I almost feel like a baby for even posting this.......... cuz I know difficult child is 17............... And I know SO many of you have already gone through this with your difficult children at much younger ages than mine............. And he is safe and not in jail. But still.......... I miss my son. I can't talk to him - I can't see him - I can only write him letters and hope he writes me back. I still feel pretty nurturing and protective of him. I worry about him in all sorts of ways. I know I need to detach. I get it. But this is like ripping a band aid from a wound. Suddenly he is just gone. And then I get temporarily confused in moments of stress that somehow he is now dead like H. Or maybe somehow H. is somehow alive, like difficult child. It feels like I have lost the 2 most important people to me in my life in just 6 months - except I have not lost difficult child. Just temporarily let him go. And............ I have the flu and I never get sick, unless apparently I have major stress - since I got the flu when H died. How much more can life hoover than being both physically and mentally sick. Thanks for listening. Again, I know many of you have dealt with placing your kiddos in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) at much younger ages, and I know that must hurt much more than what I am going through. And I should be thankful he is safe, and getting help. None the less, my reality is that I am really sad. I miss H and difficult child.........and I want to talk to them more than just in my thoughts.