Mentally Exhausted....25/son's rages and manipulation

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by dawn1948, Jun 9, 2013.

  1. dawn1948

    dawn1948 New Member


    I have a 25/son, diagnosed with adhd and odd since age 5. As an infant would go into rages and knock holes in the walls around crib with-head, bite himself till black and blue, knock his head on concrete patios leaving goose eggs on forehead, chewed holes in all of his shirts, pillowcases etc from nerves.

    childhood asthma, hearing problems which caused speech problems, growth hormone deficiency, adhd, odd, and anger problems. Above average intelligence but socially way behind. During kindergarden was removed from school due to stress and sent to mental health. Was removed from school and and sent to military schoolfor disciplinary problems. The military school asked up to remove him from there so he was home schooled for a time then returned to paraochial school. He joined the army after attending college for two semesters. Excelled in army and was successfully living n his own and attending college until his father died this past October.

    I was molested at age 13-15, sent to foster home till graduation. I have epilepsy and have been on various anticonvulsants since age 11. I developed social anxiety and have had problems with that since around age 13. My husband had bouts of depression and was very hard on my son as as a child and became verbally abusive to both of us.

    My son is now 25 and returned from the army in July after 5 years of service. Was Iraq for 1 yr. He is out of control. He is prescribed with Strattera and xyrem (for narcolepsy) but refuses to take them. Every little thing I say sets him off cursing me out, screaming in a rage. We have been attending therapy together since his father died but lately it just seems to be escalating. One moment he's fine and the next a powder keg fixing to explode. I made him leave several days ago but
    he returned after sitting in the cemetery until caretaker made him leave. I woke up at 3am with him standing by my bed crying saying he wanted to kill himself. I sat him down and talked to him all night and he was happy as a clam when he finally went to bed. I told him it had to stop but it happened again 2 days later for no reason other than me speaking to him. I made him leave again but he came back..again..grabbing guns,ammo, etc. I know I am enabling him by not getting him out but I don't know how to go about it. I am at the end of my rope with him and if he doesn't go I am going to. How can I force him to go to mental health or remove him from my home? I am afraid some of this is also post tramatic stress disorder from time in Iraq.
    Appreciate any advice or suggestions.
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi Dawn, Im sorry it took me some time to get to you but I was away from the computer and didnt see your post.

    I am so sorry to hear about your son. In many ways he sounds like many of our kids growing up and the fact that he did well in the strict structure of the military doesnt surprise me a bit. My middle son was in the Marines and I met many young guys who had some iffy pasts but needed strong structure in their lives to grow up the rest of the way.

    You could be correct that his current behavior has something to do with PTSD. Who is prescribing his medications? You may not be able to get any information out of that person but you can certainly inform them of his current behaviors. If worse comes to worse, you might have to at least attempt to get him committed on a 72 hour hold if he says he wants to commit suicide again. Im sorry, that is so scary.

  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi, Dawn. So sorry your son is going through this. And you. Sounds like he really got his act together until he came back from the war. Like so many vets, I wonder if he has PTSD or effects from the war? I think he should try to get help from the VA. Sitting by the cemetery...did this brave young man lose any friends?

    Vets have a high rate of suicide. He really needs to get therapy hopefully from somebody who "gets" returning vets trying to pick up their lives again. I would definitely call ER if he threatens suicide, however they will only take him if he is an active danger to himself (been there done that).

    I am amazed that your son came from his early problems to where he is now. I really, really hope he gets the help he needs and maybe it would help to talk to other young vets. In this case, unless he is abusing substances, I don't think you're enabling him. He probably saw some really traumatic stuff while fighting for our country and to me there is a difference. Others may disagree. (((Hugs)))
  4. dawn1948

    dawn1948 New Member

    Thanks for replying. I finally got Alex to agree today to find another place to stay this morning. I just get to the point I want nothing at all to do with him because he makes my life a living h**l and I feel like he loves doing it. He loves playing mind games but the anger issues are there too. I have just made up my mind I've done all I can for him and I'm tired of fighting with him. He does wonderful on his own and that's why I can't understand why he refuses to leave. It's when he comes back home that all of this starts. When his dad died he insisted on moving back home because of my seizure problem and I had no way to prevent him from doing so. He's a good kid for the most part but there is something between the two of us that sets him off and I can't seem to fix it. When he starts with the scare tactics I am just afraid of what he might do when he's angry and not taking his medications.
  5. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    Possible to call Veteran's Administration in your area? They may (in fact, I think they do) have programs available for vets having a difficult time reintegrating into civilian life. If you Google Veteran's Administration for your city, that should get you the number you need to contact them.

    What I understood from the program I was watching on the problems returning vets are experiencing is that today's soldiers are transported from the field of battle so quickly that they don't have an opportunity to process what they have experienced. Soldiers being shipped home from other wars spent weeks sailing home. They were still in a military environment, and they were able to process what they had been through with other soldiers who understood what they were feeling, because they had been through the same thing. Our vets sometimes don't have the time they need to decompress.

    If the Veteran's Administration is unable to help, try Wounded Warriors.

    I'm sorry this is happening to you, and to your son. Your grief over the loss of your husband is still so fresh....

    Sending you strength, and keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers, tonight.

  6. Dixies_fire

    Dixies_fire Member

    Call the va and see if there are some veteran support groups in the mean time he can get into quickly while waiting to be seen. Transition is hard even without PTSD even if Iraq was several years ago, not being in, not having a reason to get up and keep going, his father dying, hard time finding a job, living with his mom all of this might be putting him in a bad place right now. If he drinks please try to get him in some kind of program for that PTSD often hides in alcoholism.
  7. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    Here are two more numbers that may help you both.

    The first is the toll-free number for National Alliance for Mental Health (NAMI). They will give you the # for the NAMI in your area. (Or, you can Google it.) 1(800)950-NAMI

    The second number is a nation-wide, toll-free number which will connect you to someone who is aware of what services are available in your area. That number is: 211

  8. I'm sorry. I don't have any advice to offer, although you've already received some great advice. Just my thoughts and sympathy for what you and your son are going through. It definitely sounds like PTSD and because he already has anxiety issues that could make it even worse.

    You should be able to get him into a mental hospital on at least a 72 hour hold if he threatens suicide again. Maybe that will be enough to get the ball rolling to get him the help that he needs.

    *Hugs to you.