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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 649938" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Nicely said COM.</p><p></p><p>For me the scrutiny I put forth in my own life which presented me with my judgements and my expectations as well as my propensity to live in the past and/or the future, made a big difference not only with my daughter, but with all my relationships and in life in general. Being able to "see" another through the haze of my expectations and judgements of who they are and what I desire them to do and be, was a real eye opener. I think often reality is not what many of us are actually experiencing, we're experiencing what we want to see and/or we're denying what we see. </p><p></p><p>For me as a mother, I had a certain way I believed my daughter 'should' be, 'should' live, should 'act' and how she should treat me. The only actual power I had was in how she treated me. The rest is all hers. Letting go of my desires to have it be different than it is and letting go of my fears of what I think will happen were monumentally difficult, it was like stopping a runaway train. I had built up an illusion fostered by denial and "shoulds" and I was unhappy in it. It was a continual fight with reality, I want it to look like this and it doesn't, I want to feel this and I don't, I want someone else to change and they aren't, I don't like this reality, I want another, fertile ground for suffering, actively fighting what is. </p><p></p><p>Giving up that fight, realizing the truth of the situation, or the truth of the person, whatever that is, is liberating, the relentless fighting of reality ceases to be and for me, that is when peace began.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 649938, member: 13542"] Nicely said COM. For me the scrutiny I put forth in my own life which presented me with my judgements and my expectations as well as my propensity to live in the past and/or the future, made a big difference not only with my daughter, but with all my relationships and in life in general. Being able to "see" another through the haze of my expectations and judgements of who they are and what I desire them to do and be, was a real eye opener. I think often reality is not what many of us are actually experiencing, we're experiencing what we want to see and/or we're denying what we see. For me as a mother, I had a certain way I believed my daughter 'should' be, 'should' live, should 'act' and how she should treat me. The only actual power I had was in how she treated me. The rest is all hers. Letting go of my desires to have it be different than it is and letting go of my fears of what I think will happen were monumentally difficult, it was like stopping a runaway train. I had built up an illusion fostered by denial and "shoulds" and I was unhappy in it. It was a continual fight with reality, I want it to look like this and it doesn't, I want to feel this and I don't, I want someone else to change and they aren't, I don't like this reality, I want another, fertile ground for suffering, actively fighting what is. Giving up that fight, realizing the truth of the situation, or the truth of the person, whatever that is, is liberating, the relentless fighting of reality ceases to be and for me, that is when peace began. [/QUOTE]
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