I've shared this before......it always gives me pause......a beautiful truth I believe.
I so agree. And for those of you still entangled with your Difficult Child it hard to see, in the future when you are well enough (detached) you will see that you are capable of loving someone with no expectation that they live the way you think they "should". You will always love your child. Always. Giving in through detachment is a way to your own personal freedom but it absolutely is about loving without boundaries - allowing the other (Difficult Child) person to live, even in ways that we would not wish for them to. Loving them when they fail, but not feeling they are so helpless (judgement) that they can not live without you rescuing them. It is a long, lonely path, each person has to walk to get to the point of loving someone without judgment.I think "love is blind" is easy. While loving without judgment is not so easy, it has so much to do with acceptance and letting go of expectations and shoulds and needing someone to be a certain way. I think that is unconditional love. Loving without conditions is the goal I believe......it's what I aspire to. Well, I practice, every single day.
I can accept their behavior. I mean, really, what choice do I have?
I pity the poor fool, including me, who does this again and again with most of the offspring we have here.
It is another thing to love them when they are saying they need food, they need a lawyer, they need, they need, and Mom won't you please help me? And we give it. And we end up feeling like crap.
Yes, this I understand.It's the behavior that is judged as negative, not the person.
This makes sense too. Maybe sometimes once we remove "doing stuff for them" from the relationship, it distills everything out until only the love remains.When I stopped the giving, the giving that was not appropriate for me, my resentment stopped, then my anger stopped, then my judgement stopped.
Yes, absolutely. To me, love doesn't mean forgetting what has happened but also doesn't mean excluding future possibilities. People can and do change, every day.I hope for the best but try to be realistic about where everyone is in their life journey.
Thank you, COM. That was lovely.My peace comes when I can say this: you are who you decide to be. You will do what you decide to do. I love you. I wish the very best in life for you. Let me hug you and lay eyes on you and wish you well. And then let you go again, to the world, to the universe, to my Higher Power (and yours). You are 25 years old and it's your life.