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Parent Emeritus
Loss of hope, mostly venting
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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 753648" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>CKay</p><p></p><p>I feel such a "sister-hood" reading your post. I share many of your feelings. Our healing takes time and it takes work. I've been in Al-anon for a little over 2 1/2 yrs., I have a sponsor, I've been seeing a therapist for two years and I pray, meditate and read good material to enlighten and uplift me just about every day. I also try to exercise and do things for myself.</p><p></p><p>Until you (by the grace of God, I feel) can start little by little to put yourself first, you will continue to keep your sons as the focus of your life. So what happens when we do this (in my opinion) is those foreboding, gloom filled, despondent, heart wrenching thoughts become dominant in our thinking. WE MUST CHANGE THAT. And how do we do that? You just do it (as a "Wise" woman once told me). </p><p></p><p>You make the decision to control your own thoughts. Don't let the hurtful, painful ones get the best of you. It almost hurt my brain doing that when I first started. It helped me understand what this "mindfulness" stuff was all about. To say over and over in my head things like " I am good, I am loving, I have peace", or things similar to this, is to help us replace the old negative pattern of thinking and make the good pattern more dominant. It's very difficult because the other pattern of thinking became so strong for me. It grew and grew the more I nourished it with more gloomy, hurting thoughts. It is not easy but it can be done. </p><p></p><p>I've heard people in my Al anon group say, "you are not responsible for another person's happiness". I take a deep sigh (do I really believe this?). That's been part of my journey. I've always felt that my sons happiness depended on me. WOW! What a huge burden I place upon myself. So I try to turn them over to God every time a thought of them comes into my mind. I cannot possible have all the answers for the multitude of things that would need to take place for them to get their lives together. I couldn't possibly orchestrate that even if I tried my hardest. Too many planets have to be aligned!</p><p></p><p>I recently read something that resonated with me. It said something like, "prayer is not giving direction to God, it's asking God to show you His will". I'm working on that because I tend to give very specific directions on how I want things to play out for my sons when in reality I probably don't have the "right" plan. I'm trying to leave it up to God and let him change "me" so that I'm better able to handle the situation. </p><p></p><p>...work in progress going on.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 753648, member: 23405"] CKay I feel such a "sister-hood" reading your post. I share many of your feelings. Our healing takes time and it takes work. I've been in Al-anon for a little over 2 1/2 yrs., I have a sponsor, I've been seeing a therapist for two years and I pray, meditate and read good material to enlighten and uplift me just about every day. I also try to exercise and do things for myself. Until you (by the grace of God, I feel) can start little by little to put yourself first, you will continue to keep your sons as the focus of your life. So what happens when we do this (in my opinion) is those foreboding, gloom filled, despondent, heart wrenching thoughts become dominant in our thinking. WE MUST CHANGE THAT. And how do we do that? You just do it (as a "Wise" woman once told me). You make the decision to control your own thoughts. Don't let the hurtful, painful ones get the best of you. It almost hurt my brain doing that when I first started. It helped me understand what this "mindfulness" stuff was all about. To say over and over in my head things like " I am good, I am loving, I have peace", or things similar to this, is to help us replace the old negative pattern of thinking and make the good pattern more dominant. It's very difficult because the other pattern of thinking became so strong for me. It grew and grew the more I nourished it with more gloomy, hurting thoughts. It is not easy but it can be done. I've heard people in my Al anon group say, "you are not responsible for another person's happiness". I take a deep sigh (do I really believe this?). That's been part of my journey. I've always felt that my sons happiness depended on me. WOW! What a huge burden I place upon myself. So I try to turn them over to God every time a thought of them comes into my mind. I cannot possible have all the answers for the multitude of things that would need to take place for them to get their lives together. I couldn't possibly orchestrate that even if I tried my hardest. Too many planets have to be aligned! I recently read something that resonated with me. It said something like, "prayer is not giving direction to God, it's asking God to show you His will". I'm working on that because I tend to give very specific directions on how I want things to play out for my sons when in reality I probably don't have the "right" plan. I'm trying to leave it up to God and let him change "me" so that I'm better able to handle the situation. ...work in progress going on. [/QUOTE]
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