manda_mama's sister

[brandy_Cosby]

Hi there,
I am sure my sis has told you alot about me and my situation. By the sounds of things I am not alone on this.... Dealing with a 6year old child with Severe oppositional difancy and conduct disorder is not easy!!!!!! I am mentally and physically tired! In SK my son was suspended from school twice, and once this yr in gr 1. It is so hard for me to deal with him because as a parent when a child does something wrong 1st thing to do is to punish. But HOW?????? how can you do this to a child with a disorder? a child who has no clue why he is doing what he is doing? can just let them get away with it. and if you do younger siblings pick it up and feel it's OKAY to act this way. and if not punished HE thinks it's okat to act this way..... so what..... what now????? I am lost helllllllllllllllppp

 

[mandamama]

(((hugs)))
I really hope you can find the help and support that you need from these women, they seem very knowledgeable and VERY helpful!!

 

[Marguerite]

Hi Brandy. Welcome!

I'm a bit busy at the moment so although I've just posted on your sister's thread, it's only one of them. If there are more, I haven't seen them and can't seek them out right now.

But some basic advice -

1) If he's oppositional, get hold of "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It's a different way of thinking, a different way of handling the child. From what I read about your mother and how you have to deal with her, I'm thinking that you both possibly are reactive (as is natural with someone like your mother) and this can get you into habits which can be damaging if you have a difficult child. People mightn't even notice, if your child had no problems, but with a problem child you have to be much more adaptable and proactive, not reactive. But if you're always on the back foot (as with your mother) then the reactive habit kicks in and you always feel tired and exhausted.

Please note -I'm not criticising you. This is just what happens, especially when we're stressed and overtired.

Some books make your job a bit more difficult because there are charts, reminders, guidelines etc and rules. Too much to think about. But not in this case - it's a DIFFERENT way to think about. I found it reduced my workload with my child.

And you can use the technique on your mother, too. And the school. I do.

There is some good discussion on this book over in Early Childhood, and you can get a copy out of the library before you fork out hard-earned cash. Mind you, I eventually bought my own copy. I love the logic in it.

There are other books, people here have no commercial interest in what we recommend. It's just what we have learned for ourselves.

Second - do a sig for yourself when you can (like mine, below) so we can see what you're about without you always having to repeat yourself. Makes it easier for you. Keep your real names out of it (keeps your mother from knowing it's you, then you can vent away and she won't track you).

Third - consider getting him professionally, thoroughly re-evaluated and not just by the school. A neuropsychologist if you an organise it, because the best answers will give you the most accurate information and get him the most appropriate help. I think it's highly possible he's been misunderstood and as a result is being mishandled.

Keep us posted on how you get on.

Marg