Merry Christmas... or is it?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by butterflydreams, Dec 25, 2008.

  1. I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, but I don't feel very Merry.

    Last night, difficult child wanted to open an early present, which is something we have traditionally done, so I told him he could pick one out. He did, and oh boy, there he went, whining and griping because it was something he didn't want. On and on he complained about opening something he didn't want. I had got him a GI Joe, even though he is 12 almost 13, he still plays with some of his toys, at times, he is very much like a 5-7 year old. He had in fact put GI Joes on his list. I let him open one more of his choice, and what do you know, he complained about it too. He had told me about a book that he had read by James Patterson when he was at Residential Treatment Center (RTC), so I had got him actually 2 books (he hasn't opened the other one yet) from a different series by James Patterson called Maximum Ride - designed for young readers. He proceeded to tell me that he had already read it and in fact had read the first 3. He was really starting to throw a fit about getting presents that he didn't want. I tried calmly to explain to him that they could go back and get exchanged for something else. He wasn't listening.

    difficult child is still really manic, very irritable and easily aggitated. The doctor has added in Depakote this last week, he has only been on it a couple of days, so I know it will take a while before we see if it will work. Saturday morning he will go in for his first blood draw, and then I will call psychiatrist on Tuesday and he will tell me how to adjust the medication. I had prepared myself to anticipate difficult child reacting like this, but no amount of preparation was good enough.

    I am very depressed, and was actually all day yesterday, my Cymbalta is not cutting it. I am glad I go back to the doctor in a couple of weeks. Last night I cried my eyes out. My daughter, bless her heart, knew something was wrong. She came in my room and talked to me and comforted me. She reassured me that I was doing the right thing. I just so wanted Christmas to go well, after all, we had thought that difficult child would be still in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) over the holidays.

    There is so much more, but I will stop for now.

    I hope everyone has a Merry and Blessed Christmas.


  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Oh Christy, Hugs - It truly is a heartbreak when our kids react this way to gifts. It seems so rude and disrespectful. It is so hurtful.

    Something that may help a little bit? Remember, he is still living in his own world. Everything is done for him and he expects all his needs and wants to be fulfilled. Many kids are like that - even easy child's. We would think that as they head toward their wonderful teenage years, they would mature a little and think of others but I do believe the reason for many teenage battles is because they really are still in their own self centered world and adults try to get them to behave otherwise.

    The other thing to remember is that for kids, Christmas may well be the most dreamed of Holiday (even more than their own birthday). The kids have built up their dreams of a perfect holiday. They have trouble separating reality from fantasy and when the moment of truth arrives causing the two to collide, kids don't know how to graciously accept that reality is different than fantasy.

    Try not to take this personally. I don't think difficult child really understands yet how he is hurting you. He can only see himself. Once we open our gifts, the magic of Christmas ends with nothing else to look forward to. He was looking for the WOW factor which isn't always possible to give or even to recognize.

    You put a lot of work into making Christmas special for your family. Someday difficult child may see that the love others put into his life is what makes the gifts and times special not the actual item that will be forgotten in years to come.
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    {{{Hugs}}} I hope the rest of the day goes better for you. Try to take a little time for yourself: take a soak in the tub, read a chapter or two of a good book, or sit down and really enjoy a nice cup of tea and a Christmas treat. I don't think he really understands his behaviors and won't have much self-control until he's more stable. I'm glad your daughter has been there for you, that's a gift in itself.
  4. ML

    ML Guest

    ((((((((((((ButterflyDreams))))))))))))))))) Hugs and good thoughts for a better day. ML
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Christy, many hugs and good thoughts for a pleasant rest of the day. Try to take some time for just you.
  6. Thank you everyone. My parents came over about 10am to watch the kids open presents. difficult child didn't react like he did last night, but he has been really whiney and talking baby talk and crying. He doesn't understand why we can't go to the store today.

    Adrienne, I agree that difficult child doesn't understand that he hurt my feelings. He only sees himself.

    Right now he is squirming on the couch like he is uncomfortable in his own skin, he is writing and pulling at his shirt, whining about going over to his friends house. I let him call to talk to him, but they are not answering the phone.

    We are supposed to go over to my boyfriends house for dinner, he is cooking a turkey, baked potatoes, green beans and beer bread. difficult child is saying he doesn't want to go. I will have to play it by ear.

    Well, I have to go, my daughter just informed me that the toilet is overflowing. Oh boy.

  7. JLady

    JLady A ship lost in the night

    I really hope your Christmas got better and that you enjoyed some time with those you love.
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Aww Christy,
    Just sending hugs your way.
  9. Christmas did get better, we had a mostly enjoyable day. We did go over to boyfriend house for dinner, difficult child didn't eat anything except a biscuit and some apple juice, but he was well behaved. We did limit our stay, he was done after about 1 hour and was laying on the floor listening to his Zune player and wanted to go home. We had talked about going to look at lights. Around 5pm, I asked difficult child if he was up to it, he said yes, I talked to my daughter, she was laying on her bed, not only is she coming down with a cold, but she is in a depressive state, she agreed to go. difficult child asked if he could call boyfriend and let him know we wanted to go. He came and picked us up and we drove around for about 1-1/2 hours.