Maybe some difficult child insight

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Wiped Out, Oct 14, 2009.

  1. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    difficult child had a therapist appointment after school. He was almost manic like; couldn't sit still, couldn't listen (I asked if he had received his afternoon medications at school; he said no but without hearing from the school nurse I didn't dare give them late 'cause I didn't want to accidentally double dose).

    Long story shorter, he ended up becoming upset and threatening and leaving the session (just into the part of the waiting room). We let him have some time on his own back in the room to calm himself down.

    Now to the insight part:

    I was talking to therapist about the possibility that the county program might transition him out. We were both saying how that would not be a good idea. However, we have to prove he is not in danger of an out of home placement or hospitalization. I explained that without the respite we receive and his recent violence it could possibly mean a trip to the hospital; she agreed.

    difficult child heard this and thought I said he was going to the hospital; he came out very upset and started to leave and then started to cry. I was able to calm him and even let me hug him and I explained what I had said. He totally turned his mood around.

    On the way home I was telling him how the only times we would put him in the hospital was if he was a danger to himself or others. Told him I knew he would never really want to hurt us. Then I showed him the scars on my hands from where he used to pinch me. He was very serious and asked if he really did that. I replied yes and that I wasn't telling him to make him feel bad but to help him understand how he used to have such little control but needs to show more control now that he is older.

    He asked if it hurt when he did that to me and I said yes it did. I also told him how each time he had had been hospitalized it was because he was hurting someone and did he understand that couldn't happen. He replied yes. I also told him I was worried about him being hurt that in trying to defend myself what if I had thrown him off me last year when he was punching me and accidentally hurt him. He said it would be his fault, not mine. I said yes but I didn't want him to get hurt and would feel bad.

    Some of this seemed to sink in for difficult child (as much as it can) and he was extremely nice to me for the rest of the evening, nice like I haven't seen him in a long time-if ever. We even made tortillas together and he was nice the entire time.
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    It makes me sad to see him struggle so much because he obviously loves you a great deal. I hope you planted a seed of wisdom in his head tonight and that the evening went well.
  3. ML

    ML Guest

    I think he did absorb the complexity of this situation. How neat that you made tortillas together. I would love to learn how to make them some day.
  4. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Wow. Sounds like one of those conversations that is amazing.

    I am glad you had a good evening with him. That is great.
  5. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Double wow! Amazing the epiphany he seems to have had! Where was this part of him when he was throwing a fit (among other things) on your birthday? :dont_know:
  6. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    Reflecting upon his behavior. Impressive.

    Empathy -- also impressive. (Not my difficult child's strong suit.)

    It does sound as if he got some insight. Two thumbs up on that!
  7. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    That is awesome!
  8. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Fingers crossed that he processes this info and it affects his behavior when his thinking is distorted. I think it will take restating the facts a few more times before it really clicks. I suspect that you will have to remind him of your conversation at the time of violence over and over for him to see the correlation. (sort of like how we train our pets to not mess in the house. The correction has to be immediate for them to understand the correlation between behavior and consequence)
    Saying it once and the light bulb turning on works on easy child's(sometimes) but it hasn't been my experience that it is a one time deal. Sort of like planting a seed in the garden. You have to repeatedly attend to the necessary tasks that will nurture that seed and make it grow.

    I'm glad he showed some of the kinder parts of his heart to you.
  9. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Great job for both you and difficult child! He saw for a brief time how important his actions are. He tried very hard all night to hold on to how he wants to behave.

    Control is hard to keep and though you can expect some back sliding with each success, these successes are showing you a glimpse of a brighter future.

    Keep reminding him of what makes him special. Being able to look at a past and learn from mistakes is a biggie! Remind him of how much you enjoyed working with him last night.

    How are things going today?
  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thanks everyone. It was a really good night. He also had a good morning and a good night. He has been much more mellow, still difficult child but more mellow. I know it was just a small baby step last night but it was nice to see him show some understanding.

    Wonders of wonders-he is even excited about going to respite tomorrow!
  11. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Here's to some more lightbulb moments for difficult child!
  12. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I think this is wonderful. At the very least he won't be thinking the hospital is a punishment. I am glad you and he were able to have this conversation. I hope he continues to make progress. -RM