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<blockquote data-quote="Triedntrue" data-source="post: 738273" data-attributes="member: 21499"><p>I am reading through all of this and some of it really hits home. My son has always resented that my husband was not the breadwinner and i wonder to some extent how much of that is my fault. I know that for years it made me angry not because i was the breadwinner but because my husband quit anytime things got a little tough. All 3 sons ask me why i didn't divorce him. My middle son dealt with it best when he said i love him i don't respect him. My two youngest are succesful and independent. I have moved past it mostly but oldest Difficult Child has not. Yet still i take the brunt of his behavior. It is kind of like when i was about 8 and my brother was angry because my mom made him take me to the store with him. He complained and yelled at me all the way. But when the neighborhood bully tried to mess with me he put a stop to it in no uncertain terms. Then kept on berating me himself. He (Difficult Child) complains about his dad all the time and how i should have kicked him out. I have tried to explain my feelings to no avail . Then he curses at me and calls me names and threatens. Much worse than anything my husband would do. My husband rarely even raises his voice. He has however defended me from Difficult Child when he threatens. I have to wonder if because of his mental illness he is unable to let go of it like his brothers did. I have spent most of his life trying to get him (Difficult Child) th accept help he would not until recently since legal problems and me trying to detach. I don't know which of those had the most impact but think probably legal issues.So it comes back to they have to want the help and we can not control that. Did i make mistakes YES do I feel horribleYES but should i keep beating myself up. I have asked forgiveness from God and need to forgive myself. It is easy to look back and say i should have done this or that but at the time i did not have the insites i have now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Triedntrue, post: 738273, member: 21499"] I am reading through all of this and some of it really hits home. My son has always resented that my husband was not the breadwinner and i wonder to some extent how much of that is my fault. I know that for years it made me angry not because i was the breadwinner but because my husband quit anytime things got a little tough. All 3 sons ask me why i didn't divorce him. My middle son dealt with it best when he said i love him i don't respect him. My two youngest are succesful and independent. I have moved past it mostly but oldest Difficult Child has not. Yet still i take the brunt of his behavior. It is kind of like when i was about 8 and my brother was angry because my mom made him take me to the store with him. He complained and yelled at me all the way. But when the neighborhood bully tried to mess with me he put a stop to it in no uncertain terms. Then kept on berating me himself. He (Difficult Child) complains about his dad all the time and how i should have kicked him out. I have tried to explain my feelings to no avail . Then he curses at me and calls me names and threatens. Much worse than anything my husband would do. My husband rarely even raises his voice. He has however defended me from Difficult Child when he threatens. I have to wonder if because of his mental illness he is unable to let go of it like his brothers did. I have spent most of his life trying to get him (Difficult Child) th accept help he would not until recently since legal problems and me trying to detach. I don't know which of those had the most impact but think probably legal issues.So it comes back to they have to want the help and we can not control that. Did i make mistakes YES do I feel horribleYES but should i keep beating myself up. I have asked forgiveness from God and need to forgive myself. It is easy to look back and say i should have done this or that but at the time i did not have the insites i have now. [/QUOTE]
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