I could feel it coming. I tried to warn his therapists and doctors., no one listened. They were pushing him really hard to achieve certain things to go on to the next level. They were looming this big carrot of "passing on to transition" if he did all of these different things. Every time he did not achieve the goals, they took away his ability to qualify to pass on to transition. Today he lost his mind. He ran away. They finally got him to surrender and then he tore the car up, spit on everyone, screamed profanities, etc. As it stands now, I am not sure where he is. Perhaps on his way to phosph, or jail - or maybe back to the program. At least not wandering the streets. He totally just let everything go he had been working so hard on. He has not had an outburst in almost a year. Then he wanted to move to the next level, and they started riding him hard about doing all of these things - and bam - he went right on over the edge. I cannot take this anymore. He is turning 19 next week. If he bombs out of this program, then he will be homeless, without job skills, without support - I have no idea what will happen to him. None. And I cannot be on this roller coaster anymore. I do not want to care about him, or his life, or his situation. But I do. So unbelievably much the pain resonates throughout my entire being. It is killing me. All I could think about today when he was missing was how he could not spend the night out and homeless, because that is how my sister died. I truly was not sure I could make it through the night with him missing. I cannot lose him. I can't. Thank you for your prayers and support. I am so sad. Things had been going so well. And now what. I am right back where I was a year ago with this kid.