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Lying, stealing and drug abuse in adult son
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<blockquote data-quote="MissLulu" data-source="post: 760860" data-attributes="member: 24721"><p>Hi Survivor Mom,</p><p>Just wanted to add my voice of support. I have an almost 26 year old son, who seems to be doing okay at the moment, but I never take that for granted. We've been through hell with him and even in good phases I'm always wary. I don't know if I'll ever trust that he is "okay". (Not that I let him see that!) </p><p></p><p>I don't know that I have any specific advice, because most of the time I feel like I am a massive failure as a parent. I do know that most of the "help" we gave him didn't actually help. When we were at the end of our rope we gave him a deadline to move out and we stuck to it. </p><p></p><p>To be honest, I found backing away completely very hard. We overcame this by helping him find somewhere to live. He actually rents a home we own, but he rents through an agent and we have nothing to do with it. If he doesn't pay his rent he'll be evicted, just like any other tenant. He has a steady job (going on 3 years now) and a nice girlfriend, but as for the drug use and associated misbehaviour - I honestly don't know if he's on top of that or not. At least it is not in my house. I needed him to leave because we have other kids and I felt like his presence in the house was detrimental to them. Our middle son is away a t university now and the youngest finishes high school in December (we're in Australia). Once my youngest is done, my husband and I are moving to a country town across the state. I feel like I need to put some distance between my eldest and myself. That probably sounds like a cop out (and maybe it is) but I feel like I need a break from him. </p><p></p><p>I think you are very wise to give your son the ultimatum you have. He's not a child anymore and you have every right to expect peace in your house.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting here - it helps!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MissLulu, post: 760860, member: 24721"] Hi Survivor Mom, Just wanted to add my voice of support. I have an almost 26 year old son, who seems to be doing okay at the moment, but I never take that for granted. We've been through hell with him and even in good phases I'm always wary. I don't know if I'll ever trust that he is "okay". (Not that I let him see that!) I don't know that I have any specific advice, because most of the time I feel like I am a massive failure as a parent. I do know that most of the "help" we gave him didn't actually help. When we were at the end of our rope we gave him a deadline to move out and we stuck to it. To be honest, I found backing away completely very hard. We overcame this by helping him find somewhere to live. He actually rents a home we own, but he rents through an agent and we have nothing to do with it. If he doesn't pay his rent he'll be evicted, just like any other tenant. He has a steady job (going on 3 years now) and a nice girlfriend, but as for the drug use and associated misbehaviour - I honestly don't know if he's on top of that or not. At least it is not in my house. I needed him to leave because we have other kids and I felt like his presence in the house was detrimental to them. Our middle son is away a t university now and the youngest finishes high school in December (we're in Australia). Once my youngest is done, my husband and I are moving to a country town across the state. I feel like I need to put some distance between my eldest and myself. That probably sounds like a cop out (and maybe it is) but I feel like I need a break from him. I think you are very wise to give your son the ultimatum you have. He's not a child anymore and you have every right to expect peace in your house. Keep posting here - it helps! [/QUOTE]
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Lying, stealing and drug abuse in adult son
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