Lying for no gain.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Shari, May 19, 2008.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    easy child 1 has a bottle baby pet. It lives on our back porch.

    difficult child 2 has been fighting a very bad cold, and I have it, too, so we both stayed home today.

    easy child 1 just got off work and stopped by to feed the baby. difficult child 2 told him he already fed it.

    Absolute, utter lie. I can see no gain from this or logical consequence for this.

  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Beats me. My difficult child does this all the time. It's either laziness or a power kick/control thing. Or both.
    I usually just make him feed the animals again. Then, if they poop more because they've been fed more, he had to take them out more. Seems like a logical consequence to me.
    Wish I could be of more help.
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    If I am reading this correctly, little difficult child told his older brother that HE had already fed the pet which meant that the poor little thing would end up not getting fed that evening...right? ( I really am not sure what a bottle baby pet is but Im assuming its a baby goat or something like

    If I have the scenario correct then ya know what...I might be tempted to tell little difficult child that I "thought" I had already fed him dinner that night so he didnt need any dinner. Act like you were washing up the dishes and all that. If he starts going on about how he hasnt eaten and how he is hungry...then say something about how the baby hadnt eaten either and when he told his brother that he had fed the baby it would have wondered why it wasnt getting its dinner too.
  4. MyFriendKita

    MyFriendKita Member

    Could he be jealous of the pet or easy child 1? In other words, maybe he either wanted all of easy child 1's attention, or wanted the pet all to himself? My son was kind of like this with our dog when he was younger. He got mad if the dog laid by me or husband.
  5. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Does difficult child 2 adore his older brother? If so, he may be trying to get older brother think he is grown up to feed the bottle baby (a calf by any chance)? Maybe have older brother sit down and talk to him, "Why did you tell me you feed the baby? Do you know what would happen if I didn't feed him/her because you said you did even though you didn't? That would hurt my feelings very much. I am counting on you to make sure I feed the baby. You can keep track of how many times each day I do so."

    If it is about getting attention from big brother, difficult child 2 will be more open to hearing from brother than you.
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Well, I LOL at Janet's response--that would be my gut reaction!
    But, being the adult mentor and all I have to admit that Adrianne's is the more educational Way To Go.
  7. change

    change New Member

    Both my children lie/lied CONSTANTLY. I don't understand it at all. We call them "lazy lies" when they are about stuff like this. Sorry you are dealing with it too. We've yet to find a solution after 8 years of it. We've tried rewards, consequences, planned ignoring of the lie, etc. No luck.
  8. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I think he maybe doesn't get it that animals get hungry the way that people do, and he wanted to do something nice for easy child 1 because he hasn't been feeling well. It seems to me like these kids believe their lies so easily. He expected you to believe him as well and to admire his good deed. Even though it didn't go beyond intention. :(
  9. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Janet, if he were a easy child, that's exactly what I'd do. lol

    Problem is, difficult child doesn't "get" that the animal feeling hungry as a result of his action is the same as him feeling hungry, then all he seems to understand is that we're mean and won't feed him, and that gets us no where. When I was little, I sometimes told stories to get attention. These guys' bio dad lies like a cur dog on a hot summer day, and 3/4 of the time, I think the man believes them. difficult child 1 lied all the time about every little thing, but mostly to attempt to save his skin. difficult child 2 just seems to tell lies for no apparent reason lately. Drives me crazy.

    By the way, the baby is of a ring-tailed, bandit variety. easy child 1 found its mama had been killed and finally found the nest of babies. This was the last one left, so he has "rescued" it. I think my family literally suffers from animal magnetism...animals seem to come to us like dirt to a hoover...
  10. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Both K and N have started fibbing... since starting school... N's big one is "I didn't do it", she started the lying first!!! She is the more deceitful one of the 2... I don't know how to get it through to her, that it is not ok. That I would not get mad if she would just not make up stories...
  11. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Funny thing, Toto, he feels some remorse at times just for the act. He has had crying fits in the car on the way home because he told the kids at school that he played tball - none of those kids were there, he could have never told me and I wouldn't have been the wiser, but he felt bad about it, and sometimes does, and confessed...then days like today, when he's way off kilter, he seems like even being able to understand that the baby is hungry is a huge stretch for him.

    I just wish the "experts" could live with him for a while. Cause I don't *get* him.
  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Shari...try to explain as much as you can that animals get hungry just like people do because we all have tummy's, arms, and legs and heads. Make them seem as close to human as you can. Ask him if he has seen his doggy eagerly wolf down his dog food after playing all day? Im sure he will say yes. Ask him about the horses and their food...again a yes Im sure. Say ...see there...those animals got very hungry playing all day just like you get hungry playing all day. All Gods creatures need food to help them grow and survive and live a healthy life. Word it your way.

    Dont get mad at him but just use it as a teaching moment to help him learn a bit of empathy for other things and maybe as a way of helping his big brother.
  13. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    No mad here. Brother was kinda hot cause he took difficult child's word for it, but nothing was said.

    Another kicker...he's so good about taking care of his pets. He feeds his turtles and his fish. I usually do the horse, just because I'm there doing the rest of the barn chores, but he'll readily do it...I have to give him extra dog food when he takes his dog to the kennel when we leave for work cause he feeds the cat, goat, and chickens on the way...LOL gotta make sure he has enuf for the dog when he gets there...

    I dunno. God love him, but I'm not sure I can do another 12 years of a difficult child. Oh yeah, I lost that option a while back, didn't I? lol
  14. Sara PA

    Sara PA New Member

    Five year olds are still young enough to say what they want to be the truth as the truth. Remember, they're still learning language. The concepts of truth and lies are still being worked out. They are rather abstract, if you think about it.
  15. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Thanks. In a lot of ways, difficult child is around 3-4 yrs of age, so this actually might make a little sense of it.
  16. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    That article IS N... I needed that. I can see her in that in so many ways. Her Classic line, reaction is, "It wasn't me"... I think with the turmoil going on in our house at times and N's own anxiety and sensory issues she wants to please us...
    Makes sense, plus she can be a little brat!!! LOL
    Thanks Sara
  17. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    I am still trying to figure out why difficult child 1 has always lied about things that wouldn't even make a difference. I get why she lies about things that she is afraid she will be in trouble for or someone will get mad about. I have never understood why she lies about something she could just as easily tell the truth about.
  18. Our difficult child lies frequently. Because he is an adolescent, I have assumed that it is part of his rebellion and need for independence. Many times we can't discern the reason for the lie, it really makes no sense at all.

    Oddly enough, on the one hand - given his diagnosis of Asperger's I have felt that the lying is a weird sign of health. Most of the literature says Aspies don't lie.

    I try to keep it in perspective, but I really hate lies. I feel like they destroy trust , which I believe is the cornerstone of relationships. I know I can't trust difficult child, and I haven't for years. husband seems to be able to deal with this much better than I can.

    This parenting job really makes us all dig deep, doesn't it?
  19. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry you are dealing with this. At age 5 it is pretty normal behavior. Even pcs do it. It is more an age/developmental thing. use his lies as times to teach him things.

    As good as heis with the animals, it won't take very long to teach him that it hurts them to go hungry.