Mania wife - she bought a car!!!!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by TPaul, Oct 9, 2009.

  1. TPaul

    TPaul Idecor8

    Well glad I have the moment with Levi, Wend. Needed it to help me make sure his mom lives through the weekend, LOL LOL, sorta :mad:

    What did darling, mania, BiPolar (BP), !$^$#)^)^&) do?

    She went to a used car lot, saw a mini van she liked, went to the bank and talked to them. Got a loan, went and bought the van, Came home and wanted to know where the title of for her van was. Ask her why, then she told me what she had done. Could not tell me what year it was, what brand it was, how many miles it has on it, or even what the payments where going to be.!!!!! I closed my mouth, because to open it would have made WW 2 look like a little skirmish. She left and took her old van to the lot for a little trade in left with her new van!!!!!!!

    :devil:^($%(^#%*@#%*@(#^%#)^#^%@#^*@)^#)^%*#)^*)%)!#*^#%@#)%^*!)^%*!#)#)%*@)*!#^)*#)!^)^*#)$^*)@!%*@^$(%@)&*@)($$)*&@_!(%!^*#! and does not understand
    why I am mad!! :angrydude:

    Sorry but the above paragraph was really just not suitable to be read in front of any live, or for that matter dead person, :grrr:
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2009
  2. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    When was the last time she was evaluation'd by a p-doctor? Her medications really seem like they are out of wack and you may need to have her hospitalized if it's as bad as you are making it seem. You have 72 hours to back out on this deal ( I believe, but there are some other people on here that might know bettr), so if it's that bad, I suggest you either call the dealer and tell them they they sold a car to a mentally ill person and see if they will cancel the deal. If not, then you may need to get a lawyer. In the meantime, you either need to get in touch with her psychiatrist, or get her to a hospital where she can be stabilized before she does something a lot worse than buy a car. Now that the car deal is over, she'll be looking somewhere else to focus her attention on and it could get a lot worse.
  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    My sympathies! Loth asks a very good question and offers some good advice. I hope you can reel her in soon.
  4. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I would also suggest, if you haven't already, separating your finances as much as possible. If she does anything like this again, it won't come back on you also. I don't normally like one person having all of the control over finances but that may be something you'll have to look into if she refuses to go to the psychiatrist.

    I know how bad it is living with a BiPolar (BP) difficult child, I can't imagine what it's like being married to one.
  5. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    So sorry. :(
    My first husband, difficult child's dad, was bi polar, and he got us in a mound of financial (and other) trouble. My first step of sanity was to completely separate our finances. Although this did not help him in any way, it helped me to start to remove myself from his chaos.
    Believe me, I understand the %^&*@$# feelings. I lived that way 7 years, before I said.
    "Goodbye". Love ya, but I am not sad to see you go."
    Hugs & good luck.
  6. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    I guess husband and I were always lucky. Long before I was diagnosis-ed with bipolar, I knew there were times when I just couldn't 'handle' things like that.

    My big spending thing was buying carryout lunches and that sort of thing. husband and I set up an allowance thing where I got my money for the week and that was it.

    I just left him to handle the finances until I was back in control of myself again.

    I see this as a much deeper problem. She's classically manic enough that I would start to worry about hypersexuality and the unfortunate liasons that can happen.

    in my opinion, wife needs to be hospitalized. Unfortunately, she's an adult and you can't force it unless she is a real danger to herself and others.

    I do agree with seperating finances. You HAVE to or this is going to come back and bite you in the rear end bigtime.

    I'm sorry you are dealing with this.
  7. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I once made my husband return a vehicle he wrote a hot check for. You should have 72hrs to do so.

    I am so sorry. I am going through a lot with my husband right now. He is in a psychiatric hospital and it has been hell. Luckily we are so broke he does not buy things, our credit number could be negative.
  8. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    T- It does sound like your family may be reaching a crisis point with wife. Please consider talking to her psychiatrist over the weekend.
  9. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    72 hours depends on the state. In Ohio, once you buy a car, that's it. No 72 hour window.

    I think she needs to see her psychiatrist, possibly admitted until they can stabilize her medications.
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Bipolar can really get out of control. I know a bipolar woman who is literally broke who had a manic attack and bought a puppy for $1000. Your wife is beyond the point of being able to make a rational decision and in my opinion the best thing you can do for her (and yourself) is to get her help. Take her to ER. She is very unstable. Maybe she needs a few days in the hospital to "come down."

