Meth...I don't get it

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by WearyMom18, Apr 22, 2015.

  1. WearyMom18

    WearyMom18 Member

    I am a frequent flyer on the Parent Emeritus board and realized today that I should also be participating in this forum as well since my daughter is a meth addict.

    My sig explains it all really; she's 18, not living at home, staying with some guy and some other people and only calls when she wants money.

    I am working through detachment right now and I'm in the angry phase, definitely angry, at all that she has done in disrespect and destruction to not only herself but to us and our extended family.

    I am posting here today to find out more about meth and your experiences as parents of meth addicts, for those that are dealing with it or have. I just don't get it - there is so much media and publicity about meth and it's destructive nature; the before and after pictures and commercials....just sickening. I just don't understand why my beautiful daughter can also see those same commercials and pictures and keep on using meth - I"m sure that sounds terribly naive to many of you and I know that she is an addict so now it's more than just using A drug, it's about needing more meth to function.

    I have seen my daughter high on two occasions and the first time, didn't realize what was wrong until a cop friend of ours described it to me and what he described matched my daughter's behavior to a T.

    She is in total denial that she is even using meth although she knows that I know she has used in the past and even has tested positive for it in my home. She is destroying herself but will do absolutely anything to get it. We have been stolen from of both cash and possessions such as guns, stereo equipment, tools, etc.

    I am curious about other parents that are dealing with meth as a doctor and what your experience has been - I am someone that hasn't even had a speeding ticket much less anything drug related in my life so I want to be educated about it so I know what we're dealing with.

    She's been pretty good at hiding it or staying away while she is high I guess and we've just seen the long periods of sleep.

    I'm doing one day at a time and it gets easier everyday to detach and learn how to take care of myself so the stress and sadness don't consume me and I hope all of you are doing the same.
  2. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Well, my daughter did, although she looked like she was in the late stages of AIDS or cancer. She broke out. She weared nothing and her body type is sturdy, not stick skinny. They do it because it is highly addictive a nd feels good and they get addicted to it. My daughter did quit and I am rather awed and proud that she did.

    The why is simple. The drugs make you feel good and your body craves it until you detox. And you have to be a strong person to stay off of it. It is a biological issue.

    My daughter, clean now over ten years, tells me that the meth makes it impossible tos sleep so she used to take downers to let her sleep. She slept so much during the day. How did she quit? She wanted to. That is how and why people quit. Until then, they don't. It's very sad. I was scared to death.
  3. WearyMom18

    WearyMom18 Member

    I know it's her decision and hers alone. Does everyone that uses meth get sores or break out on their face? She sometimes has breakouts but I don't know, thinking back a few years, if they looked distinctly different than a normal teen breakout.

    I guess it doesn't matter now but I was trying to figure out how long she has been using it.
  4. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    It affects everyone differently. My daughter's face would break out but her teeth are still perfect. She lost a TON of weight and didn't care what she looked like anymore. She always looked dirty and sweaty. Meth is HIGHLY addictive. I read that it makes people feel the best they have EVER felt in their lives. Why wouldn't they want to take it?? Then it wreaks havoc on their lives. Meth is SO destructive and they are dangerous when they are high. :(

