Major meltdown at the hospital

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by bran155, Jul 8, 2008.

  1. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    The social worker and I went to see my daughter today. She was under the impression that she was to be discharged today. Her own assumption. They tell her they will talk about it and she hears that she is leaving. You all know how that goes I'm sure. Anyway, not only did she find out that she is not being discharged today or anytime this week, she was informed today by the social worker what the plan is when she is discharged. The sw told her that they are looking into a new residential program for her, well my poor daughter went crazy, screaming, crying, kicking the table and chairs. She went off on me of course, cursing at me and saying she hated me and that I ruined her life, yada, yada, yada. You all can imagine the rest, right?

    I was absolutely terrified this morning, I felt like I was going to be sick all morning, my nerves were (and still are) shot. It breaks my heart to see her that way. Even though I know this is what needs to be done to help her, it still hurts like hell!!! I do, however feel a sense of relief, now she knows what will be happening. I felt it was better not to say anything about her going back into residential for fear she will run away. The sw felt that we needed to include her in her treatment plan so as to not blind side her. She needs to have a trust between her and the sw as well as her and I. I do get that, but knowing her the way I do, I still feel she will try to run. I guess the worst part is over, she will have some time to adjust to the idea of her living outside my home again. I can't say that this part ever gets any easier. I am learning to detach and live my own life but breaking the bad news always stinks!!! My heart still breaks when I see her unwrapped like that, I want so much to love the demons away for her. I dont know if I will ever become complacent with this life. I am still so angry that this all is even happening to us!!!!! Woe is me. :( How pathetic, I know.

    Thanks for listening, I will keep you all posted.
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry she had a total meltdown, but the hospital is the place to have it. It would probably have been worse if she had done this meltdown at home where there isn't staff to help keep everyone safe.

    The meltdown also gives the hospital justification to keep her inpatient. They have to have a reason to keep her, and it has to be her behavior. Meltdowns mean they can keep her longer, hopefully until the residential program opens up.

    I know it breaks your heart. I am sending a basket of gentle hugs for your hurting mommy heart!

  3. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Just keep telling yourself that she is getting help - one day will be different. Can you imagine how she would be if you did not have this support (hospital, Residential Treatment Center (RTC), ect.)?

    I can imagine that being 17 she has the same dreams of other 17 year olds. She is seeing kids her age leaving home to start their own lives and is angry that she is unable to follow that path right now.

    Stay strong, you are doing the right thing. Make sure the SW hears your concerns - you are right, you know her well and even though we all know no one goes by the same book, sometimes SW's and others have only a text book plan to go by. It is up to you to tweak that text book plan to best meet your daughter's needs.

    Have you asked about your involvement once she turns 18? You may need to have guardianship at that point in order to stay involved? Ask the SW what your rights will be once she turns 18 and will then be an adult.
  4. Hugs to you. I know this is very hard on your mom heart. Thankfully you have help for her and hopefully they will be able to keep her inpatient until the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) opens up.

  5. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I just want you to know I am thinking of you.
    I had so many personal feelings and flashbacks regarding your post I do not feel balanced enough to offer any suggestions.

    However, I am SO, so, sorry you are going through this, and that difficult child is going through this.
    Please know you have my support, this board's support - and difficult child and you are in my prayers.
  6. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    No, hon, not pathetic in the slightest. I don't think placing our kids ever gets easier. Each time is just a fresh reminder of how much help our kids need.

    I'm really sorry you and she had to go through the meltdown. I understand your wanting to wait to tell her, especially if she will be returning home prior to placement. I also understand SW's point of view. We've done it both ways, warning and not. Neither way was easier or more peaceful for anyone. Yes, at 17 you'd hope she could be a participating member of the treatment team - the thing that has always bothered me about that philosophy is that my kid doesn't think he needs "treatment". It's a rock and a hard place.

    A gentle hug for you - gosh, I'm so right there with you, wishing we could love them to wellness, you know? Every once in a blue moon I'm allowed to really hug thank you, a deep motherly love, and he melts and we talk and I get a glimpse of my son. I want so badly to just hold on to him.

    Hang in there.
  7. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Bran, it's not easy. But the SW is right, your daughter needs to know and not have it all come as a huge surprise. Look at today - she thought she was coming home and SUDDENLY found out she wasn't. OK, she may have been told before, but it clearly didn't sink in; also, I've learned to never automatically disbelieve my kids in what they say they were told or not told - you may not be the only one afraid to make sure she knows where she stands.

    The thing is, if she's going to run then it's best she does it while still in the hospital setting. That way, it's THEIR problem. It also means you're going to be believed.

    And do not take on board any of the "you messed up my life" - she has choices too, and she has to learn to stop dumping blame on other people, so she can step up to the plate herself and take some personal responsibility. Only when she does that, can she begin to find her way out of this mess.

    This is good stuff. Things are happening for her and for you, that should work towards this goal.

    I would be far more concerned if they had sent her home to you, while she is still in this head space and likely to do the same things all over again.

  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry. Watching a meltdown like that has to hurt. Do not take on the guilt though-you know you are doing the right thing even if it isn't easy. Sending the gentlest of hugs your way.
  9. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    To say (or type) the words "Thank You" just does not fully express the gratitude I hold in my heart for all of you. It truly brings me to tears to read your responses, I really feel as though we connect on a personal level. Even though we have never actually met one another in person, we really do form a bond that brightens up our dreary lives. Hearing from all of you gives me the strength to fight through another day. So, for lack of a better, stronger term, THANK YOU!!! God bless. :)
  10. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Bran, I'm late to the thread, but want to add my hugs. I agree that the best place for her meltdowns is the hospital. Hope the sw continues to be helpful.
  11. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    oh sweetie I am so sorry, at least they are seeing her in action.