T
toughlovin
Guest
Hi all,
The breakfast actually went much much better than I expected. We ran into each other in the parking lot before getting to the cafe we were meeting at. My difficult child gave me a nice hug which was nice given I haven't seen him in 6 months!! She is not pregnant (I didnt ask but that was not the issue). They have been kicked out of her mothers house. Of course I only heard their side of the story but her mom sounds like she has a drinking problem etc. I already had wondered about her given that she bought difficult child a plane ticket home. But I don't know the woman and I am fully aware there is probably a whole lot more to the story than I heard today.
My difficult child did not really demand anything which in and of itself is amazing. Might be because girlfriend was there but really they were pleasant and nice and trying to figure out what to do. They are staying with friends and may try to stay with other friends, they are meeting with her dad tonight. I gave them some ideas and did mention homeless shelters as an option. I did say up front they could not stay here and my son said he knew that and they were not asknig for that.
At one point he got up for coffee and girlfriend said to me that she thinks our relationship has been really bothering him. She also said it is just good to get some moral support.
I told my son I would not give them cahs but I did offer to buy them gas.... girlfriend wanted to refuse but my son accepted because they really need it and have no money.
My son feels he has not relapsed because he is not and did not use any hard drugs.... this of course is worrisome. His girlfriend looked worried about this too and I don't think she is a drug user at all. I don't think he is using now but I suspect at some point his version of sobreity (its ok to smoke pot once in a while) will lead him down that same dangerous path and things will go bad again. I don't think he is there right now though.
I actually like the girlfriend and I think she may be good for him. I have realized I have two goals. The first is to not enable him in his drug use at all, and the 2nd is to let him know we love him and support him. Sometimes these 2 goals conflict and I have to find a balance. I feel today I helped him out (with gas) but I did not try to solve the overall problem and I did not give him cash. He was nice and appreciative and it gave me some home for our relationship in the future. I think I have my eyes wide open and we will see what happens. For today it all felt good.
The breakfast actually went much much better than I expected. We ran into each other in the parking lot before getting to the cafe we were meeting at. My difficult child gave me a nice hug which was nice given I haven't seen him in 6 months!! She is not pregnant (I didnt ask but that was not the issue). They have been kicked out of her mothers house. Of course I only heard their side of the story but her mom sounds like she has a drinking problem etc. I already had wondered about her given that she bought difficult child a plane ticket home. But I don't know the woman and I am fully aware there is probably a whole lot more to the story than I heard today.
My difficult child did not really demand anything which in and of itself is amazing. Might be because girlfriend was there but really they were pleasant and nice and trying to figure out what to do. They are staying with friends and may try to stay with other friends, they are meeting with her dad tonight. I gave them some ideas and did mention homeless shelters as an option. I did say up front they could not stay here and my son said he knew that and they were not asknig for that.
At one point he got up for coffee and girlfriend said to me that she thinks our relationship has been really bothering him. She also said it is just good to get some moral support.
I told my son I would not give them cahs but I did offer to buy them gas.... girlfriend wanted to refuse but my son accepted because they really need it and have no money.
My son feels he has not relapsed because he is not and did not use any hard drugs.... this of course is worrisome. His girlfriend looked worried about this too and I don't think she is a drug user at all. I don't think he is using now but I suspect at some point his version of sobreity (its ok to smoke pot once in a while) will lead him down that same dangerous path and things will go bad again. I don't think he is there right now though.
I actually like the girlfriend and I think she may be good for him. I have realized I have two goals. The first is to not enable him in his drug use at all, and the 2nd is to let him know we love him and support him. Sometimes these 2 goals conflict and I have to find a balance. I feel today I helped him out (with gas) but I did not try to solve the overall problem and I did not give him cash. He was nice and appreciative and it gave me some home for our relationship in the future. I think I have my eyes wide open and we will see what happens. For today it all felt good.
Sounds good. I am glad it went well.