    When somebody is manic they don't do these crazy things on purpose. They feel invincible, on top of the world, like everything is perfect. Many bipolars miss this "high" once they are stable, however it is, as you know, very difficult for the family. I'm in a support group for people who have mental health issues and the majority are bipolar. One woman, in a manic frenzy, took out her great dane and put on her rollerblades (she's in her 50's). She fell and ended up with a badly broken hip and in a nursing home for two months and is still not completely rehabilitated.

    Since you are the healthy adult (yes, I know it's tiresome) perhaps you need to sort of see when wife is becoming dangerously manic and try to get help ASAP because she won't know it...or she won't care because she's flying. Have you thought of joining a support group...maybe thru NAMI... for spouses of those who are mentally ill? You could get a lot of real life, hands on support.

    Truly, getting angry at her for being sick won't help, although I do understand it. But I think that right now she needs serious treatment. You can try to return the van later. Maybe if you explain, you can get your money back?????

    Good luck. You have heavy burdens.
  11. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    TPaul, I don't know if you're familiar with the medications that treat BiPolar (BP), but your wife is on three antidepressants (Trazodone, Cymbalta and Prozac), and antidepressants tend to fuel mania in people with BiPolar (BP). She's only on one mood stabilizer (Lamictal), which likely is not enough to hold off the mania created by the antidepressants. Most people with BiPolar (BP) need a first-line mood stabilizer (Lithium, Depakote, Lamictal, Trileptal, Tegretol) plus an atypical antipsychotic (Risperdal, Seroquel, Abilify, Geodon, Zyprexa) to reach mood stability. I'm afriad your wife is not going to get there until her medications are straightened out. If her current psychiatrist doesn't "get" the medications that treat BiPolar (BP), please have her evaluated for a second opinion ASAP.
  12. TPaul

    TPaul Idecor8

    Hey everyone,
    Only have just a couple of moments to answer a few questions others posted, have to work a full day today and want to hit a couple of garage sales to find a bargain before going to the shop today. :)

    Smallworld - yes I too think she needs a medication added. Levi was started on the prozac and ambilify and is doing remarkably well. I want to get the doctor to add the ambilify for her.

    Midwest - I am angry because she does not feel the weight of trying to do things to keep the BiPolar (BP) under control. I am the one that has to give her medications to her every day or she will not take the time to take them. I have to basically hound her each time she is running out of medications to call the clinic to see the doctor for more medications. Every time she ends up running out and has not made arrangements and has to go several days without one medication or the other before she gets in. I know a good portion of this is BiPolar (BP) too, so I get mad at the condition mostly. She needs to get right on this to help be an example to Levi about the importance of it.

    Flutterfly - tired momma -Crazy momma - She went to the back and took out a loan for the car. Not through the car lot, but through the bank we use. It is ours. She can not see a doctor till we call on monday to try to get her in the clinic. She does not have insurance, but going through the mental health clinic here in our area, and the doctor is only there one or two days a week.

    Ok, got to hurry so can't answer by names,

    I do take care of the finances mostly. I make sure the bills are paid through our checking account. We do not have Credit Cards because I know it would not be safe to have them with her. She does not have a check card now because she could not use it and control what she spent. She still can get money from the bank, but I don't keep all of it there, only enough to pay bills and then her spending money I give cash to her, but on occasion she has taken money out when she should not have.
    I keep my wallet hid in different places every night so she can not find it. She has taken money out before, and now I keep most of my cash for the month, so it can have a good deal of money in it.

    I paid all the bills last night for the month from the checking account and left only about 100.00 in the account. I am sure that will be gone before the day is over. then I will have to give her money from my cash till her payday again, but at least I can give just 10.00 or 20.00 every few days.

    More later, got to get ironing my clothes and get ready for work.

    Thanks for all the help and comments and hugs,
    T paul
  13. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    While she may very well need Abilify added to control mania, she may ALSO need Prozac and Cymbalta discontinued and maybe even Trazodone, too. They are notorious for fueling mania in people wiht bipolar disorder. I have seen it in my own children, and it is absolutely terrifying. It is almost impossible to control the mania with antidepressants on board, even with mood stabilizers and antipsychotics trying to counteract them. Please get a second opinion with a psychiatrist who specializes in BiPolar (BP) if you don't believe me.
  14. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I second smallworld. No antidepressants. My husband has been depressed to the point he did not leave the house for a week, did not get dressed, barely spoke and has never been on an ad. I suspect they are using the trazadone for sleep, it is most commonly used as a sleeper as it is not addictive but it was first developed as an anti depressant.

