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Lying Stealing Adult Child 2
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 634768" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there, ACE. Sorry you had to join us.</p><p></p><p>If it were me, she would not be living at home. No way. Nor would I pay her bills, especially non-essentials like a cell phone. Like Cedar said, she needs to grow up and part of our parenting an adult child is to force it. Some adult children would be our little girls and boys forever and want a "mommy." That is unhealthy for us and for them.</p><p></p><p>I would definitely not want her ruining your good marriage!</p><p></p><p>Rather than trying to get her to change, you can talk to her once and set a time limit. If she isn't doing all the things you asked by, say, three months or seven months or a year, she has to leave, and you can hand her all the resources in your community so s he knows where to go for food, housing, etc.</p><p></p><p>It is never easy to let an adult child go, knowing they may be homeless, but it isn't good to destroy our own lives for them either. It doesn't help them and it ruins our life. If she is abusing any substances, and she probably is, you can't force her to stop. She has to want to stop and to seek help. You will know if she is truly ready. She is unlikely to confess everything she is doing to you and your husband.Remember, we only have control over ourselves. We have no control over others, even our own adult children. In fact, we have 0% control over them, but we have 100% control over us and how we react to them when they are not doing the right things. We don't have to enable it or empower it. We can force their hands. Or we can be 80 years old still being a mommy to a 60 year old child and have no life at all. There are people who choose the latter, but most here have not. Most of us want to live happy lives, even if one of our adult children refuse to live a good life.</p><p></p><p>Have you gone to therapy?</p><p></p><p>Hugs for your hurting mommy heart.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 634768, member: 1550"] Hi there, ACE. Sorry you had to join us. If it were me, she would not be living at home. No way. Nor would I pay her bills, especially non-essentials like a cell phone. Like Cedar said, she needs to grow up and part of our parenting an adult child is to force it. Some adult children would be our little girls and boys forever and want a "mommy." That is unhealthy for us and for them. I would definitely not want her ruining your good marriage! Rather than trying to get her to change, you can talk to her once and set a time limit. If she isn't doing all the things you asked by, say, three months or seven months or a year, she has to leave, and you can hand her all the resources in your community so s he knows where to go for food, housing, etc. It is never easy to let an adult child go, knowing they may be homeless, but it isn't good to destroy our own lives for them either. It doesn't help them and it ruins our life. If she is abusing any substances, and she probably is, you can't force her to stop. She has to want to stop and to seek help. You will know if she is truly ready. She is unlikely to confess everything she is doing to you and your husband.Remember, we only have control over ourselves. We have no control over others, even our own adult children. In fact, we have 0% control over them, but we have 100% control over us and how we react to them when they are not doing the right things. We don't have to enable it or empower it. We can force their hands. Or we can be 80 years old still being a mommy to a 60 year old child and have no life at all. There are people who choose the latter, but most here have not. Most of us want to live happy lives, even if one of our adult children refuse to live a good life. Have you gone to therapy? Hugs for your hurting mommy heart. [/QUOTE]
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