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Miserable Friday
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<blockquote data-quote="dayatatime" data-source="post: 623319" data-attributes="member: 17805"><p>Hello,</p><p></p><p>Sorry it's been such a rough night. I know well that feeling of home feeling unsafe. I can tell you what I would do your situation, but, of course, this is only what works for me.</p><p></p><p>1) I would call the cops as soon as there is any violence in the home. The purposes there are a) diffuse the situation b) draw a clear boundary that even though I might not have any "normal" parenting consequences to offer difficult child at this point- I can still bring in the law and they have consequences to offer that do have an effect on him and c) maybe most importantly- I'd call them or go to the precinct and file a domestic incident report- if she's a minor it won't stay on her record and it will start making a paper trail - my experience is that paper trails are critical- it's not too late to file now- where I am I can just make a report and put in it that I don't want difficult child arrested- that way there's documentation but nothing more than documentation- those documents have helped me with family court, mental health court, child protective services, getting the services of the domestic violence cops, and getting a decent level of monitoring on probation.</p><p></p><p>2) I would call 911 or at least consult difficult child on whether I should call 911 re: the murder-planning- I'd keep my engagement with the topic to level of safety. I'd do this even if I had a strong gut feeling that it was a bluff to draw to me near- because I need to make sure that that ploy doesn't work. And I need to make clear that once we are talking about safety issues, I'm dropping everything having to do with making anyone feel better. In my household any feel better stuff around urges toward violence are saved for family therapy.</p><p></p><p>This may all sound really harsh, but if I have a regret it is that I should have taken stronger measures earlier. And if I have a positive reflection on my own behavior, I have gratitude for all the paper trails.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dayatatime, post: 623319, member: 17805"] Hello, Sorry it's been such a rough night. I know well that feeling of home feeling unsafe. I can tell you what I would do your situation, but, of course, this is only what works for me. 1) I would call the cops as soon as there is any violence in the home. The purposes there are a) diffuse the situation b) draw a clear boundary that even though I might not have any "normal" parenting consequences to offer difficult child at this point- I can still bring in the law and they have consequences to offer that do have an effect on him and c) maybe most importantly- I'd call them or go to the precinct and file a domestic incident report- if she's a minor it won't stay on her record and it will start making a paper trail - my experience is that paper trails are critical- it's not too late to file now- where I am I can just make a report and put in it that I don't want difficult child arrested- that way there's documentation but nothing more than documentation- those documents have helped me with family court, mental health court, child protective services, getting the services of the domestic violence cops, and getting a decent level of monitoring on probation. 2) I would call 911 or at least consult difficult child on whether I should call 911 re: the murder-planning- I'd keep my engagement with the topic to level of safety. I'd do this even if I had a strong gut feeling that it was a bluff to draw to me near- because I need to make sure that that ploy doesn't work. And I need to make clear that once we are talking about safety issues, I'm dropping everything having to do with making anyone feel better. In my household any feel better stuff around urges toward violence are saved for family therapy. This may all sound really harsh, but if I have a regret it is that I should have taken stronger measures earlier. And if I have a positive reflection on my own behavior, I have gratitude for all the paper trails. [/QUOTE]
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