HopeRemains
New Member
Yesterday, husband asked me what was wrong when he called- he could hear the stress in my voice. I told him I couldn't talk about it right then and that I would tell him later. He asked me to email him about it. This was the email:
"Well, I was watching Dr. Phil today and there was a kid like difficult child on there, video of him screaming and being physical with his mom, the mom locked herself in her room to escape him, etc. The parents said they were afraid the kid was going to hurt or kill the mom. Must have struck a chord with easy child, because he looked at me and started talking about when difficult child told he was going to kill him with a knife in the tent that time. I asked him if he was scared by that, he said yes, and that he's always scared when difficult child hits him and tells him stories.
difficult child came home about 10 minutes later and the first thing easy child said was that he told me about the tent incident, to which difficult child acted confused and denied. I just tried to shut easy child up about it because the only other time I ever brought it up to difficult child he threw an apple and screamed at easy child that he was a liar.
10 minutes later, again, difficult child watched the part where Dr. Phil interviewed the kid, nothing really big, the kid lied his way through it. But difficult child said "Hey, Mom, I had a bad dream last night." I asked what about. He said about zombies and one of the zombies told him to go kill some dogs. Then 5 minutes later difficult child asked me what was in my cup- Blood? And... that's about when you called and asked what the matter was."
So, after husband read that, he called difficult child over to him and made him stand in front of him while he had one of his little "talks" with him. When he's not sticking his head in the sand, he is making things worse by treating difficult child like a normal child who might respond to the threat of a spanking, and he seems to think he can talk to difficult child enough that he will stop acting this way... While they did this, I had to take easy child into his bedroom to play, because I just don't want him to have to see that anymore than he already has. That- and I just get mad at husband when he does this, because he basically comes in, guns blazing, oh... maybe 4 times a year. It frustrates me because other than that, he mostly acts like there isn't a real problem or I am over reacting.
After the boys went to bed, I asked husband what he thought of my email. He told me that he made sure to tell difficult child that all the gory blood talk was "finished" and that he'd better start "acting nice". Yeah, good talk. I said "But what do you think about easy child saying that he is scared of difficult child?". He rolled his eyes and told me that he didn't believe that at all, because if easy child was really scared of difficult child, he wouldn't want to go play outside with him. I got pretty irrate, which was silly, because it's nothing I didn't already realize and I am taking my little one to safety on the 17th anyhow, but I sort of flipped my lid. He said "Where's all of this coming from? Because you think it's Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)??????" in a VERY sarcastic tone. I yelled that NO, it's coming from 7 years of personal experience! He really doesn't care, he really thinks that nothing is seriously wrong. I guess he thinks that our 3 yr old is making things up? Well, he's not.
easy child and I were watching a movie (wolverine origins) and he asked me who the good guys were and who the bad guys were. He asked why some guys turned into bad guys and I told him that some people were just not nice people. He said, difficult child thinks he's a bad guy, because he likes to hurt me. husband saw nothing wrong with that, either.
"Well, I was watching Dr. Phil today and there was a kid like difficult child on there, video of him screaming and being physical with his mom, the mom locked herself in her room to escape him, etc. The parents said they were afraid the kid was going to hurt or kill the mom. Must have struck a chord with easy child, because he looked at me and started talking about when difficult child told he was going to kill him with a knife in the tent that time. I asked him if he was scared by that, he said yes, and that he's always scared when difficult child hits him and tells him stories.
difficult child came home about 10 minutes later and the first thing easy child said was that he told me about the tent incident, to which difficult child acted confused and denied. I just tried to shut easy child up about it because the only other time I ever brought it up to difficult child he threw an apple and screamed at easy child that he was a liar.
10 minutes later, again, difficult child watched the part where Dr. Phil interviewed the kid, nothing really big, the kid lied his way through it. But difficult child said "Hey, Mom, I had a bad dream last night." I asked what about. He said about zombies and one of the zombies told him to go kill some dogs. Then 5 minutes later difficult child asked me what was in my cup- Blood? And... that's about when you called and asked what the matter was."
So, after husband read that, he called difficult child over to him and made him stand in front of him while he had one of his little "talks" with him. When he's not sticking his head in the sand, he is making things worse by treating difficult child like a normal child who might respond to the threat of a spanking, and he seems to think he can talk to difficult child enough that he will stop acting this way... While they did this, I had to take easy child into his bedroom to play, because I just don't want him to have to see that anymore than he already has. That- and I just get mad at husband when he does this, because he basically comes in, guns blazing, oh... maybe 4 times a year. It frustrates me because other than that, he mostly acts like there isn't a real problem or I am over reacting.
After the boys went to bed, I asked husband what he thought of my email. He told me that he made sure to tell difficult child that all the gory blood talk was "finished" and that he'd better start "acting nice". Yeah, good talk. I said "But what do you think about easy child saying that he is scared of difficult child?". He rolled his eyes and told me that he didn't believe that at all, because if easy child was really scared of difficult child, he wouldn't want to go play outside with him. I got pretty irrate, which was silly, because it's nothing I didn't already realize and I am taking my little one to safety on the 17th anyhow, but I sort of flipped my lid. He said "Where's all of this coming from? Because you think it's Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)??????" in a VERY sarcastic tone. I yelled that NO, it's coming from 7 years of personal experience! He really doesn't care, he really thinks that nothing is seriously wrong. I guess he thinks that our 3 yr old is making things up? Well, he's not.
easy child and I were watching a movie (wolverine origins) and he asked me who the good guys were and who the bad guys were. He asked why some guys turned into bad guys and I told him that some people were just not nice people. He said, difficult child thinks he's a bad guy, because he likes to hurt me. husband saw nothing wrong with that, either.