    My daughter started using from a boyfriend. By the time I knew about it, she had been tossed out of school and we were at our wits end at home. Even after I found out, I thought I could get her in to a rehab - she was under 18. Wrong. Still over the age of medical consent. So at age 17, after dealing with two years of hades with her, I found a pipe in her room. I then gave her the ultimatum of rehab if she wanted to live at home. She said sayonara and lived on the streets for a few years. A few short rehab stays during that time but nothing could draw her away from it. Then she got pregnant. Then she got arrested for a fight with the boyfriend. I jumped on the opportunity and contacted the courts. I told them she was pregnant and a drug addict. They asked what I wanted them to do and I said help her. And they did. They drug tested her at her court intervention program and she tested positive. They locked her up immediately and she was locked up for the duration of her pregnancy. She had her baby in the hospital, but a police officer was right outside the door at all times. We took the baby home and they took her back to jail. It was devastating! After she had the baby, we thought she changed and she did - she was in mourning after falling in love with her baby so we let her come back home to raise her baby and get on her feet. She did great for a while until she got a job through a friend and that friend relapsed. It didn't take long before she relapsed, too. It went on for months, we suspected something was going on but she was being drug tested by probation and was passing them. We let her stay even after she was acting evil again, because of our grandson. She didn't like what she was doing and hated herself for it. She has since told me that she would pace the bedroom upstairs crying out to God to help her because she knew she could not do this on her own and she was too ashamed to come to us. Well, He answered her prayer all right. Her next probation meeting she tested dirty and they put her back in jail. During the two months she was in jail, she was writing rehabs on her own trying to find a program that she could get in to. Her probation officer told me about an outpatient program - it was outpatient but close to our house. I told her that was a joke. She then sent me a link to a residential program that was Christ centered. I knew this was the one - this was the right program. They picked her up on December 22nd and I was right - this rehab is not only the best thing to happen for her, but for me as well!! She is healing, our family is healing and my daughter and I are closer now than we have ever been in her entire life. Yesterday was four months for my baby girl. She has another six until she graduates and even after that, her plans are to move to one of the graduate houses on site for an undetermined amount of time. She sent me a letter the other day that asked me to thank her probation officer. She said the ministry is more than a rehab - it is home. <3 We have temporary custody of our grandson but he will be joining her there in about a month.

    I am telling you our story because there IS hope!! After my daughter's relapse, I lost all hope. But it took an honest desire for her not to want to be a slave to a drug anymore and the right rehab. The rehab she is in does not believe in tossing out their clients to the street when times get tough. Matter of fact, they have had women leave and Granny (who founded and runs the rehab) will drive down the street and talk them into coming back. :) They know that the addiction is a family disease and we have co-dependency classes every other Saturday after visitation. They have an exit plan for every woman that graduates, but I can tell you that a LOT of women choose to stay after graduation. Many become staff members themselves.

    So it is going to take her wanting to be clean, the right rehab and divine intervention. Until then, my suggestion is to take care of YOU. Don't stop loving her. Be supportive in guiding her to rehab but do not enable her addiction. This is a hard and blurry line. I had to turn my back on my daughter for a while. But thanks to the wonderful program she is in, it has come to light the reasons that made her use in the first place and she has been working on those issues. There are so many wonderful, beautiful women there that are addicts. I love them all. I pray your daughter has clarity to see that there IS a better life away from IS possible....

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  5. Rina

    Rina Member

    My son's drug of choice is heroin, not meth (although I know he has tried that too) so my experience is not specific to that. However, I would like to say that I can relate to the way you feel when you ask yourself why is she doing this when she knows where it leads. I asked myself that so many times. It's not that they don't know the outcomes of drug use - they do. So why?

    I think I figured it out when I talked to a therapist a few days ago... they just don't care. Making themselves feel good is the most important thing, and if they have to make some sacrifices for that, they'll do it. They just don't care.
    There's nothing we can do but take care of ourselves, and hope.
    I remind myself every day that people DO recover. It drives me crazy to know that I can't make the decision for him, that he has to choose to stay clean on his own. But it is what it is. We've got nothing to do but hang in there, take care of ourselves and hope for the best. Take care.
  6. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    To my knowledge my Difficult Child does pot only, but what do I know? My greatest concern is that he will drive while under ANY influence. My older son was straight as an arrow, no drugs, no alcohol, no speeding, no horseplay....but was driving and he and two others were killed in a freak accident (that's what the police called it). That being said, as hard as I try to detach and move on, that fear almost consumes me daily. How does a mother do that? He lives with his father so I have even less input. Why? Why? The fear of going through that again is almost unbearable. Not sure I'd make it through anything happening to Difficult Child or him causing an accident of that magnitude.

