May I Join You?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jessica, Feb 5, 2008.

  1. Jessica

    Jessica New Member

    Hi, I just stumbled across this site while I was searching for some help with my daughter. She is 6 years old and she was diagnosed with ADHD about 1 year ago. We had a really difficult time adjusting her medications, but we finally got her settled down on Strattera.

    That said, over the past few months, she has become increasingly angry, defiant and just plain mean. She will fight me on EVERYTHING! I am just plain tired of the arguments, punishments, yelling, etc. Someone mentioned to me today that maybe she has oppositional defiant disorder. Honestly, I can't even begin to think about labeling my little girl with yet another diagnosis.

    While she brings me so much happiness and so much pleasure, the tables can turn on me in a moment. I'm not sure where to turn, but you all seem like you have a better handle on things. Thanks for letting me vent.
  2. Coookie

    Coookie Active Member

    Hi Jessica and welcome to the site. :)

    It is hard to deal with an oppositional child of any age. :( Sounds like you have a handle on some of her diagnosis's though. :)

    I used Ross Green's "The Explosive Child" with my difficult child and it helped me quite a bit. Didn't completely solve the problem but helped me use different methods which cut the arguments down some. You might want to get a copy of that.

    Remember, you are not alone. We are all dealing with difficult kds here and the care and support you will receive is amazing.

    Others will be along soon to welcome you too.

  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there. Sure....join in :love-very:
    Straterra can cause worsening behaviors, especially in kids with undiagnosed mood disorders. Do you have mood disorders in your family background? ODD rarely stands alone and a combo of ADHD behaviors plus ODD defiance is often the definition of a mood disorder and ADHD medications won't help that. Straterra can take a month or two to kick in so you'd be unlikely to see worsening moods/rages/malcontentedness at first.
    Has she ever seen a neuropsychologist? Was her early development on target? You may want to do a signature--that helps us.
  4. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Hi Jessica and welcome!! So glad you found us! Vent away - we can definitely relate. :)

    I would also highly recommend "The Explosive Child". Now, I'm definitely not a self-help book kind of person, at all, with this single exception. When you have a kiddo who seems to argue over everything, this book helps you sort out what you *really* want to stand firm on and what you can let slide (for now). When I first came to the board, I was fighting every single battle which meant that every day was nothing but battles, all day long. It was a miserable way to live, for everyone. My kid would argue that grass was purple, if I participated. When I learned not to participate in those kinds of things, I got a little bit of my bearings back.

    How is she doing in school? Any history in the family tree of ADHD or mood disorders? Are you and/or she in therapy?

    I understand your dislike of "labels". The flip side of that coin is that if you're dealing with behaviors that are impairing quality of life for you or her or the family, it may be time to investigate further (especially if there's a family history of if she's having troubles outside of the home as well). In my mind, the label doesn't matter so much as figuring out how to help her be a happy and well-adjusted kiddo. If a label helps you help her get there - well, that's a good thing in my book.

    Again - welcome!!! So glad you've found us!
  5. Star*

    Star* call 911


    Welcome and hello. If we appear to have a better handle on things I assure you it is because we've all been doing this for a long time and .....we have each other for support.

    So from an old salt - my sage advice would be :Learn something called Effective Communication. And practice it daily with yourself, your family and your difficult child. My other best felt advice is to find a GOOD family therapist you connect with - and stick with him for as long as it takes to continue to facilitate behavior modifications with your daughter. Follow your gut, but if you have doubts - give yourself time. And learn how to not react too quickly to a raging difficult child, but DO figure out a game plan that the entire family is on board with.

    Stick TO YOUR GUNS about even the most mundane consequences - and despite the fact that there will be days everyone will loose - stick to your plan. Also - know that ADHD and ODD are LIFETIME challenges we are presented with. There is no magic pill or combinations of pills to make this disorder go away. And make sure you and hubby are a united front and take time for yourselves amongst the chaos that is a difficult child's life. They live to be in a tornadic environment. Teaching them that it is OKAY to accept peaceful surroundings takes a lifetime -

    Welcome to the board.

    Nice to meet you
  6. 4sumrzn

    4sumrzn New Member

    Hello! Yes, Please join in! Welcome:D. I have learned as a newbie myself, please do a helps everyone so much in responding. I will agree right off...check out "The Explosive Child", a very good book! I also agree...Straterra takes awhile to kick in, not sure you would see positives right away & negatives "might" mean the medication isn't quite the right one. This is just an opinion though:D

    "While she brings me so much happiness and so much pleasure, the tables can turn on me in a moment. I'm not sure where to turn, but you all seem like you have a better handle on things. Thanks for letting me vent." She will bring you happiness & pleasure AND the tables do turn in every direction. I'm not going to say that "we" have a better handle on things, BUT will found a great place to land! Everyone here....wonderful. You can vent when you need to & get great information to help you along the way too!
  7. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi Jessica,

    My difficult child's name is Jessica too :). She is on Strattera and also Lamictal for her moods. The combination of both have worked very well for about three years now. We first got her diagnosed at six years old too. Her first diagnosis was ODD and it's very difficult because she was so so defiant about everything.

  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome Jessica,

    Glad you found us! This a great place for support. I remember my son at 6 and all I really wanted to do after many days like you described is fall asleep. It is so important to take care of you and do nice things for you!