Maybe making progress

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by toughlovin, Dec 6, 2010.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Hi all,

    Well I am feeling hopeful. Our relationship with our son is not great, he has been so angry with us and there has been a huge amount of tension etc. He is in rehab now which is good. I don't think he really wanted to go but he really had no choice as it was his way out of jail. He is in another state so it is not like we can go see him every week.... that might be good because really this has to be his journey and part of his issue is to find a way to be independent from us because he hates being dependent on us.

    So he has had his ups and downs but has been doing ok down there according to the therapist. He is getting intensive therapy and I know they are getting to some deeper issues, some involving the family which is good.

    So I felt good yesterday because he and I communicated via text message. It started over Xmas gifts... he wants a tattoo for xmas but is now talking about getting a positive message for himself such as serenity or something like that. Anyway it went on to him acknowledging the stress on the family and that a bonus to his sobriety will be less stress on the family. At least now he is talking about sobriety and is talking about something positive for himself and letting me in just a little bit.

    He is obviously thinking a lot about things..... so it makes me hopeful. I am too realistic to be anything more than hopeful but it is nice to have some hope for a better future.
  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am glad that he is verbalizing this, I was hopeful too when difficult child finally began talking in terms of sobriety. We all felt a huge relief like we no longer had to ignore the elephant int he room and we could start being honest with each other. I also think it's huge that he is talking to you about Christmas gifts, sounds like he is not ready to give up his family totally.

    What are the plans for Christmas? Will there be a family visit?

  3. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    No there won't be a family visit. :( It is going to be very strange not having him home for Xmas. That is a first. My husband and I thought of us going down as a family but my daughter really really doesnt want to go see him and she has good reason. We felt he got himself there, and she has done nothing wrong, so it would not be fair or good for her to drag her down there. Plus he has not asked us to come. Our feeling is my husband and I can do down another weekend if he wants us to come... any other weekend we could ask friends to take my daughter, but we can't do that on Xmas.

    And yes things getting more honest is good. It is a step in the right direction for him and for your daugther as well. Time will tell how serious he really is about sobriety... at least now he is mentioning the word.
  4. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    It really is positive that your son is talking with you and opening up. The fact that he's talking about sobriety is hopeful - if he's out of denial and
    at least seeing himself as needing sobriety, that's a huge step. No progress can happen without it. And talking about Christmas, too, sounds good.
    I hope your family will have a peaceful Christmas and that communication will continue to be open.