    Yes, Rina, I think you are right. They just don't care...about themselves, family, etc. They.Just.Dont.Care.
  7. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    I am a bit ashamed to admit I am a former meth addict (sober 13 years) so I can give you a little perspective having been addicted to the drug for 5 years. Meth is particularly evil drug, in my opinion. The high is super addicting super fast. Normally I am an incredibly shy, introverted person. I have terrible social anxiety. The meth made me suddenly super outgoing. I was carrying on conversations with strangers at the store,the bank, etc, and making new friends like crazy. My kids' dad and I started doing meth together right before I got pregnant with
    difficult child. I begrudgingly quit while I was pregnant with her, watched my friends and her dad get high in front of me, and resented the hell out of it. As soon as I gave birth, literally THE day I got out of the hospital, I went right back to using.

    I used while difficult child was sleeping, I used when she was awake, and I got various people to babysit so I could use more with my friends and her dad. I felt on top of the world. I was for once in my life super skinny, very outgoing, and loving life. I grew up listening to the drug talks in elementary school and middle school. I participated in red ribbon week. I knew the dangers beforehand. I had seen pictures and billboards of meth users with yellow, rotten teeth, looking 20 years older than their real age, and it still didn't stop me. The drug had literally taken over my whole life. We spent our rent and food money for more meth. My kids' dad and I eventually lost our apartment. We both lost various jobs. He was arrested 3 times for possession and court ordered rehab. He still used and so did I.

    When I got pregnant with easy child is when I finally stopped using for good. I was pregnant with a 2 year old, no place to live except a dirty motel room, and something suddenly snapped in me. I decided I was NOT bringing another child into this world living the incredibly dysfunctional life I was living. My kids' dad continued to use throughout my pregnancy, and for awhile I broke off all contact with him to ensure myself I would stay sober. He did show up when easy child was delivered at the hospital, and after I gave birth he swore never to use again. We both decided we had had enough. We broke off contact COMPLETELY with every single friend of ours who was still using. To this day, I have multiple friends that I don't even know are alive or dead. So be it. did what I had to do for myself and my children.

    Now I look back and I'm horrified of the things I said/did while using. I could have had difficult child removed from my home permanently or worse. I could have lost a lot more than I did. I am grateful that God willing I decided to leave that life behind me for good. But the effects are still there. I am almost 100 percent convinced I became bipolar due to my previous drug use. My brain is permanently damaged. I don't get happy anymore. I don't even laugh at funny movies. My kids tell me I have no sense of humor. I will never be the person I was before I was an addict. Part of me is sad for that, but I am oh so proud of myself for my accomplishments despite my setbacks. I can only hope my own kids don't travel down the same path that I have led. Anyway, I just wanted to chime in and give you some perspective on how the drug really works. It's evil and dangerous, and I will be keeping you and your daughter in my prayers.
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  8. Ethansmom

    Ethansmom New Member

    Thank you for sharing. I have a younger sister who has been addicted to meth for the last 3 years and it hurts my mom and dad on a daily basis. My sister has been in and out of jail 4 times in the last year. She is self consumed and only thinks about when her next fix will be. She has no job, no home, no car. I haven't seen her in nearly 2 years so when I saw her mugshot I was taken aback. She looked like my aunt who died of AIDS. She is in her early 20's and she looks late 30's. Her face is sunken in and her hair is greasy. I just cried. I miss my sister! She always had a big heart and now she is angry! Meth is evil! It is unrelenting and controlling. It's sad but I hope she gets arrested again because she will be locked up for at least 30 days which will help her get sober and her brain thinking clearer! As stated already all we can do is pray! It has to be her choice!
  9. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    CB you are such a courageous and determined woman! I just have to say how proud I am of you that you walked away from that drug and made a life for yourself and your kids.......and against the odds. You're an inspiration! CB, really, if you can do that, you can do anything! You are a true warrior!
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  10. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    CB - thank you SO much for sharing from your perspective. I think it is amazing that you were able to walk away! My daughter tried, but the temptation was in her face and she was not strong enough. You should be SO proud of yourself for overcoming that. God is great!!

