Lucky we dont..

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by bnimble, Aug 15, 2009.

  1. bnimble

    bnimble New Member

    Wanted to check out this site and take a moment to vent. My reason for the vent is our 17yr daughter.. and heres the list..drugs(off now,only because she cant get any at the moment), Alcohol, Internet meeting with men she gives our physical address too, and tells us its somone she met from a friend.Rages when she doesnt get her way, unknown what she is capable of when she gets that bad. We have taken our 3yr and newborn (3weeks) into our bedroom at night and lock our door. We have to have our son barracade himself in his room at night as he tries to sleep. very unpredictable. she told us once that we were Lucky we Dont own a gun, she would kill everyone of us and walk out laughing. Court things pending, and the cost mounts.
    Heres some of the things we have done, No phone(we wont buy her a cell),no computer access,she cannot leave the property at this time. refuses to finish her Ged, and thinks she wont need a job and, like every other wild teen thinks everything is owed to them... but heres whats gonna happen, 6 wks she is 18! YEah! out on her backside .. CYa! I will put her out, she will probably stand in the driveway, no food, and if god is great, it will be raining. She has burned her bridges with friends and family, i wish her the best..hope she finds another just like her to spend thier wonderful jobless,homeless days together. Whew.. I feel better, thanks for reading.
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending you a huge hug of support. I'm sorry you are living with such pain and stress. Have you double checked to make sure that you can simply kick her out at 18? Many of our parents have discovered they have to officially evict their adult children in order to avoid trouble with the law. :(

    I assume your daughter has been thru evaluations, counseling, medication and every other thing you could think of to provide. It sounds as though she actually is "a danger to herself and others". Have you had her Baker acted so that her mental health could be evaluated and she would know that she can't threaten others?

    Read the other posts and you will feel less alone. I'm rooting for you. DDD
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Welcome, Bnimble. I'm sure you've seen several posts here that resemble yours.
    I feel for you.

    Have you had your daughter tested? Is she bipolar or anything? Quite often kids self medicate when they've got underlying problems, and alcohol is very convenient, not to mention it's cool.

    I'm assuming, along with-DDD, that you have taken her in for evaluations, etc.

    Good idea to keep the other kids safe.
  4. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome Benimble.

    You sound like you are at the end of your rope! I actually have some of the same questions that the other two posters had.

    What type of evaluations has your daughter had and what is her diagnosis? What types of interventions (like theraputic schools, residential programs, hospitalizations, etc.) have been tried? What medications has she been on? Is she currently in therapy?

    Sounds like she has some serious issues and your family has some serious safety concerns. I wouldn't take her threats lightly, and it sounds as if you are not. Have the police ever been called to your home? In other words, is there a trail or history of violence on her part?

    Glad you have found your way here. Many member parents have, and are, dealing with some of the same issues you are dealing with.

  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    At 18, she will have to get help herself if she wants it. To me she sounds a bit antisocial. I don't blame you for making her leave. She's too old to force into treatment and unfortunately she sounds dangerous to your other children.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I think that you need to get her out of your home. It doesn't sound like any of you are safe. PLEASE get alarms to put on your kids' bedroom doors and windows and on her door and windows. This way you may get some warning if she is trying to get to one of the kids at night. Whichever kids don't sleep with you, that is. It can also help you know if she is sneaking out. You can get some inexpensive alarms online or at walmart or radio shack.

    Call the police tomorrow or monday to see what your rights are when she turns 18. You may have to give her 30 days notice, you may be able to make her leave earlier. I believe it is New York that a parent cannot put a child out of the home until age 21. Tehy can insist on whatever rules tehy want, and that can help get a child out, but you cannot outright kick them out at 18. It is very important to start getting answers now so that you can get whatever you need into place. You owe it to your other kids to keep them safe from her.

    You may want to call the Dept of Human Services to see if they have transitional living programs for 18yos or any other services that are available. Find out what, where to apply and give difficult child a list. Don't make appts for her, it is her job.

    Make SURE she is not alone with your husband. Girls this age, esp if they think they will be tossed out, can make vicious sexual abuse allegations. NOT that I am accusing your husband - FAR from it. It is a horrible accusation that girls can use as revenge. Once the accusation is out there your husband will never recover. He will have a reputation that is damaged almost beyond repair. Be very very careful to make sure he is protected from her. I have known very good men who would never ever have done anything like that who lost careers and almost every thing he ever had. One man's wife had to get a divorce to keep their children at home! It was not one of their kids, or even a friend of one of teh kids, it was a student, and it almost cost them custody of their kids.


    Sending lots of hugs, I know this is hard.