Anyone ever feel this way. things are not going well relationship wise. I didn't go home last weekend after work. stayed at a hotel. Would of driven 200 miles and stayed with my sister for my four days off, but weather was too bad. So, after two days I went home. I am angry. husband and I fight. difficult child is near by. Say things we shouldn't. Many things. Finally Monday morning in MY meltdown, difficult child said, "just get a divorce then". I was having a major meltdown with difficult child. Don't know why him. He went to school crying, I told him no more school calls, I will not answer them. I did ask him what he wanted, and he wanted me to stay. Friday I had 9 emails from teachers. Not including electives. So that leaves 4 teachers. Then, after working all night, when everyone else is sleeping, I run errands, pay bills, get home and there is a message from 8:50 am from difficult child. Come get me. 13 minutes after school started. I call, they said the phone log said sick. (this is now over 6 hours later) They call him down and he starts yelling at me. Then, 3 calls from principal. Progress reports showed difficult child did not turn in a single assignment for any class the entire week. This was the beginning of the fight. I told husband, no computer until homework is attended to. i go to bed. I get up for work, difficult child is playing games on computer. I look at husband he says, Oh..you have to tell him. WHY ME? Why am I the bad person. Why do I take the emails and phone calls? Why do I have to get on him for homework. Because, husband doesn't know how to logon to a computer, cannot take phone calls at work. So, after my meltdown weekend. I start thinking of difficult child. He skipped a grade because he was a class clown, was testted, and school and us decided we wanted to challenge him more. fifth grade I lost my job of 16 years, and husband's business was bought out. difficult child thought we would be homeless. Severe anxiety began. Teacher embarrassed him by making comments about our finacial situation. difficult child began to be very outspoken. Stress on marriage when you can't eat. easy child had to quit school. difficult child continued to worry, and moods began to rapidly change. So, after months of issues at school, we take him to psychiatrist. (we meaning myself and couselor from school). husband has yet to meet the man. Then comes middle school. A ten year old trying to fit in. Then I work second shift and see him maybe one day a week. Then I switch to my current position, nights. Closer to home, 3 days on 4 days off rotating. Financial situation getting better. difficult child no longer on mood stabalizer. Put him on ADHD instead to help concentrate, less figity. Now, school calls with concerns over difficult child's "severe facial tics". I quit giving it to him. After 4 or 5 days since I left, he hasn't had it. noticably less tics. He wants to take the medication. I am feeling so guilty. Is all of his problems because of me?? did I medicate when it was me in the first place? I am so sad. Not for me. for my son. he will be 13 in two days. And I have been the cause of his entire life's problems. I wish there was a way he could know just how much I hurt, how much I love him, and how much I want for him. So sorry. Now that I have it out, I will begin to feel better. AFter all, I am going to have a new teenager. Thanks for listening.