I have a 1p.m. doctor appointment. I know that there is no miracle concoction that can be given but I am in desperate need of relief. I've spent the past couple/few years on merry go round of specialists, tests, more tests, more specialists, before FINALLy being told what we KNEW all along, that I have multiple sclerosis. We first thought it was a relapsing remitting sort. Meaning periods of flares and periods of remission from symptoms. I have been bumped up to progressive form, meaning less remissions, and even in remissions, some symptoms will never go away even betwen major flares. I've spent time in critical care when I went stone deaf (scary) and lost my vision twice (thankfully came back both times but holy hades it was frightening). I have had periods where I could not walk without being carried. So many other symptoms I won't get into them all, but worse of all is the day in, day in, without reprieve, excruciating pain. I no longer know what it feels like to remember being physically able to swim or play with the kids outside, haven't planted flowers this year. Sometimes it takes a week to get up enough oomph to go grocery shopping. I've made it there at times to get 2-3 things in my cart and had to walk out and come straight to bed. I'm not quite 34 years old and this simply I won't take sitting down. I want some quality of life back. And I can no longer emotionally handle the intense level of daily pain that I have, not to mention unable often to even tie my running shoes or zip my pants up, wash dishes, simple every day things. So I'm hoping the doctor does something first of about pain management today, second off, a medication tweak to help combat some of the worse symptoms that are really leaving me a young woman in the body of a very ill old womans body. I just want a quality of life. If any of you can think of me about 1p.m. thats when i'll be sobbing to my doctor about how i am finding it more difficult to cope with the pain and the loss of any type of life outside my couch or bed. I'd much appreciate it. My hardest thing is how to approach the pain management angle. I really have no addictions issues, but i will NOT allow other patients pill hunting to stop me from having my doctor reluctant to effectively treat my pain because I have 2 kids who need me, a house to run, and I'd sure like to be pain free enough to at least maintain a job again!!! I feel like I'm growing into a dust bunny in my own house. Its taking its toll even worse on my 10 year old easy child. She wants her mom back. Summer is coming. I need to do things with my little girl before shes too old to want to do mom/daughter beach outtings, sliding in park, hiking, camping etc. Much appreciation in advance for any good thoughts sent my way. I really gotta spend this morning too figuring out how to stop being a wimp and address my doctor effectively on proper pain control. I've suffered with it worsening for years. It cannot go on. I no longer recognize my own life. M.