I'm lonely. I miss my son. I don't know where my life is going, much less difficult child's. I think I'm getting another cycle of "HA HA you aren't over MP yet" week coming up. I'm wanting to eat more, although I've tried to keep it fairly healthy for the most part- cereal, berries, etc. But tonight- I'm indulgin with a southern meal. Fried pork chops, mashed potatoes (I bought milk), cornbread, beans, and fried green tomoatoes. The parole officer made his monthly call to me today. He seems so nice. But there is this typical edge and I know that I will NEVER trust anyone in our court services unit (CSU) again. I know I need to look for and find work out of this area and move. I told the PO about this today and he said it would be no problem- he would just transfer difficult child's stuff to that jurisdiction. I can't get difficult child transferred to another facility, though, and I don't want to move. It's like another heartbreak. But I need to figure out how to do it and just give up on trying to salvage anything at all- except our dogs- from this life. I just feel like I was beaten to a pulp already and had no resources left and now I have to find mmore to even be able to step back and punt. I'm trying very hard to look at it like maybe something more exciting lies ahead. But maybe I'm just old enough now to think about the reality of "how" to move, find a new place where I can keep the dogs, deal with another CSU, another job where I have to always go in and tell them why I need time off work, etc. This dinner better make me feel better! If not, I'll have to hit the ice cream and chocolate syrup afterwards!