Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by amazeofgrace, Sep 24, 2008.
Ugh, besides my own marriage being in peril, it would seem everyone else's is as well!
I think they wrote an old song about this...Whats forever for!
Sorry you are getting it from all sides. This is exactly why I will never get married again. Never mind the fact I have lived with Tony for 25 years now...Im convinced getting married would ruin it...lmao.
Add mine to your list. After the chat husband and I have had the past couple of days, I'm not sure where we're heading.
But I'll refrain from calling you to dump on. LOL
Janet, there might be merit in your thinking.....
I've had moments when I absolutely hated my husband but I've never been pole dancing and he's never insisted he watch me dress and undress (although in the right context that could be very interesting).
The people around you seem to have more going on than messed up marriages. They have messed up heads. Really. I mean, taking off with-o a job, with-someone else who doesn't have a job, and leaving the kids behind is absolutely adolescent.
And beating your wife is unconscionable. He has emotional issues that go way beyond his wife--she's just a conveniet target.
We've had times when it seems like all our friends' lives are falling apart too, and then it settles down.
Unless it's crucial to get involved, it's best to distance yourself and take care of your own issues. It's an insane world.
I am so sorry about your parents. But you know it's not your problem to solve--it's just so painful to watch them from your vantage point. It's always hard to watch people you love, who are hurting and hurting others that you love.
"A friend from church's husband beats the heck out of her, but she will not leave him because she says "God hates divorce" ...
Not to get in to religion here, but I would imagine that God does hate divorce. But I choose to believe that He probably hates it a whole lot more when men abuse and beat their wives! That not what He intended marriage to be. I don't believe that any woman should be expected to remain with a man who is abusive to her!
First, let me say, I think that some marriages need to end---abuse is never acceptable in any shape, form, or fashion. But, marriage is the hardest job I've ever had. It takes hard work and determination to make it work. There have been many times that I have not liked my husband. He is a recovering addict, and his addiction did a lot of damage to our relationship. There have been times when the love I felt for him waned. After he went into recovery it took a long time to trust him again. But, I know that the grass is not greener, and I know that he is a good and decent man with a disease that he is willing to fight to hold on to me. After 21 years the good times far outweigh the bad. Communication is one key. Another is forgiveness. Finally, I don't expect anything out of him that I don't expect from myself.
Ditto what Donna said.
Well, AOG- would you prefer to be in the middle of what any of them are going through? I think you should look at this as a reminder of how far YOU have come already. I know it's a long process, but you are on your way!!
I'm sorry for what the others are living through though- especially when abuse is involved.
I think my mom........who I swear has the bible memorized pretty much cover to cover....(religious fanatic) quoted me a passage that stated God's disapproval of abusive marriages and that being 1 accepted reason for divorce..........
Amazed.........hate to break it to you but my own marriage is also on the rocks and I can think of 3 more without even trying. sigh Of course 25 yrs with husband and I ought to get some sort of special Award for sticking it out this long. lol It's not that I don't like him.........I'd like him just fine if he lived somewhere else. I just can't live with him anymore. And as soon as my schooling is done, if he hasn't changed, I'm outta here. (he owes me that much)
These things seem to go in waves, I swear. It's like one couple sees another breaking up and maybe it makes them pay attention to their own relationship and then wham! Even Nichole's boyfriend's parents are on the fast track to divorce. Frankly, I think both would be happier if one would just up and move out. sheesh
Awwww, I am sorry to hear that. I hope things improve. I am an avid listener of a person that you all might know of and pretty much the majority of what she has to say makes sence. Although I realize that a good read is not the fix all I just want to mention that she is the auther of several books about relationship whoas. I do not know if I am breakin the rules here but here s a link to her site. www.drlaura.com
One book title is not at all what one would think, (Like being a slave to your husband or anything like that, Lol!!) But you all that choose to check out the site can be the judge of that. You can read exerpts of her books (I think) on her site but if not you can on Barnes&Nobel or Amazon. Just my opinion but her books have allot of great insight that for the most part comes from many years of wisdom and helping others see things in a different light. (I call that the aww-haa moment)
Well, honestly I don't think that God thinks that someone who beats another person is part of a marriage. The beater lied to God when they took the vows and therefore invalidates the marriage.
Just me. I see things differently with God than others, I suppose.
God hates divorce -
But God ALSO tells a married man to TREAT HIS WIFE LIKE CHRIST treats the church.
If GOD ever beat me? I sure wouldn't worship him. So tell your friend THAT. It IS in the bible and so are the guidelines for choosing to leave your marriage. And have her see a counselor that can EXPLAIN the bible, not just pick out the stuff that SEEMS to "make human sense" for the occasion, like "God hates divorce, so I should stay until I'm dead and he will HONOR me." Yeah phooey.
I guess the next question most women like that ask themselves is...."Well how bad is TOO bad to be treated...before you leave?"
I so wish I could say that about S2BX, but after 19 years, I finally realize it's not gonna happen
AOG, I went through the same thing for over twenty years, and it never got better ... it got worse! And after all that time and after pretty much destroying his own family, he still would never even admit that he even had a problem, much less make an attempt to do anything about it! He was always drunk, mean and cruel and sometimes violent - should I (and the kids) have been expected to put up with that in hopes that he would maybe someday see the light? No way! Whose fault is it the the marriage failed - HIS - not mine! It's been over twelve years and the kids and I are still trying to undo all the damage he has done to us - and he's still a drunk, even worse than before. Should the two kids and I have sacrificed our chances to finally have happy, peaceful, calm, normal lives - again, NO WAY!
From a religious standpoint, I will never EVER believe that God expects a woman (and her children) to remain with a man who is cruel and abusive! When it goes that far, the marriage is already broken and HE broke it! That's the deal breaker right there. I believe that when this happens, a loving God would be very angry at the man who beat and abused his wife, rather than being displeased with the wife who chose to protect herself and her children by leaving. And remember, statistics say that at least 60% of men who beat their wives, also beat their children!
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