Meet my brother in law - our difficult family member - UPDATED UPDATE

[goldenguru]

Well the dust has settled so to speak.

Long story short - He wrote checks amounting to $2400 against the inlaws checking account.

He also wrote bad checks from his own account totaling over a grand. In addition he stuck several of those "advance pay" places (not quite sure how it works).

Near as we can figure damages are in excess of $5000.00.

One brother (who was not in favor of letting him go back to prison)payed a good portion of the $$$$$ back so that his parents wouldn't prosecute. And then called and asked us to cover the rest. I was so proud of my hubby he flat out refused. Explained that we had just 'loaned' brother in law $350.00 a few weeks ago.

Drug addicted brother in law always manages to land on his feet. He's now in a 90 day inpatient rehab.

Of course the true test is when he gets out and is forced to live in the real world.

Very sad situation.

 

[Anna1345]

This isn't his first time. It won't be his last. How will his family feel if the money he took pays for the drug he happens to accidentally OD on?

I think your husband made the absolute correct choice! Why bail him out again? You did good!

 

[witzend]

90 days room and board sounds more like it. I'm surprised his brother bailed him out. He must see the futility in that. Good for your husband, and again, I'm sorry that your family has to go through this. It's a shame.

 

[DammitJanet]

GG...

I honestly couldnt respond to this post when you first posted it because it hit so close to home. As you probably remember Cory hit me and Billy for forged checks amounting to $1600. We filed the paperwork with the bank and the police. It was really hard.

I so often wish I could just say drop it all. I dont want to see him with felony records.

After reading your entire post and the updates, your post gives me the strength to keep on because I never want to be where your parents are. I never want my other kids to be where you are. I dont want to find Cory dead because he uses the money for hard drugs.

Let him learn now...at 21.

 

[Star*]

Guru - BRAVO to your husband and you for NOT succumbing to this vortex of bail an adult man out again and again and again.

My thoughts because I've been there are:

1.) If you don't bail him out he's going to end up in jail. So be it. When he gets out of jail he's going to be depressed and go right back to doing what takes the pain away, and blame everyone anyway.

or

2.) He's going to continue to be bailed out by people who feel sorry for him, when in fact he neither feels sorry for you doing it or for himself and continue to do irreparable damage to his body and your feelings towards him.

Some people know when to say NO and mean it - doesn't mean you don't love him. It just means you refuse to enable him any longer in his quest to kill himself.

Sorry you have to go through this. 90 days rehab for the (??th) time? The pattern never changes until he chooses to change.

Hugs
Star

 

[goldenguru]

You're very wise Janet. I bet if the family could go back in time (about 30 years time) they would have let this guy suffer his consequences. Instead they (we) have spent decades 'doing the dance'. Who knows if we had detached if the outcomes would be any different.

But - we would have the peace of knowing that we had not enabled brother in law toward a lifetime of petty theft and crack addiction.

Stick to your guns. Better he learn with some time in county jail than spend a lifetime going thru the hell that is my brother in law's life.

 

[HereWeGoAgain]

In addition he stuck several of those "advance pay" places (not quite sure how it works).

Well, they loan a relatively small amount -- $100 to $500 -- and keep a personal check as collateral. At the end of two weeks the borrower either buys back the check or lets the lender deposit it. Or the borrower can pay the interest to roll it over for another two weeks. The interest is astronomical, like $20 per hundred borrowed per two weeks. in my opinion it's nothing more than loan sharking. These businesses exploit difficult children and also people with no credit or bad credit who face sudden emergencies such as major auto repairs. The customer/victim typically will rapidly get into a robbing Peter to pay Paul type of situation, piling up new loans to pay the interest to roll over old loans until it all comes crashing down.