mental illness = weakness?

DammitJanet

Well-Known Member
If there was another way to handle any issues, diseases, disorders, illnesses, or whatever we would all jump on them. When someone mentions diabetes in relation to medicating children with mental health issues it isnt as if we are just saying...oh, people with diabetes just take insulin and they are fine so we just give kids with mental health issues medication and they will be fine. It isnt that simple and we know it.

People with diabetes have to live a certain lifestyle in order to keep their diabetes in check. They have to watch what they eat, check their blood sugar several times a day, exercise, deal with stress well, take their medication regularly, see their doctor's and other assorted things.

Same goes for people or children with mental illnesses. Actually except for checking their blood sugar the list could be much the same.
 
H

HaoZi

Guest
Malika, I speak of those who take the "absolutely no medications/drugs route" even in the face of certain death because they really believe they can "positively think" their way to fixing everything and think that everyone else should do the same. *coughTomCruisecough*
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
I don't agree Malika. If a person is mentally ill in my opinion there is no other way. The medications may have consequences, but constant mental illness can be worse. The suicide rate in mentally ill people is astronomical. I was very suicidal myself and know first hand. No therapy worked. Nothing.

I went for years and years and my parents made me feel ashamed to be taking medications when I finally admitted I had to...to the point where I was scared to death than they would find out. Finally I just told them and they knew, by the way that I told them, that they could accept it or forget about me. The medications allowed me to function somewhat. When I found the right medications, I lived a normal life for the first time ever. I think of my medication as if I had diabetes. I need them. Malika I gently say this...in my opinion you are making the same mistake as Jena's mother. YOU are so afraid of drugs and the stigma, that you won't consider it.I do not know if your son needs them or if he does not, but you shut off really good options by refusing to consider them at all. medications can be the difference between a functional life and a wasted one. Maybe it's a cultural difference between France and the US, but in my opinion it is best to keep an open mind. If you are THAT against medications, don't give them to your boy, but don't tell us what is right/wrong. This is a support board. thank you :)

Back to the mom. Jena, let it go in one ear and out the other. in my opinion (having the same issues as you once) it is best just to shut down the conversation. This is what I told them: "We can talk about anything you like EXCEPT medication. If you do speak about it, I am telling you in advance I will hang up the phone quietly or leave the room or shut down. I will NOT discuss it with you." And then you have to do it. It's very effective. You don't have to be rude. You don't have to raise your voice. but you are under SO MUCH stress, you don't need Mom adding to it. Honestly, I don't understand parents like that. You'd think they take it personally! Most mental illness is inherited. it is not helped by bad parenting, but good parenting can not usually stop impending bipolar etc. either. Do not even give THAT a thought. You are not abusing your kids...you are doing all that you can for them. Do not engage your mom in this topic because she wants a soapbox and she sounds stubborn...she isn't going to listen to you. Big hugs and support from moi :_)
 

Shari

IsItFridayYet?
Great thoughts, MWM.

One thing to add...sometimes, like in the case of ADHD, the medications can help a person slow down and process enough that therapy can then truly happen to teach that person how to function eventually without the medications...things that without the medications at first, they could not learn.
 
H

HaoZi

Guest
A bit off-topic, but FWIW I don't read it as Malika being against medications, she just wants to pursue non-medication avenues first for her son. I did the same when it came to Kiddo, tried to rule out physical causes, change of diet, talk therapy, etc. medications were a last resort for us, too, because the only ADHD (her first diagnosis) medications I knew of were Aderall and the like, and with addiction in the family on both sides, I didn't want her on anything she could possibly get addicted to. My first question back when I put on my first medication (Zoloft) was a question of if it was addictive like Prozac, and if so, I didn't want it.

Anywho.... carry on.
 