    It must be hard to have to go through a community mental health center. Is there any way she would allow you to go to the doctor with her? I only do this with husband when he is doing really poorly, psychiatrist has come to realize this and it does help. His psychiatrist is great about listening to me. Does she see the same psychiatrist? I do think that continuity is important. How knowledgeable are the docs about BiPolar (BP)?

    Is your wife BiPolar (BP) II or BiPolar (BP) I? If she is BiPolar (BP) II there is a great book, called why am I still depressed? It is not by any means about depression. I did not buy it for months as I thought why did husband's psychiatrist want me to buy a book about depression when he is BiPolar (BP)? It is definately about BiPolar (BP) II and the bipolar spectrum. By I think Richard Phelps. It has extensive research on the contraindication of using antidepressants in BiPolar (BP). Here is the link to the web page attached to the book. you can also get to the author's home page from there.

    Unfortunately I have decided that sometimes the spouse of the BiPolar (BP)'er must know quite a bit, especially if the BiPolar (BP) does not know nor learn. I am very fortunate that most time my husband will listen to me. He trusts me, unless he is paranoid, and will usually call the doctor if I ask him to.

    T--you have my empathy. I have been there done that and it hoovers. Your doctor situation for her sounds difficult. Good luck.
  15. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    These ladies are dead on. I dont have quite as bad mania as it seems your wife has but I have been there before. I am also very sorry you are having to rely on a community mental health service for her care. I know first hand how lacking in care the psychiatrists can be there sometimes. I had to use one for two years when I lost insurance and the idiot psychiatrist took me off all my psychiatric medications that worked so well for me for years to try to put me on "his" favorite bipolar cocktail. Well...his favorite mix didnt work for me. I had been on my mix for years and they worked great but when he pulled me off...I really went bonkers. It took me months to convince him to put me back on my medications and then to convince him to let me use one of my medications he thought I was on way too high a dose...and he would never read my old charts...what a terrible doctor!

    I cant take an anti-depressant at all. I had the worst manic episode in my life due to taking an anti-depressant. I wont bore you with the details but it was bad! Even now, I dont keep all access to the family money because I dont completely trust myself. I am much much better than I have ever been but why tempt I do allow myself a little bit of fun money. I have my ebay money. Maybe 50 a month to play with. I can use that to either ebay or yard sale or hit walmart for something for the grandkids. Makes me feel like I have some sort of play in my life. If I didnt do that I would be resentful.
  16. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I believe most states have 3 - 5 days to cancel the deal. Take the car back & get your old one.

    I agree with separate checking accts; glad to hear you have no CC's.

    T. sorry to hear that things are in such turmoil. Sounds like wife is truly manic & needs a medication change or hospitalization. A visit to ER may be called for.
  17. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    About medication taking, which is absolutely imperative. I have what used to be called Bipolar II and is now called Mood Dysregulation disorder and without my medications I couldn't function (and I only get hypo-manic, never so manic I'd buy a car.)

    Are there times, when your wife is less sick, that she DOES willingly take her medications? If your wife is just not taking medications out of defiance, I don't know what to say. Maybe something is wrong with her beyond just bipolar. My therapist just told my the other day that I'd always had an Axis II diagnosis of Personality Disorder not otherwise specified, which makes me more erratic to deal with than the average person as well as dealing with the moodswings (although I've had so much therapy and always take my medications so that I am at least 90% better than when I was in my 20's). This is personal, but does your wife drink when she gets manic? That can really make things tons worse and both personality disorders and substance abuse are very common with bipolar, unfortunately.

    Trivia: I read somewhere (can't remember where, but think it was one of the bipolar books) that 60% of the adults with bipolar do not comply with medication. I was stunned. I don't understand.

    I concur with the three mood antidepressants. If she gets as manic as you describe, I'm thinking she never needs an antidepressant. Can you get a second opinion on her treatment? Even if you have Medicaid, a university hospital psychiatrist will see her and I favor doctors who are on staff at university hospitals. They are worth it, even if you have to travel.

    Frankly, I"d be a little afraid of having Levi on the Prozac. That made myself and two of my kids pretty wacky.

    I wish you a peaceful day.
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2009