Losing My Mind

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by WendiLorene, Apr 8, 2011.

  1. WendiLorene

    WendiLorene New Member

    For anyone out there who can help...

    My now ex-husband and I adopted our son 8 years ago - we took him home from the hospital. He has been raised in a home that has been good, but good isn't enough.

    He was born with FASD, ODD, ADHD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) and Tourette's. He is very difficult and it is at best hard to try and do it alone. He has sabotaged any type of relationship, both intentionally and unintentionally. My personal fear is that I will have to do this alone for the rest of my life.

    We have tried so many different medications, and now we just started Tenex along with his Straterra and Prozac. I don't know what to do. Counseling does not seem to help with him, he has no friends because he hurts people, family doesn't understand, and well my friends are few and far between because it seems I am always trying to put out a fire.

    Any words of wisdom, advice, anything...would be appreciated.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    How much do you know about Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS)?
  3. WendiLorene

    WendiLorene New Member

    I know what I have read, which has been quite a bit. I also have an acquaintance whose son was FASD and completed suicide when he was 21. Other than that - if there are people out there with experience I would welcome whatever they can offer.
  4. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Can you say more about what the sabotaging of relationship, intentional and unintentional, involves? Do you feel that there are attachment problems?
    I understand about the hardship of doing it on your own. Also about an ex-husband who does not want to believe diagnosis (although my own son doesn't actually have one at the moment - I mean that he comes from a culture and background that does not understanding or acceptance of psychological/neurobiological problems). The only advice I can offer, for what it is worth, is to try to restore some of the faith and joy in your damaged relationship; for me this involves accepting my son as he is (and I don't always succeed) - I can't know what it involves for you. One simply cannot exist in mutual misery and conflict.
  5. rlsnights

    rlsnights New Member

    This might be a really bad idea but my first impulse? Go to court to have custody transferred to DEX. Or at least get mandatory visitation of several weeks in a row several times a year.

    Since he knows everything and feels there's no diagnosis and therefore (I presume) no reason for DS's bad behavior except that you are spoiling him?

    If he is physically hurting people then I think you are going to eventually have to turn his custody over to the State or institutionalize him. Depending on what he's doing, you might already be there. Hope you sleep with a deadbolt lock on your bedroom door.
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Have you ever read Fantastic Anton Succeeds?

    My son was tested for fetal alcohol syndrome/effects when we adopted him because his birthmother did drugs and drank. I learned a lot about it too during that time. One thing I do know is that there is brain damage with it and, at the very worst, the k ids do not understand right from wrong so they keep repeating the same mistakes. Have you seen any professionals who understand Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS)? I had to search long and hard to find anyone who could tell me what to look for and what to expect if he was on the fetal alcohol spectrum. We dodged that bullet, but certainly his autism is probably do to drugs/alcohol in his system before birth...

    Keep us posted!