Malika

Well-Known Member
Thanks HaoZi....
It is clear from the responses that I have not made myself clear... I am not telling anyone what is right or wrong! I did say explicitly that if I knew medications would help my child, I would give them... I am not totally against medications - what sense would that make? All I am saying is that there ARE other routes and hopefully some respect can be given to that option ALSO.
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
Well...that isn't true in all cases. There are many dysfunctional bipolar people, for example because they refuse to take medication. It can not be controlled any other way. It is useful, of course to also be in therapy, but therapy alone can not cure the mania and depression, just like diet alone can not stabilize most diabetics (although a good diet is useful). I take medications because it was the only route left and I was too sick not to do it (and it recurs each time I try to quit). I don't really want to hear from a non-psychiatrist that they know there is another way.If there was another way, we would be doing it.

Children can have mood disorders too, by the way. You are assuming that we all tried nothing else first...most of us have and it didn't work and our children could not function at home or in the community. Your son is still very young. Please...it is wrong to judge other people or to guess that we have not gone as far as you have before choosing to medicate our children (and PLEASE don't use the word drugs...it is offensive and in my opinion shows disdain). We are not drugging our children. We are trying to help them because they did not respond to anything else and some children need medication.
 

Malika

Well-Known Member
Oh dear... multiple misunderstandings... I really want to clear these up and then leave this topic alone because I have NOT come here to start a polemic or to get into disputes with people. As you rightly say, this is a support board...
First, "drugs" is British English. We have no other word for "medications", which is an American term... My use of the word is because I am British. I have no intention of disdain whatever.
Secondly, I really do not have some "view" or philosophy about medications. I have not expressed myself clearly and I have been misunderstood. I am NOT saying that for every condition there are alternatives to drugs - what do I know about that? I have almost no knowledge of the vast majority of mental health problems. I am quite willing to accept that there are conditions that can be only treated by medications. And I totally respect what someone tells me of their experience - you, for example, Midwest Mom - that they have been greatly, perhaps invaluably, helped by them. That is a great thing and a blessing of modern science. What I AM saying is that for some conditions, and I include my son's possible ADHD in that, it is my understanding and instinct that medications are not indispensable, the only route. And I would like to explore that other route for as long as is feasible. I do not have some absolute position where I say I will NEVER allow my son to have medications...
I do respect your position. I ask only that you respect mine too. :)
 

LittleDudesMom

Well-Known Member
I know if my child had some very serious illness, physical or mental, that could be helped and treated only with medications, I would want her/him to take them. If it less clear-cut, I would like people to give respectful consideration to the possiblility of other routes...

Malika, I believe you were not "medication bashing" at all. You began that post with "personally". Not a generalization at all. I know that for me, at first, I did explore all other options for my son before starting him on medication. I had heard the horror stories of a medication to help one thing, then a side effect from that medication that had to be countered with another medication and so on.....

MWM, I believe that perhaps you read disdain or judgement in her post because of your life experiences. We all bring those with us wherever we travel! Because your parents were no negative and judgmental, I'm sure you totally related to Jena's post - and it probably brought some old hurt feelings to the surface.

It is so unfortunate, given that we all work so hard to give our difficult children a chance of success or a "typical life" that we are often judged the worse by those who supposedly love us the most.......very often our parents. I always do my best to have confidence in the decisions I make for my son and let judgements from those around me go in one ear and out the other. Most, if not all, of those making judgements have never lived with a difficult child!!!!!!!

Sharon
 

DammitJanet

Well-Known Member
I agree with Sharon. I do think that we should take a moment to think about where a fellow poster is coming from when they post. I hadnt realized at the time that Malika was from France! Welcome! I am sure the mental health system there does things much differently there and has terms much differently than we have here. I know from other members in the UK that they use the term Conduct Disorder for many things, not just what we think of Conduct Disorder.

For me, I dont much care if you call them drugs or medications, after all we go to the "drug store" to buy them! We know we arent talking about illegal drugs...lol.
 
H

HaoZi

Guest
FYI and FWIW: The drugs vs medications thing is kind of a rolling joke with me and Malika from another thread. At least I see it as one that started out as a mis-reading on my part that I commented on and have taken as a joke ever since.
 

DammitJanet

Well-Known Member
Well...sometimes I like to take road trips and meet members from here. I will really have to plan one to meet you! I have always wanted to see Paris! Closest I have gotten is Parris Island SC when my son graduated Marine Corps boot camp...lmao.
 
Top