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<blockquote data-quote="Steely" data-source="post: 69331" data-attributes="member: 3301"><p>Gosh, it is so hard. I have been there done that. I have been married twice, both times to the wrong guy. Both times it has negatively impacted my son in a profound way. </p><p></p><p>In your situation, I think you have to sluice out your needs from your difficult children though. Not to be simplistic, but I would make a list of pros and cons for both you and your son, and evaluate it. I am unclear in your post how close your son and husband are. If when you evaluate the pros and cons and realize that the only reason you are staying with husband is because difficult child does not like change, than that certainly is not a reason to stay in a long term relationship that is unhappy. But if there are multiple reasons that the both of you might benefit from in staying, then maybe it is worth the time, money, and energy to try and go to counseling and salvage the relationship.</p><p></p><p>For me, personally, I am a big proponent of doing what is best for you as the parent - because ultimately it trickles down and affects the child. My self esteem was so badly damaged by my last marriage, that it has taken me 3 years of therapy and self work to repair it. To me, nothing in the world would have been worth staying in that relationship, nothing. And, consequently, my son saw that, and knew that marriage, and that man, were a bad thing. </p><p></p><p>Every scenario is different, and every person is different......so ultimately you will have to decide the best choice for you. Just try to go into it as objectively as you can - feelings aside - and I think the truth will be waiting.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Steely, post: 69331, member: 3301"] Gosh, it is so hard. I have been there done that. I have been married twice, both times to the wrong guy. Both times it has negatively impacted my son in a profound way. In your situation, I think you have to sluice out your needs from your difficult children though. Not to be simplistic, but I would make a list of pros and cons for both you and your son, and evaluate it. I am unclear in your post how close your son and husband are. If when you evaluate the pros and cons and realize that the only reason you are staying with husband is because difficult child does not like change, than that certainly is not a reason to stay in a long term relationship that is unhappy. But if there are multiple reasons that the both of you might benefit from in staying, then maybe it is worth the time, money, and energy to try and go to counseling and salvage the relationship. For me, personally, I am a big proponent of doing what is best for you as the parent - because ultimately it trickles down and affects the child. My self esteem was so badly damaged by my last marriage, that it has taken me 3 years of therapy and self work to repair it. To me, nothing in the world would have been worth staying in that relationship, nothing. And, consequently, my son saw that, and knew that marriage, and that man, were a bad thing. Every scenario is different, and every person is different......so ultimately you will have to decide the best choice for you. Just try to go into it as objectively as you can - feelings aside - and I think the truth will be waiting. [/QUOTE]
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