing that my daughter has some serious issues that need some serious help. She's 13 and I feel like I've been walking on eggshells for the last 12 years of my life. She's explosive, violent, threatening, refuses to listen to any adult (except for at school and I was told that she holds it together for school out of fear of punishment), and tormenting to the rest of the family (my husband, 11 yo sis, and 2 yo sis who has her own extensive medical issues, and the family cat). She snaps back and forth from raging to nice so quickly you'd think she was getting study lessons from Linda Blair. She can be the nicest person you've ever met. Would do anything for any one of her friends. Her extreme emotions run deep in all directions. She has extreme anxiety (she still sleeps on my floor when there's thunderstorms). She also still reassurance from nightmares. I don't know how to reach her. I know some of this is coming from being a teenager but she's above and beyond the teenage misery. She slammed her sisters hand with the door the other day and said "the wind blew it into her hand". Then she proceeded to call her sister a baby cuz she was crying. This is just one incident in a history of tormenting. (My 11 yo is very emotional in a sad way, I think it's cuz her sister is always mean and insulting and tormenting to her) I try to find the positive in her but when she steals from me and lies to my face about it or goes online and swears she never was, I have a difficult time being supportive and positive. We tried to seek professional help from a psychiatrist but she refused to get out of the car. On the occasion that I could get her out of the car and into the home (it was a private office) she tried to chase the animals there. Then she was defiant and refused to talk to take any responsibility for her actions. She still acts that way to this day. I've tried just about every approach possible in dealing with her. The only thing that works in getting some response from her is to count (1-2-3). We don't usually make it to 3 unless she's beyond a counting state. She was diagnosed with-ADHD with impulsivity when she was in 2nd grade. She also has some Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Her first experiences with medications was when she was 3 and the local dr. said she had ADHD. She was on Strattera for quite some time when she was in 5th grade but was very depressed (which isn't typical for her...she refuses to show that side of emotion). She also was almost hospitalized since she refused to eat and was only 55 lbs. We haven't found anyone yet to work with and financially can't afford any more doctors. My youngest has gerd, hypercalcemia, dysphagia, and vonwillibrands. Her issues alone are a huge financial burden and I know it will not be met with agreement when I tell my family I have to spend money on a "shrink". I don't know what else to do and between my husband and the girls always fighting I am absolutely losing my mind. If there's anyone out there who could offer some advice on how they make it through each day, I'd love some. I thank god everyday for my family but I wish we could get along and love each other as much as we're supposed to. I don't think any of us likes the other much right now. Thanks for listening to me rant.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there and welcome.
    First of all, I don't think you can get by without having her intensely evaluated. Do you have insurance? If not, I would take her to the local mental health facility. They may not have top-notch doctors, but you can't NOT do something. I have a few questions that could help us help you:

    1/How was her early development? Speech, eye contact, peer interaction, any quirky behaviors? Did she flap her hands, line up toys, etc? Has she ever had a neuropsychologist evaluation?

    2/ Are there any psychiatric problems or substance abuse on either side of her family tree? Any mood disorders? Any possibly undiagnosed mentally ill relatives? Most psychiatric and neurological issues that cause behavior problems are inherited, and it sounds like she has always been atypical.

    I don't know that you can change her until she is properly diagnosed and possibly medicated. As a layperson, it sounds like way more than ADHD to me. It sounds like (and this is just a guess) she may have a serious mood disorder, and that she is dangerous and this MUST be addressed. It won't get better on it's own. I would try to scrape the money together to get more help for her. She could try self-medicating with recreational drugs to feel more normal if she doesn't get help now, and that's a whole new mess of problems (I have a daughter who once used drugs). I don't really think that doing nothing but trying different behavioral methods will help you. And I don't think any of us can completely help you. I really think you need to see another Psychiatrist (with the MD) or a NeuroPsychologist (they test intensively, often for up to twelve hours).

