Lunch with mom tomorrow. Wish me luck

[Californiablonde]

My mom is insisting on taking me to lunch tomorrow plus getting me a pedicure for my birthday. We were going to do it last week but the kids' dad cancelled on me so I couldn't go. I thought she would forget about the whole thing but she's insisting on going tomorrow. Part of me really wanted to say no due to the disastrous encounter we had last time we saw each other (remember when she cried and told me she feels terrible that her granchildren aren't being taken care of properly?) The other part of me REALLY wants that pedicure! I need one badly and I really do deserve it. My goal for tomorrow is to not talk about either difficult child AT ALL. I don't want to talk about their progress in school or their fighting at home or even how much they hate their dad. I want my mind to be completely difficult child-free tomorrow. I have no idea what in the heck we're supposed to talk about the whole time we're together, but I really want my kids to be OFF limits. It's going to be tough, especially with the new school year starting. My mom is a former high school guidance counselor and is hyper involved in their schooling. To a fault, as in I've had teachers and principals in the past beg me to tell my mom to stop calling them and badgering them. That is how overly involved she is. I don't want any part of it this weekend. Do y'all think it would be rude if I tell her no difficult child talk during lunch? Cause I am seriously considering it. I just want a nice peaceful afternoon with no blaming, accusing, or arguing. Is that too much to ask?

 

[TeDo]

Personally, I would wait to see if she brings it up (which you KNOW she will) and then politely tell her that you don't want to talk about the kids with her. If she continues to "get on your case" like she usually does, tell her you want to go home (pedicure or not) so she knows you're serious. If she listens to you and backs off, make sure to tell her thanks when the outing is over. It IS going to be tough but if you're not firm and stand your ground like I had to, it will never end.

GOOD LUCK!!!

 

[InsaneCdn]

If you want to soften it a wee tad... leverage the fact that it's your birthday, and that you really don't want to discuss this stuff on YOUR BIRTHDAY.

Next time, you can use a different reason... but at least it should increase the chances of her allowing you one extra birthday present tomorrow.

 

[busywend]

I think it is perfectly fine to state no kid talk. Ask her about places she has been or wants to go and then share your dreams of vacation destinations.

 

[Californiablonde]

Oh yeah, and then there's the condition of my house. I do a thourough cleaning once a week on Saturday afternoons. By the time Saturday morning rolls around each week, my house is a disaster. NOw is no exeption. I could get up extra early and clean it tomorrow before she comes, or I can sleep in and do it after. I really wanna sleep in but I don't want to hear her complaining about how bad my house looks so I guess I'll get up early and do it..sigh.

 

[TeDo]

Been there and heard that too. I finally told my mom that if she doesn't like the state of MY house, she is welcome to clean it for me, especially since she has so much free time now that she's retired. It is YOUR house and don't have to keep it up to HER expectations. I think your mom HAS to be my mom's twin. After listening to her gripe about everything I do for the last 40 years, I finally had enough. My life is MUCH more peaceful now that I don't have to "please" her anymore.

 

[Californiablonde]

Well I came home from work and did a very half *** job of cleaning today. Cleaned most of it so at least it looks decent. It's been 100 degrees I wasn't in the mood to do it all. Oh well, maybe one day I'll stop caring so much what she thinks. Maybe someday.

 

[Liahona]

Good luck. I'm still trying to not care what my mom thinks. I have gotten much better about not talking about the kids with her though.

Kind of funny story: We have a great autism specialist that comes to our house once a month. My mom didn't want me to let her come anymore because she was worried that the specialist would call cps on me to tell them about my messy house. Mom voiced this worry in front of a lot of family members. Autism specialist understands (much better than my mom) that parents of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids often have messy houses. She is just thrilled with the kids progress weather my house is clean or dirty. I still don't super clean the house before my mom comes (mother in law is a different story.)

 

[DDD]

by the way......Happy Birthday. DDD

 

[Californiablonde]

Well the day was good. As far as my house being clean, she didn't even come in. She parked outside and called me to come out. We talked about difficult children a little bit. It was all positive though so that's good. She was a little hurt that I didn't tell her about speaking with difficult child 2's teachers and what they said about him. I apologized and she got over it. The rest of the day was spent talking about my boyfriend and I, the yucky weather, and just random stuff. All in all it was a good day, and I really did appreciate the pedicure. It's something I never splurge on for myself so it was a lovely treat.