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Parent Emeritus
Loss of hope, mostly venting
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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 753683" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>Beta</p><p>if you care to. Read posts from Copa and others to me about three months ago. My oldest son physically threatened me and constantly verbally abused me because I would not give him anymore money. Day after day I would open his emails only to receive a dagger in my heart. Copa said something along the lines that I likely did this because each time I did, I was hoping that he had changed and instead, nothing changed. I set myself up for pain each and every time. Almost like I deserved to be hurt. It was almost compulsory that I’d view them knowing with 99.9% surety nothing pleasant was waiting for me.</p><p></p><p>Maybe I felt I needed to be punished because he was hurting. But the bottom line was I finally stopped reading them.</p><p></p><p>It is sad that I haven’t heard from him a few months but he has so much healing that needs take place, that a day or two would not suffice. I have realized that this separation is what I needed to begin healing myself so that even when the time comes in the future that we connect again whether or not he’s made sustained changes, I will have been focusing on me. I will have changed. I will have changed because I value my own self worth.</p><p></p><p>I think for so long I felt worthless because my sons didn’t value me. But I am a good person and I have other people in my life who support me and care about me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 753683, member: 23405"] Beta if you care to. Read posts from Copa and others to me about three months ago. My oldest son physically threatened me and constantly verbally abused me because I would not give him anymore money. Day after day I would open his emails only to receive a dagger in my heart. Copa said something along the lines that I likely did this because each time I did, I was hoping that he had changed and instead, nothing changed. I set myself up for pain each and every time. Almost like I deserved to be hurt. It was almost compulsory that I’d view them knowing with 99.9% surety nothing pleasant was waiting for me. Maybe I felt I needed to be punished because he was hurting. But the bottom line was I finally stopped reading them. It is sad that I haven’t heard from him a few months but he has so much healing that needs take place, that a day or two would not suffice. I have realized that this separation is what I needed to begin healing myself so that even when the time comes in the future that we connect again whether or not he’s made sustained changes, I will have been focusing on me. I will have changed. I will have changed because I value my own self worth. I think for so long I felt worthless because my sons didn’t value me. But I am a good person and I have other people in my life who support me and care about me. [/QUOTE]
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Loss of hope, mostly venting
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