So I just had my meeting with the teacher about the hitting and J cowering in fear. It did not go at all as I expected (does anything ever? ). First of all, I had been projecting this image of anger and withdrawal on her - in fact, she was smiling, open and very happy to talk about J. We talked initially about ADHD and hyperactivity. She said she would be very happy to meet the psychiatrist with the two teaching assistants to gain more understanding about this. She seemed very open to learning more, took the book I offered enthusiastically, and we had a long chat about J and how he is doing "academically". She gives every appearance of being a devoted and professional teacher, who seems very fond of and caring about J and his learning. And then... I broached the subject of J cowering in fear, people mentioning this to me (and me having seen it once)... I did not say that J had told me that she had hit him and the other boy. It was clear at this stage that she would just have denied it outright if I had said that. She looked blank, shook her head, and said he had never done it to her. However... it was clear to me from her body language that something was "up"... she was quite agitated, shifting her body around, touching her bracelet, her ears... she seemed uncomfortable. I asked whether there was any possibility another child or even any of the teaching staff were hitting him. She said something about that not happening in her school, we talked about the law and it not being approved practice in French schools; it was rather surreal. We both kind of knew, I think, what we were really saying to each other without any conscious acknowledgement of it at all. I am confused. She truly does seem to me like a committed and caring teacher. She said something at one point about how every parent had occasionally lost control and given a slap that they did not want through frustration, etc... A coded message? At any rate, although many people would not understand this, between her and my four year old son, I just know that my four year old son is telling me the truth. The message has been given, she knows other people know about it, I am virtually certain this will not happen again. Other than this crazy-making contradiction, I came away from the meeting with a positive feeling, largely because of all the positive things she says and clearly seems to feel about J. She seems to understand him, many of the things she said were very perceptive and insightful... isn't that strange?