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Family of Origin
Malignant Narcissism
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 674975" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I am thinking IC is right. It isn't so much that most of us are foolish as it is that we believe everyone is like us. Even if we believe ourselves to have seen something out of place, we of course give the benefit of the doubt. I had posted that my sister was able to elicit money from the passenger beside her on a four hour airplane ride. She has accomplished other truly extraordinary things, too. It has to do with confidence and assessing the ~ I don't know. The other person's emotional makeup, maybe. My sister is funny and really bright, and she is very attractive, too. That is part of it, but there is a willingness to...sort of a feeling of entitlement.</p><p></p><p>I don't know.</p><p></p><p>It must be that there is a fine line, or a continuum maybe, between healthy narcissism, where we think well of ourselves and everyone else too, and unhealthy to downright malignant narcissism. In one of the things I read this morning, the consensus was that we need to really get it that we are not going to change our people that we love who behave this way. There are very few people they do not hurt. The movie Ordinary People was cited. The mother in that movie (played by Mary Tyler Moore) was a malignant narcissist. The best thing for us to do if we recognize that we are being victimized repeatedly by someone, and we begin to wonder whether this could be our situation, is exactly as Serenity had recommended: Total cut off. No cheating; no checking their Facebook or making ourselves vulnerable to them in any way. If there are people who behave like this in our families, we will become healthier the longer we are away from them, and we will become sad and confused and unclear about ourselves again if we see them or have anything at all to do with them.</p><p></p><p>It was suggested that for our own sakes, we learn to hold them away from us with compassion. Their internal realities are frightening in ways we cannot understand. So, that would be where the quote about praying for their peace and therein finding our own can be helpful to us.</p><p></p><p>I am thinking that is because it is easy to love someone we call our mother or sister or brother. FOO Chronicles is about recovering from loving those who hurt us, if you think about it.</p><p></p><p>We must have been very strong to survive it. We will have been left with trust issues, and with perfectionism ~ less to make ourselves perfect than to protect ourselves from the malignant mother, who will have taught us not that we all make mistakes, but that we are incapable of not making mistakes. That will be a dynamic for us, I think. We will not be able to believe we are able to succeed at anything that matters to us. That will have happened, I think. Our locus of control with be external, and not internal. </p><p></p><p>I am supposed to be baking, you guys.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 674975, member: 17461"] I am thinking IC is right. It isn't so much that most of us are foolish as it is that we believe everyone is like us. Even if we believe ourselves to have seen something out of place, we of course give the benefit of the doubt. I had posted that my sister was able to elicit money from the passenger beside her on a four hour airplane ride. She has accomplished other truly extraordinary things, too. It has to do with confidence and assessing the ~ I don't know. The other person's emotional makeup, maybe. My sister is funny and really bright, and she is very attractive, too. That is part of it, but there is a willingness to...sort of a feeling of entitlement. I don't know. It must be that there is a fine line, or a continuum maybe, between healthy narcissism, where we think well of ourselves and everyone else too, and unhealthy to downright malignant narcissism. In one of the things I read this morning, the consensus was that we need to really get it that we are not going to change our people that we love who behave this way. There are very few people they do not hurt. The movie Ordinary People was cited. The mother in that movie (played by Mary Tyler Moore) was a malignant narcissist. The best thing for us to do if we recognize that we are being victimized repeatedly by someone, and we begin to wonder whether this could be our situation, is exactly as Serenity had recommended: Total cut off. No cheating; no checking their Facebook or making ourselves vulnerable to them in any way. If there are people who behave like this in our families, we will become healthier the longer we are away from them, and we will become sad and confused and unclear about ourselves again if we see them or have anything at all to do with them. It was suggested that for our own sakes, we learn to hold them away from us with compassion. Their internal realities are frightening in ways we cannot understand. So, that would be where the quote about praying for their peace and therein finding our own can be helpful to us. I am thinking that is because it is easy to love someone we call our mother or sister or brother. FOO Chronicles is about recovering from loving those who hurt us, if you think about it. We must have been very strong to survive it. We will have been left with trust issues, and with perfectionism ~ less to make ourselves perfect than to protect ourselves from the malignant mother, who will have taught us not that we all make mistakes, but that we are incapable of not making mistakes. That will be a dynamic for us, I think. We will not be able to believe we are able to succeed at anything that matters to us. That will have happened, I think. Our locus of control with be external, and not internal. I am supposed to be baking, you guys. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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