Boy, I understand that disappointment, as LBL said, "down to my very core."
So often our hopes are so much higher than our kid's abilities to gain altitude.....sigh.....perhaps in the grand scheme of life, she's gained a new perspective which she can use as a big life lesson. I hope she's humbled by it enough to open her mind to new possibilities and begin, with your help in not enabling her, to find her way to being a contributing, functioning, healthy adult. She's still so young, there is so much ahead of her.
Hang in there KSM. This part will be over and a new chapter will begin. While she's still away, do kind and nourishing things for yourself.
I am so sorry. I know this is disappointing and even heartbreaking. The fact that on some level you were expecting it doesn't make it any easier. At least she tried. If you never try, you never have a chance to succeed. People who never fail have usually never even taken a chance. Eventually she will figure out what she is meant to do with her life. Stay strong and make her work for it. (((((hugs)))))
I'm so sorry ksm. I know the feeling you have in your heart. I felt it when my son failed all his college classes (twice) because he didn't even go. I felt it when he refused to report to go to Job Corps to get his computer certification. I think we all feel it when our kids have a failure that we'd hoped would be a success.
I'm so sorry for you. I do believe that her Marine experience made a dent in her life. Just having to leave home, arrive at the base, being yelled at by a drill sarg, everyone getting stripped down to be equal...that is something you never will forget.
Start thinking about Plan B options for her and you. She needs to get back in the saddle again as soon as possible. she will want to have a pity party, that's ok, as long as it doesn't linger on too long.
Right now, my Plan B is Job Corp...I called today and talked to an admission counselor. She is sending me a packet of information. So far, the dental technician program is my first choice for her. Approx 10 months of training, free lodging, meals, transportation, uniforms for work or training, medical care. It is 2 hours from us... After the first month, they can go home on weekends.
Thanks Pigless, right now we are just waiting for he next phone call. She called her dad on Friday and said she would be home, but would call with details. But nothing for 3 days now... I texted her recruiter and asked if he would check on things today when he went to he office. I think he can access info on computer and have a better idea what's going on.
I did get mail from her...3 sheets written on different days. First she was still in processing. Sounds like lack of sleep. The nex was after her first physical test. She said she passed everything but the last, which was a 1.5 mile run. She was 45 seconds over the cut off. Then she was moved in to the physical conditioning group, and the the next letter was when things fell apart.
She admitted to not being mentally capable to get thru boot camp, that most the females in her unit were ones who got injured during boot camp, and had terrible attitudes. I know she will say that she admitted to drug use just to get out. But younger sis had already confided to me two months ago that she had taken ecstasy the night younger sis got out of rehab.
I don't think she is an active drug user...but had been experimenting. She has not failed drug tests that the recruiting group uses. She seems to be regretful...
I doubt that she will be interested in Job Corp... She will probably go back to couch surfing...but we will stand firm about her getting on track, job, school, or volunteering before we will be willing to help her.
I think her Plan B is to wait for her guy friend to get out of boot camp and try to live with him, which probably won't work unless he has off base lodging.