Lunch with M

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by witzend, Oct 29, 2008.

  1. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Luckily I get to post a totally bland boring post. M seems to be fine and getting along at work. He will have his 90 day review next week and he thinks that it will go well.

    We chatted about politics and the kids from his old Boy Scout Troop. He only had an hour so I chose to not get all heavy on him. I brought him back to work and we both agreed that it was a nice time, and that "it was good to talk with you." I told him that we were very boring people and home most of the time but we do eat dinner so he should call and come eat with us sometime. He said he would, that he would like that.

    He also said that he is glad that he doesn't work directly for L's dad as he has a bad temper and yells and breaks things. That must be why L's dad has his own off-site answering service.

    I did tell M that if they were thinking about having him do some QuickBooks, he should ask them to pay for him to take the online class at the community college, and if they didn't I would pay for that for him so long as he was still working there. Next term won't be until after Christmas, so we will see how that goes.

    All in all, it was nice. We'll work our way up to the serious stuff. A quick lunch wasn't the right time for it.
  2. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Witz, that sounds amazing, and it sounds as if you played it just right. I think rebuilding a relationship with a child has to be done in baby steps, a teeny-weeny bit at a time.

    Being a warrior mom isn't only going out there fighting, but being restrained (which is just as hard) and laid back. Sounds like you did good.

    Love, Esther
  3. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    Sounds like a great lunch date, Witz. I'm so glad it went well! :)
  4. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Sounds good. He is an adult, no reason to get all heavy. Just have a good time, and that sounds like what you did.
  5. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I remember the first time Rob and I shared a meal without rancor, I was jubilant! Our conversation was somewhat dull, mundane....and probably pretty darn near normal for a mother and young adult son.

    Enjoy the shallowness and lightness of these conversations. They are a blessing in the long run in restoring good feelings for one another because they are re-training you both to share times that aren't consumed with "heavy" or "anger."

  6. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I, too, am working on rebuilding slowly with my difficult child. It is not easy to keep the old instincts from coming up. It's also hard not to give him my unsolicited advice. I've had to step out of my mom/teacher role and work on learning to respect him as an adult--an adult that I may not respect all the time, but just like I wouldn't tell others that they opinions were stupid, I have to check myself with him.

    Great job Witz.
  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Glad your lunch went well!
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    :bigsmile: This smilie is me right now.

    There is no mega rush with the heavy stuff. You and M are getting to know each other on a different level. Sounds like lunch went very well for both of you and that you both enjoyed it.

    I am so happy for you both.

  9. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    Witz, so glad the lunch went well! I, too, see no reason to get into heavy stuff with him at this time or maybe even never. Just take it as it goes, you don't have to have the role of anything but mom of an adult--more friend than anything--you've earned it! Enjoy it!

  10. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Congrats on a nice lunch~Sounds like it went very well. I agree with Jane, you may never even have to get into anything 'heavy'. Just rebuilding the relationship based on the here and now and getting re-acquianted with one another will be nice.
  11. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Thanks, all. One day I would like to tell M that I hope that he will let the past go, as I am trying to do. It will make more sense once we have more of "the present" to refer to, I think.
  12. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Absolutely, you nailed it, Witz.

    It is such a very slow process. Have patience; it will pay off. I waited for two years of shallow breakfasts/lunches before I dared approach anything even remotely serious about the past.

    There's no hurry.

    I've learned that as long as I allow Rob to decide how often we see each other, the better it goes. I nudge him occasionally but it's truly only a nudge, not a battering ram. It's worth it to me to see him less often if the quality of our relationship keeps improving.

    Hang in there.

  13. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Suz. I'm glad to hear that two years isn't too long! I am so battle weary, even still.
  14. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Doesn't it feel good to be able to have a talk with your son that is just a chat, no fighting, fussing, worrying about what is going on, just a "normal" talk? Esp over a meal. It feels wonderful when Wiz and I have time like that.

    Hugs, I am happy for you.
  15. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Witz, I'm so glad to hear that your lunch with M went well. I think you struck just the right note. I agree that it will take time, lots of time. When you feel it's right, you can get into the heavy stuff. If it's never the right time, that's okay too.

    I'm very happy for you.