Males have more problems as adults or do we hide the females?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by SomewhereOutThere, Dec 22, 2016.

  1. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    This question always interested me as this board always features far more difficult boys than girls. I had one very difficult girl but she grew up early.

    I had always wanted boys only. I thought they were easier haha. I don't anymore. I think some girls may be whiney teens and of course some girls do have problems similar to our difficult son's, but I think there are more difficult males than females. Maybe people are just more rmbarassed when it's a female although I don't see why.

    I have a lifelong difficult 39 year old and Gone Boy up and left is. Sonic is an angel child, but my only boy who is. Jumper and princess and granddaughter are sweeter than sweet and living in a way that my older boys never were plus we can do girl things together and have fun.

    Just musing on the gender gap this morning, if there is one. Maybe it's just the fact that in many families boys grow up without dad and need the consistent male role model? I don't have answers, only questions. As adults, my girls (and Sonic) have been amazing and fun

    Not the case with 39 and Gone Boy, who left when he found himself a honey who didn't want to share him. He was compliant in this. Even if 39 were nice, we have nothing in common. I don't like He has no interest in anything else.
  2. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    I have always laughed when people say boys are easier than girls because that was so not my experience. My daughter is easy and we have a much much easier relationship and she is doing great. There are some interesting books out there on boys.... and I think basically they are saying all the work on equalizing things for girls worked but they did not deal with boys issues. So now girls in general do better in school, do better in college.... girls are advancing and boys are not. I think schools changed to work better for girls but did not make similar changes to work better for those boys who do not fit into the mold well. I certainly found this to be true for my son. So I think in general boys are doing worse.... and then I think boys in general (and this is a huge generalization) take to do riskier things that girls. Of course that is changing some too so that girls are taking more risks.

    I do think though that having a girl with serious problems can be even scarier than having a boy. I was beside myself when my son was on the streets but I would have been even more worried if he was a girl.
  3. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Having only one child I can't say if girls are easier. But I know this is true for me. I said just the other day when I was talking about him quitting his job, moving to Colorado with no money and no plan, sleeping outside in the cold, etc. and the other person said, "You must be beside yourself!" My response was, "I worry. But at least he's a male. If he were a girl I'd be losing my freaking mind!" I know that is sexist...but I worry about my son freezing to death or getting robbed and beaten up or getting into something illegal. I don't worry about him being raped and murdered, though of course that's possible.
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  4. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Exactly. I did worry a lot about my son dying.... I kept imagining him lying in a gutter somewhere. But I also know that he will and can defend himself. He will fight back if he needs to. I just think girls are much more vulnerable physically and so it is even scarier.
  5. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I would worry about both.

    It seems girls can find some boyfriend, although scary and don't tend to live on the streets. At the homeless shelter I volunteered at it was 95% male, if not more. Troubled adult girls tend to be very mean and often have Borderline (BPD). Or it seems. Of course troubled girls can and usually do have children with horrible fathers,often more than one man.

    But ai do think, In general, females are doing better in life these days. My girls, especially Jumper, are so responsible and kind. When oldest daughter got pregnant (it was planned..she has been with one man 12 years, I was secretly hoping for a girl and was happy she was and is one.

    I don't see my oldest son ever-changing. At least he has a good job because he could never live with me. He can be mean and is so argumentative and immature in how he thinks!
  6. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I think there is more to it than gender... And I also think we don't "believe" that the female of the species can have anything wrong. For YEARS I heard that ADHD was ONLY a male diagnosis. Women are supposed to suck it up and carry on. "Close your eyes and think of England" comes to mind. And, well, women were for many years seen as mentally inferior, so anything that happened was just typical female weakness.

    With gender equality, though, comes the realization that, if the genders are equal, then so are the problems.

    FWIW, I knew Belle would survive. I'm still wondering about Pat.
  7. A dad

    A dad Active Member

    Well lets be fair in your examples only one is difficult for others and even him not overly so.
  8. JaneBetty

    JaneBetty Active Member

    There do seem to be more posts about wayward males than females on this forum, don't know if that correlates with any studies.

    Somewhere, I think you're onto something when you say that females manage to find boyfriends who can maybe tolerate a wider range of behavior, perhaps.

    How many of us know of couples where the husband or male is easier to deal with or more likeable than the wife or female of the two? That's a pretty general and sexist comment perhaps, but maybe some truth?
  9. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I think difficult young women have more options for it seems like more people are willing to "rescue" them and give them a p,ace to live. I know most of those arrangements tend to have some types of strings attached...

    But overall, homeless women might fare a bit better...

  10. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I'd love to see the stats too.

    I wonder of the boys in trouble how many were raised away from a father. My son saw a divorce. I think young men need fathers of good character to learn from and young women need their mothers.

    Having said that, it doesn't always work. We can do everything text book and still see our adult kids struggle.

    I do feel a good amount of it is genetic. My son is so much like the grandfather that he barely saw that it is frightening.
  11. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    A friend mentioned this to me long ago: she said "have you noticed that, when two women are friends, they introduce their spouses and the four of them become friends the vast majority of the time.

    However, when two men are friends, and they introduce their spouses, the couples have a much lower rate of the four of them becoming friends and hanging out long-term".
  12. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    I have read on the addiction side of things it is much more male prevalent. There are less female sobriety homes too...though it tends to be tougher on females, they get left with kids...basically responsibility and don't get appropriate help.

    I don't know about fatherless...our son had a steady dad. I've never had one...I was told I would never have a stable relationship! Ha!

    Sad to see our kid struggle...even if it's positive struggles...
  13. PiscesMom

    PiscesMom Active Member

    This question got me thinking - so I googled - this is an old study, but certainly feels true! Women more likely to have anxiety or depression; men more likely to have antisocial or substance abuse issues.

    Definitely true in my family, save for depression, which we all get. :/
  14. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Depression is treatable. Not antisocial personality disorder.
    The men seem to get hit more often and with severe problems. Some women do have serious problems too. I didn't mean at all that they dont.
  15. PiscesMom

    PiscesMom Active Member

    yes - actually my son doesn't have ASP, but does have a history make choices that don't respect the rights of others sometimes. (better now) I mean - I have never called the cops on my girls.
  16. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    My son is narcissistic. My daughter's and my youngest son are always kind, caring and loving. They never ever go off on me and sweat, lose it or call me names or ask for things. I mean never. This may be hard for those who have no typical adult kids to imagine.

    They follow society's rules. Not my oldest son
  17. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    I have also read that men are often misdiagnosed as antisocial personality disorder when they actually have borderline personality disorder!
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  18. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Could be. Both are cluster b and lack empathy.
  19. PiscesMom

    PiscesMom Active Member

    I was confused! I thought ASP was just bad behavior, all of them, a catch-all. I looked it up - I guess it is the new term for sociopathy?
  20. Maisy

    Maisy Member

    I do believe that boys struggle more than girls. Having worked in special education many years, boys always outnumbered girls. I also believe schools are set up to teach to girls' temperaments. Plus the teachers are predominantly women with a woman's temperament.