    Others will come along with their opinions. Take care and welcome again.

  3. mandcc96

    mandcc96 New Member

    We have done the neuropsychologist testing. That was when she was diagnosed with the ADHD. They completed 3 hours of the 16 units and said that she couldn't even sit for the rest of the testing. We do have family history, my mother was "anxiety-depressive", which I think today would be bi-polar. She commited suicide 11 years ago after numerous attempts throughout her life. My brother is an explosive, abusive person who I don't speak to whatsoever. My father is a sex-offender. (this poor kid got it all). I've been told that I'm the family freak since I've tried hard to not become like any of them. I'm afraid she's going to be like my brother and my middle daughter is following in my mother's footsteps of depression from all the tormenting. I do have insurance but it's the copays that are sinking us. Since my youngest's health issues I can't even babysit since she gets very sick from people so it's all on my husband's income. I'm trying to find someone but everyone in our area I've already met with or they have bad raps.
  4. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Welcome. I'm glad you found us.

    I agree that it sounds like more than ADHD. Is it possible that your insurance might cover a day treatment program or inpatient stay at a psychiatrist hospital? That way she could get fully evaluated and begin treatment. It's one way of forcing compliance when she won't cooperate with going to a psychiatrist.

    Again, welcome.
  5. marykay223

    marykay223 There has to be help

    My 23 year old son has issues that have been worsening and worsening. I had to remove him from the health insurance due to miss using the medications. He has repeatedly threatened me with all sort of issues that are not true. I have had to unplug my phone and put my cell phone on silent so that I don't have to listen to his ranting and raving. He needs to be in a long term facility and I have written 100s of letters to Dr Phil but have not gotten a response. My friends are stating that I need to file harrassment charges on him and maybe that would make it stop. I don't think so. I am at a complete loss of what to do. I have a therapist that states - "he will never be normal like other young adults" and "that he will always find someone to take care of him." When he gets on these tangents - I have started to just keep the issues to myself, because I don't want my friends having to deal with this. He needs to be in a long term facility that he will not be able to AMA himself. Any suggestions?
  6. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Mandcc96, welcome.

    You need help with her. I do understand the problem of not being able to leave your child with someone else - it does make it even more difficult, when it comes to expenses. Stick around here, you will get ideas and support within your price range!

    If you've been lurking here at all, you will see that we often recommend a book, "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene, among other really good books. I strongly urge you to find a copy (local library is a good start) and maybe read up on it (Early Childhood forum has some discussion on it, although the book applies across the age groups).

    Your difficult child needs help. Your easy child does too, in a different way. So do you and your husband. The book might help, at least in terms of being able to negotiate with difficult child to comply. You should have a lot of leverage with her - after all, you feed her, you clothe her, you educate her - and in there she undoubtedly gets a lot more than bare subsistence.

    Another strong suggestion - please try and do a sig, so it can appear after your post. It saves you having to rewrite all the relevant details in each post; all we have to do is check below and refresh our memories on your own situation. You put in it as much or as little as you feel comfortable with (although not too much, the site sets strict limits).

    Marykay, welcome to the site also. Your problem is somewhat different and warrants individual attention from people - how about you begin your own thread about your son and your concerns for him? That way you are likely to get more help directed purely towards you. In this thread, it's likely to get overlooked as we try to help Mandcc96 with her daughter's problems. If you post over in Parent Emeritus, you will be drawing the attention of parents with offspring about the same age as yours, hopefully they will be better equipped and experienced to help you.

  7. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome to the site! We understand your confusion and frustration. I will echo what smallworld suggested/asked:

    "....sounds like more than ADHD. Is it possible that your insurance might cover a day treatment program or inpatient stay at a psychiatrist hospital? That way she could get fully evaluated and begin treatment. It's one way of forcing compliance when she won't cooperate with going to a psychiatrist."

    Sometimes we have to do what is considered the most drastic to help our difficult child's the most.