Midwest Mom, I have Question

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by janebrain, Aug 21, 2008.

  1. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    Hi MWM,
    I didn't want to hijack Steely's post but I have a question for you. My difficult child 2/easy child dtr is extremely worried about what she feels is her loss of creativity--specifically, she has lost her passion for writing, which she has had since she was a small child.

    She is not on medications but is in therapy (EMDR) for a diagnosed dissociative disorder. According to her therapist, she is in the really hard work part of it. She says that she used writing as a coping mechanism when she was younger--it was her way to escape her life which was very difficult due to difficult child 1 monopolizing her and abusing her. She says her writing was a huge part of her identity and it excited her and she felt she had something to say. I am her mom so I know I am not objective, but she really was an exceptional writer--wrote poetry and short stories and kept a journal. Her dad was a writer as well, I think she inherited his talent.

    She has been unable to write for many months now and when she tries she says she doesn't like what she writes. She feels so desolate without the writing and is afraid it won't come back. I read your post about you losing your desire to write but it came back. I am hoping maybe you have some insight into my dtr's dilemma and maybe some encouraging words that I could give her from someone who understands! I am not creative at all so I have trouble identifying with what she is saying!
    Thanks so much,

    P.S. Anyone else who has any insight please chime in!
  2. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I'm in a few groups for authors and their fans and one of the questions that always come up is how to get published. I know that's not the situation here but I think the answer will still apply.


    Even if it's bad, keep writing.

    I'm thinking that if she does this, even though she doesn't like what she writes now, if she keeps doing it, it may trigger something to get her to fix what she doesn't like. Or just from the persistance, she'll eventually come out with stuff that she DOES like. You never know, she may be able to use it as an indication of how she's doing also.

    Not sure if that helps but just my .02
  3. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    Hi Mstang,
    one of the problems she mentioned to me was that now when she writes she keeps worrying about getting published instead of just writing for the joy of writing. She puts so much pressure on herself that it ***** the pleasure out of anything she does.

    I will tell her of your advice though--to keep writing even if she thinks it is no good. She has asked me if other writers go through this--spells where they can't write, and how long they last.

  4. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    Oops--I got censored for a word used in the appropriate way! Okay, she puts so much pressure on herself that it removes the pleasure out of anything she does!
  5. Sara PA

    Sara PA New Member

    Other writers go through it. It can last days or months or years. It's often related to pressure -- internal or external -- to produce, particularly for publication.

    Tell her to write for the joy of it. Something publishable may result but, if not, she still regained the joy of writing. That's more important.
  6. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    Thank you, Sara! I will tell her what you said. Another way she puts pressure on herself is that she is trying to make her deceased dad proud of her and feels she needs to accomplish what he didn't--getting published. I will talk to her again about writing just for the joy of writing.
  7. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Jane, I have another thought about what might be going on with your daughter and her writing.

    I have written for years and years and years, ever since I could hold a pencil and form letters. I often used it as an outlet for frustration, sadness, etc.

    When I started working with my therapist to delve very deeply into the emotional trauma from my childhood, I found myself completely unable to write anything creative. All of the energy I'd previously poured out into my writing was going inward, toward healing. It was the same process, only I was giving it to myself.

    Once I had worked through a particular part of the therapy, my desire and ability to write returned. Each time I've come to a point in therapy where I'm dealing with something particularly difficult, I stop writing...only to have it come back when I've worked through it.

    Maybe the creative force that your daughter uses for her writing is being turned inward to help her heal. She needs the energy to rebuild her psyche, and then her writing will flow from her again.

    Hope this helps,
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Ok, first of all I write A LOT and have been e-pubbed many times, often selling over 1,000 books online, so obviously my creativity did come back. I will tell you how it happened.
    First off, I think creativity is there or it's not--I don't think you can teach yourself to be creative. If the urge is there, it is like that ice cream cone you just HAVE to have. I've been writing since I was two years old and used to draw pictures and write a few words and tell my mom stories. When I was first put on my medications, the urge to write completely stopped and it shocked me. It didn't make me want to go back to being crazy though. So I just waited it out.
    One day, several years later, I got a bust of energy--maybe a little hypomania--and couldn't wait to get to my keyboard and I've been writing nonstop ever since. The reason I answer so many posts is that I often take breaks by coming to this board. The difference is--my old writing was deep, dark, sad, full of anger, black...nobody would have wanted to read it and I think it mirrored my mindset. OFten I felt like crying when I wrote.
    Now my writing is lighthearted and happier. I love to write romance, especially with paranormal elements/time travel. My writing now and before is like night and day. I would tell your daughter to do things that trigger her creativity, such as watching good movies or reading a lot. Also, there ARE some medications that blunt your creativity more than others, which is why some artists throw away their medications--lithium comes to mind. Sometimes it becomes a matter of stability vs. creativity. I can not function without medications. I get moody, crazy, suicidal and I'm like a big adult acting like a BiPolar (BP) little kid. I refuse to ever be that way again even if my creativity leaves me again. There are some people with more mild bipolar who can still get along with people and pull themselves out of their moods and who may not get suicidal...maybe they can function without medications. Many of us have to choose between living a functional life and our creativity. I have found mine again, and I think I'm a better writer now than I used to be because I am more clearheaded, focused and happier. I have not found cognitive dulling with this particular medication combination.
    If you have any other questions, go for it and I'll try to help. Unfortunately, there are no easy answers.
    PS--I never wrote to get published. Until e-publications came about, I never dreamed of getting published without having to pay for it myself...lol. I can send your daughter to a few e-pubs that will purchase her manuscripts if they are good enough :) Be happy to help. Here is a list of all the e-pubs. They do NOT expect YOU to pay. You are edited, get a cover, and get royalties as you sell. If you look through the list you can find appropriate sites. Some are NOT for kids!
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2008
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Great advice from everyone, Jane. I can only say I agree, and it will come back some time.
  10. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    You guys amaze me--what would I do without you?! Thank you so much. Trinity, I will tell my dtr what you said because I think that could be exactly what is going on with her--she is working on the inner healing, her therapist tells me she is working very hard in her therapy sessions.

    MWM, thanks so much for the list of publishers! I will pass them on to my dtr. She used to ask me how to know where to send her work and I didn't know.