    Have you thought about an anti-depressant to help with the dopamine lost?
  11. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    CB, thank you so much for sharing your story. It sounds a lot like my daughter's story, although she had no children (thankfully). She took the meth because she was and is painfully shy and wanted to be outgoing and have friends. She was also very thin while she used meth, but she didn't look healthy, at least not to me. My daughter has found that her "friends" from those days are mostly in serious legal trouble, have kids they don't see, don't work, and have not changed. I am so glad YOU walked away. You are a hero. It's not easy to do. My daughter also did it. I don't know how either of you did that without rehab, but you are both very strong young women.

    CB, remember that. You are STRONG.
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  12. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    I've never touched meth. It and heroin were the two drugs that I and my "freak" friends were scared to death of.

    I asked a meth head in the trailer park what exactly was so appealing about meth and how one got hooked on it.

    He was very honest with me. He said, "Meth is a "b!tch." The first high is the best high. And ever afterwards, you are chasing that first high."

    I did some reading. The sores are from the drug causing the user to hallucinate the sensation of bugs crawling beneath the skin. The user literally scratches holes in their own skin to get at the "bugs".

    "Meth mouth" is caused by a combination of malnutrition and the extreme "dry mouth" caused by the drug.

    I have a lesser version of meth mouth caused by extreme dry mouth from medications and connective tissue issues.
  13. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    I've never touched meth. It and heroin were the two drugs that I and my "freak" friends were scared to death of.

    I asked a meth head in the trailer park what exactly was so appealing about meth and how one got hooked on it.

    He was very honest with me. He said, "Meth is a "b!tch." The first high is the best high. And ever afterwards, you are chasing that first high."

    I did some reading. The sores are from the drug causing the user to hallucinate the sensation of bugs crawling beneath the skin. The user literally scratches holes in their own skin to get at the "bugs".

    "Meth mouth" is caused by a combination of malnutrition and the extreme "dry mouth" caused by the drug.

    I have a lesser version of meth mouth caused by extreme dry mouth from medications and connective tissue issues.
  14. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    I personally have very little experience with drug use. A very little bit of pot and one hit of Rush. The pot was no better than a good beer buzz and the beer was legal. The Rush scared the :censored2: out of me. Even at 22 I was FULLY aware of my families heart disease problems and when my heart kicked into overdrive I freaked! They tried a time or two more to get me to take another hit but I wouldn't.

    Anyway, I do have a lot of experience dealing with addicts through work. Once you've done it once, like North said, the first high is the best and you're always chasing that feeling. Why do people do it for the first time? Dozens of reasons including peer pressure, being tricked, bravado, and out right stupidity. MANY think that they can do it just once. They wont become addicted because they don't have addictive personalities. They can handle it. Its only a substance, they are stronger than that little bitty pipe! Then they are caught in the cycle.

    Was the bird video on this forum? The one where it walked along eating the yellow dots? Really good description of addiction.
  15. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

  16. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Link works.
    Very well done animated short!
  17. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Is it the one with the bird?
  18. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    Yes, Jabber. It is the one with the kiwi and the "nuggets".

    It is a simple animated short, and probably the most brilliant explanation of addiction I've ever seen.

    I first saw it a few years ago.
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  19. Megrit

    Megrit New Member

    I just read this post, I've been reading everything here. I hope this dear person with a meth addiction is able to continue to be clean and be a good mother, I know instinctively that she is. My grand niece's mother is a meth user. It is the worst addiction there is. The children suffer horribly. Thank God for divine intervention, it has certainly happened here.