losing my peace of mind

1905

Well-Known Member
Steely,
((HUGS!)) I think there is truth the fact that, as mothers we can only be as happy as our unhappiest child. That's how I feel anyway when my kids are having troubles- someone always seems to be. That move was the best thing for you. Something that work sfor me is to excersise. I mean work out so hard that you are reduced to being so spent you can't even open the car door. It is a euphoric feeling, one that I seek twice a day-I'm overboard I know- but all your troubles will melt away when you're finished, you'll feel SO good. If you can't join a gym, just run, run, run. The hardest part is going the first time. A gym will let you try it for a week before you join. I'm just throwing out this idea, I want you to feel good!
 

totoro

Mom? What's a difficult child?
I was listening to her newer album and I love her voice and she made me think of you which made me think of this song it brought it a tear to my eye...

I was actually listening to her song, "One last time" while I was reading this and it struck a chord...

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kpxNXZCLBg"]YouTube - Edie Brickell & New Bohemians - Circle[/ame]
 

Steely

Active Member
Thanks guys for your support:D

Yes I am still here - I guess I just want to make sure that I am a contributing member of this board - and not someone who hoovers it dry with all of her drama. I do not want to be that person.

I know you guys do not know me in person - but there is probably not one person that I know casually that would ever guess I have struggled so hard in my life. I am very contained and controlled. So I guess when I come on the board I tend to let out my raw feelings - but perhaps that is confusing and worrisome to you all. Perhaps I should preface my post by saying - these are just raw feelings - and I really am a stable, functioning individual.

I am 42, and up until I moved to AZ every year of my life was filled with some sort of trauma. I have resolve to not spend another ounce of my energy in a trauma filled environment - so when I start to feel triggered now - I want to know why - so that I can get back to my place of Zen. That is why I originally posted - because I want to always come back to my place of Zen, and not ever be lead back into situations or relationships that produce trauma.

Again - thanks........
(3 shadows - our souls must be aligned?;))
 

Wiped Out

Well-Known Member
Staff member
Steely,
You have dealt with so much the last few years, know that you and Matt are still in my daily prayers. Hugs.
 

Star*

call 911........call 911
Define whine - because all I saw was someone asking others - what can I do? I don't see that as whine. I had NO clue you are on the highest dose of lexapro, and honestly didn't know you were seeing a therapist. So no, I did not know that. If I did know it? I forgot it. For that you'll have to forgive ME for - because I can barely keep up with people in my own life day to day - of which you have become a part of, but like them as well - I forget things they tell me too.

You said:

I have had 6 weeks of great mental peace (other than not sleeping) since I moved - and now I feel the internal frustration building again. I cannot keep up, it seems, with work, not to mention life - and I feel mad all of the time, and frustrated, and I can sense the depression creeping back in.

Steely - I'm not attacking you in my post. I made a very bold choice to tell you what I think based on your post information. You didn't just say WELL WORK STINKS - you said you feel frustration again. I naturally felt that it was from all the horrible past year or so that you've endured and caused you the most frustration. Several of us at the time you were going through all the turmoil of H's loss - suggested you see a bereavement counselor to help you understand what had happened. To my knowledge you never did. I don't remember you saying at that time either that you had been seeing a counselor once a week for six years. Otherwise I think I would have said "Now is a good time to speak to your therapist." But maybe you did - and I missed your reply or post.

As far as your comment that you have over-whined on the board? I'm not sure where else you could get stuff like we (all of us) have out of your system better than here - but that means when you do (you, me anyone) we get several different opinions because we are several different people.

But I guess I totally misunderstood your post and I've explained why I wrote what I wrote. I've never intentionally set out to hurt anyone here or anywhere else for that matter in my life because I've known more so than not what it's like to be that misunderstood person and it's not a very good place to be. No one likes to be misunderstood. I apologize for not clearly understanding what you wrote and responding in kind. IT was only ever meant to help.

Star

 

Steely

Active Member
Thank you Star* - I know you never meant to attack me. I just felt labeled and put in a box - which is a trigger for me. I always want people to be honest with me. Always. So your honesty is welcome. I guess I just need honesty to be based on truth - therefore perhaps I should always post with a preface of "here is what I have done or am doing to alleviate my past issues". I know you guys do not know me - and nobody can remember people from post to post - I totally understand. My bad for not identifying myself better in a post. Lesson learned.
 
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