lunch or rather breakfast...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by toughlovin, Apr 26, 2011.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Hi all,

    The breakfast actually went much much better than I expected. We ran into each other in the parking lot before getting to the cafe we were meeting at. My difficult child gave me a nice hug which was nice given I haven't seen him in 6 months!! She is not pregnant (I didnt ask but that was not the issue). They have been kicked out of her mothers house. Of course I only heard their side of the story but her mom sounds like she has a drinking problem etc. I already had wondered about her given that she bought difficult child a plane ticket home. But I don't know the woman and I am fully aware there is probably a whole lot more to the story than I heard today.
    My difficult child did not really demand anything which in and of itself is amazing. Might be because girlfriend was there but really they were pleasant and nice and trying to figure out what to do. They are staying with friends and may try to stay with other friends, they are meeting with her dad tonight. I gave them some ideas and did mention homeless shelters as an option. I did say up front they could not stay here and my son said he knew that and they were not asknig for that.
    At one point he got up for coffee and girlfriend said to me that she thinks our relationship has been really bothering him. She also said it is just good to get some moral support.
    I told my son I would not give them cahs but I did offer to buy them gas.... girlfriend wanted to refuse but my son accepted because they really need it and have no money.
    My son feels he has not relapsed because he is not and did not use any hard drugs.... this of course is worrisome. His girlfriend looked worried about this too and I don't think she is a drug user at all. I don't think he is using now but I suspect at some point his version of sobreity (its ok to smoke pot once in a while) will lead him down that same dangerous path and things will go bad again. I don't think he is there right now though.
    I actually like the girlfriend and I think she may be good for him. I have realized I have two goals. The first is to not enable him in his drug use at all, and the 2nd is to let him know we love him and support him. Sometimes these 2 goals conflict and I have to find a balance. I feel today I helped him out (with gas) but I did not try to solve the overall problem and I did not give him cash. He was nice and appreciative and it gave me some home for our relationship in the future. I think I have my eyes wide open and we will see what happens. For today it all felt good.
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    sounds very hopeful to me actually
  3. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Glad things went well!
  4. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

  5. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Sounds like a good meet, and I agree she sounds good for him. Hope he'll being willing to keep to a more straight and narrow path to keep her.
  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm glad it went so well and you have to be feeling better about things now. As much as we don't like what they are doing, it's very upsetting when communication is broken off, our imaginations can do a job on us. It sounds like this girlfriend may be a good influence on him and an incentive to stay sober. But you are right, that slippery slope they go down when they think smoking pot once in a while is not relapsing.

    You let him know that you love and support him while still maintaining your boundaries. You know I'm hoping he continues on a good path.

  7. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    :thumbsup: Sounds good. I am glad it went well.
  8. Jena

    Jena New Member

    wow it does sound good and i'm so impressed 6 mos is a long time. amazing. girlfriend does sound like she has a decent head on her shoulders.....
  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Sounds like it went really well to me too!

  10. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    So glad the day went so well. Sounds like you handled the situation really well.
    Love your goals too.

  11. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    I bet that hug felt good! So glad it went well. Our difficult children can be real PITAs, but they do love us. It's nice to see it though, isn't it?
  12. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    It sure did.... I had been wondering if he would ever come back to me...or how long it would be before he got in touch. I knew he was really angry that I tried to contat the girlfriend when he told us he was moving back here..... so it made me very happy to reconnect and to feel that connection and to know there is something there. And the girlfriend made big points with me because I he reached out because of her encouragement to do so.... and what can make a mother like a girlfriend more than to have her encourage the son to have a relationship with his mother????

    So it made me happy..... although I still have a big dose of that caution we all know so well.
  13. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    I am hoping for the same type of time tomorrow.....meeting my difficult child for pizza tomorrow evening.....

    Yours sounds very positive and sounds like he is growing up.... :)
  14. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    oooh I hope it goes well!! Let us know!