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Failure to Thrive
Manchild problems the saga continues
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 705037" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi, hon. I'm sorry about all that happened. Unfortunately the worry of living with and thinking constantly about them CAN kill us. And our getting sick over their plight in no way makes them more functional so what is the point? By the way, block son from your phone. Just do it. It will calm you down.</p><p></p><p>I am a big fan of living Fantastic older years. We earned it. Our adult children are not going to listen to what we say. They know what we want them to do but they are no longer ten years old and do not have that child's desire to please us anymore. Most will give up a warm home with us in order to do what they like. Homelessness is better than listening to us.</p><p></p><p>We have NO power to influence them. None. They change when they want to change and not due to our pleas or our disappointment.</p><p></p><p>We are all adults here. They do what they want and to be healthy and happy we have to let go of their outcome and start living for us, not anyone else. Sometimes like you we get to see how the stress affects us.</p><p></p><p>Very sadly it is rare for the types of adult children we have to express worry over us, like we do over them is it worth it when our despair wont help?</p><p></p><p>I suggest therapy if you need it to get over the constant worry over an adult child. Al Anon is also very good. We must do this for ourselves or else we don't function. And this doesnt help our grown children function so it's lose/lose.</p><p></p><p>Every one of us can change how we cope with our adult children. We do not have to suffer.</p><p></p><p>Yes, we love them and remember kinder days. Yes, we are connected. But we can't change them and we are separate people and o it is not healthy for them or us to cling beyond a certain age...20? Helicopter parenting a grown kid is a recipe for failure and disaster.</p><p></p><p>It is never a smart or healthy idea to try to hover over another person. They run from it.</p><p></p><p>We often neglect our other loved ones for them. Marriages implode and adult kids who are doing well are neglected. We live in a toxic bubble dancing with our toxic adult child.</p><p></p><p>I hope you can do what is necessary. Hopefully less stress will help your husband</p><p>Your son has no right to make anyone sick.</p><p></p><p>Big hugs and well wishes. Enjoy Christmas <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 705037, member: 1550"] Hi, hon. I'm sorry about all that happened. Unfortunately the worry of living with and thinking constantly about them CAN kill us. And our getting sick over their plight in no way makes them more functional so what is the point? By the way, block son from your phone. Just do it. It will calm you down. I am a big fan of living Fantastic older years. We earned it. Our adult children are not going to listen to what we say. They know what we want them to do but they are no longer ten years old and do not have that child's desire to please us anymore. Most will give up a warm home with us in order to do what they like. Homelessness is better than listening to us. We have NO power to influence them. None. They change when they want to change and not due to our pleas or our disappointment. We are all adults here. They do what they want and to be healthy and happy we have to let go of their outcome and start living for us, not anyone else. Sometimes like you we get to see how the stress affects us. Very sadly it is rare for the types of adult children we have to express worry over us, like we do over them is it worth it when our despair wont help? I suggest therapy if you need it to get over the constant worry over an adult child. Al Anon is also very good. We must do this for ourselves or else we don't function. And this doesnt help our grown children function so it's lose/lose. Every one of us can change how we cope with our adult children. We do not have to suffer. Yes, we love them and remember kinder days. Yes, we are connected. But we can't change them and we are separate people and o it is not healthy for them or us to cling beyond a certain age...20? Helicopter parenting a grown kid is a recipe for failure and disaster. It is never a smart or healthy idea to try to hover over another person. They run from it. We often neglect our other loved ones for them. Marriages implode and adult kids who are doing well are neglected. We live in a toxic bubble dancing with our toxic adult child. I hope you can do what is necessary. Hopefully less stress will help your husband Your son has no right to make anyone sick. Big hugs and well wishes. Enjoy Christmas :) [/QUOTE]
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