Can I give you guys the history and see what you think?
Age 1-2 - extremely active, doesn't play with toys, prefers to deconstuct things (break sister's block towers, sand castles, snowmen; tips bins of toys not to play with but to hear the noise and dig his hands in them), uses a pacifier, night terrors, one word utterances, sensory seeking, loves all food.
Age 2 -mention to pediatrician about activity level and slow language development- told to wait and see.
Age 2 1/2 -talk to pediatrician again, get a referral for Birth to 3 program. A woman comes out to the house to see difficult child and I. I have his blanket, pacifer and sippy cup while holding him just to get him to stay in the same room so she can see him (she sees this as coddling), we get him to the kitchen table and I pull out play-doh, she asks him for it and he complies, she basically tells us we are too permissive and leaves (6 mo. later I find out she didn't even bother to write a report about the visit).
Age 3-another visit to a new pediatrician and I tell him my concerns, he refers us to a Dr. of psychology who diagnoses Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified and refers us to the school district for testing.
Age 3 1/4- starts Early Childhood preschool, also receives speech and Occupational Therapist (OT)
Age 3 1/2-starts private Occupational Therapist (OT)
Age 3 3/4-starts ABA program
Age 4 1/4- move to a new school district
Age 5 -remove from s.d. due to mistreatment from preschool teacher
Age 5 3/4 -begins K, mistreated (food withheld, police put him in hold)
two weeks later begins a program in a contained autism classroom
Remains in that room for 3 years, finally removed due to seclusion and restraint being used far too often and other abusive 'techniques'.
Seen many dev. peds, psychiatrists, therapist- He acts very autistic at these appointments so people cannot get a true view of him. At most appointments he appears non-verbal, lowered IQ, stimmy.
In reality he is verbal, conversational, has many good basic skills, is very ODD in regard to any request related to schoolwork and chores.
For the last three years he has been home with me working on curriculum provided by the school district. He has learned a lot, but it was very grueling just to get through any assignment. He would tantrum for up to 4 hours just about writing a few sentences. He has tremendous anxiety built up over his years in the autism classroom where he would be denied recess and many other activities if he couldn't behave and do his work.
This last year (age 10/11) we slowly brought him back into a new school building with a wonderful speech therapist he saw twice a week for a half hour. I would wait for him outside the room. Slowly we added an adaptive pe class, again he did very well with 1:1 help. Added a few 15min. increments of visiting the 4th grade classroom and he loved it. He started asking if he could stay at school for lunch and recess, we attempted it sporadically because they didnt' have someone to supervise him so we had to wait until someone was available. It went well the few times we tried. Finally the end of the year was approaching and academics were very much on the back burner because the curriculum they gave was way beyond him, they kept putting this aspect off, but in March I insisted they get their act together so he could come to school. He had done so well in the short periods he was there that the 4th grade teacher felt very comfortable setting up a desk for him in her class and welcoming him in. I said he needed 1:1, they had an aide who was helping another child who could also assist difficult child. Day one (we were just doing half a day) went great. By day 2 and him realizing the new expectations, he shut down. I got called in to 'do something' because he was causing disruption and refused to leave the room. I got there and he was hiding inside his shirt. This sort of thing continued for a few days and everyone realized this was not going to work. (He was spitting in class, making noise, refusing to listen to the lesson, calling the teacher stupid in front of the class).
None-the-less he still really wanted to come to school. Finally the only option they could offer was to have him based out of that school's autism room. This made me very nervous because the teacher was very behavior mod oriented and behavior mod has always turned out poorly for difficult child. People think he has control of his behavior when it is really a huge amount of anxiety over all the experiences of his past school days- he has extremely poor coping skills and acts out. This was another horrible experience for him. I was called in by the third day to pick him up early and by day 7 the teacher had retreated, crying to the principal's office because she was taking his behaviors personally. Her way of dealing with him was very 'in your face' which makes him absolutely over the top with anxiety. He was restrained at least 15 times over the course of 16 days. His behaviors included spitting, ripping up decorations on the wall, calling names (stupid, dummy-head, devil), making a mess in the bathroom (peeing on the floor, unrolling all the toilet paper), refusing to do all work, being put in seclusion and kicking the wall so hard the custodian had to secure the wall, at the end he would go into seclusion and strip or pee his pants. At home, he does not spit, strip or urinate inappropriately. I know these behaviors are related to his anxiety, lack of problem solving and just bad past history (these behaviors happened at his last school).
So he went from a needy student who was well behaved and participatory to raging lunatic.
Here's my issue. He needs to go to school for the socialization (he gets almost none except his siblings at home) and because, darn it, he actually wants to go. I have also been home for the last 14 years raising my kids and I'm going back to school myself. I've been taking one class a semester for 2 years, now, this winter I will start my main program and be gone 1/2 the day. I have to make school work for him. I have been trying for 2 months to get into a psychiatrist who looks at bipolar (as our current psychiatrist doesn't acknowledge childhood bipolar), I can't get an appointment it seems because we already are seeing a psychiatrist (it's absolutely insane).
At home difficult child's main issues are: irritability, defiance with chores/school type items, obsession with video games, cannot sit still very long for anything, poor short-term memory, hyperactivity, irritates the pets in a mean way, sensory needs (to be tightly hugged or hugs others, burrows in blankets, constantly eats).
On a good day- he is conversational and considerate, plays nicely with sibs and pets and is generally even-keeled.
Overall, he is manic-y 30%, irritable 40%, normal for him 25% and easy child 1% (we call this awakenings- last time was 3 years ago -it was heaven and a glimpse of what his life could have been).